DP received letter for CMS

[lockdownbabyx]

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and have 2 children and another on the way.
Today he received a letter from CMS saying he owes child maintenance for a child he has never known about. This child is now 5 years old.

Obviously a dna test will need to be done anyway, but where do we stand with this?

I'm so upset and confused, literally found out I was pregnant again yesterday 😭

I'm sorry OP you're getting some awful comments here from people who are clearly pretty bitter.
Taking it at face value you your DP have done nothing wrong- you know that. Everyone has an ex and why wouldn't your DP move on and start a family when he knew nothing about this child. There's an awful lot of victim blaming here. 2 children in 4 years isn't unusual, neither is having 3 children.

I sympathise, it's much cheaper to have a third baby kept in house than it is to finance a child in another house via CMS.
As others have said, try not to worry. In the preliminary stage the other mum has likely guessed your DPs wage and this had led to an estimate which is a high number. The same happened to us but luckily when CMS did their proper calculation it came back as half the amount. Still a kick in the teeth for you I know as you built your family on a set of financial facts which have now shifted. Unfortunately as others have said there isn't really any way to get out of it, you can only count down the years until it expires. You can also go to court for over night care should you wish to build a relationship with the child and that will also reduce the costs.

But first things first.. DNA tests
And congratulations on your pregnancy !

If the child is his, he will need ro get in touch with CMS, explain that he has other 2(soon 3) children, then maintenance should be recalculated.
Why did the woman wait so long to claim cms? She could be trying it on. Does dating timeliness and conception timeliness align? I assume you now know the DOB of the child?
Did he really not know about the child? Of so, it's very cold hearted to tell someone they have offspring through CMS

wow people are nice.

OP has been with him 4 years. The child is 5 years old, so was probably conceived 2 years before OP knew him.

OP didn't say the ages of their children and it's really not relevant, some people choose to have children close together and some people are pushed to it for health reasons. Regardless, it takes two to make a baby and they've been together years so they can do what they want? People are reacting like she received CMS letters about 3 different kids all of similar ages.

Crikey OP that’s a shock! How you and your partner react to this situation will have huge ramifications for your relationship and your family regardless of the outcome. In your shoes I would focus on getting the test done and making sure my partner knew that I wasn’t judging or flying off the handle. If you wig out now and the DNA test comes back negative, your relationship will take a big hit. If it turns out that the child is his you will both need to be communicating to keep your family together.

Are you really suggesting that OP aborts a baby she wants because another woman is claiming he is the father of her child!?

This place gets weirder by the day.

OP, assuming CMS don't know about your children, the amount will be reduced by 14% for your current 2 and this will increase to 16% once your baby arrives.

They may not also have factored in pension payments your DP makes.

Fingers crossed the DNA test says he isn't the father 🤞🏼

@ElsaLion

How lovely!!

congratulations !

Hope you have a lovely Christmas 🎄 & safe arrival in the New Year!!

What a shock for you OP.

The CMS letter gives her name and he's confirmed that he dated her. Did he say whether he knew of her dating anyone else at the time? Do you trust him when he says that she blocked him? Has he tried contacting her at all?

Obviously you need to wait for the DNA test results but if they're positive, will he want to be involved in the child's life? You seem to be focused on the financial side but if he has another child and your children have half-siblings, that's massive.

There are CMS scam letters around. Check it out independently.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/comments/1dwpnnq/is_this_a_scam_letter/?rdt=40055

Oh that's a good point re the IVA.

OP, if your DP is the father, make sure he lets the IVA company know as they'll renegotiate his repayments for that to take the new expenditure into account. You may not find your disposable income ends up being much different after all.

DP and boyfriend basically mean the same thing. Its not her husband, there was no 'downgrade' or anything he is literally just her 'partner' (meaning simple one part of a pair).

You the one 'grading' these status when they are just different words to mean the same thing.

Anyone who has birthed a child knows they don't "pop" out.

What options are those? Are you saying (in a very casual way) that OP should get an abortion because some woman didn't think to tell her ex she was having his baby 5 years ago?

I was genuinely trying to workout why CMS had already worked out what the DP would need to pay, when I asked the question. I know nothing about CMS. Plenty other people on here are asking much the same question. Not sure what was nasty about it? It wasn't meant to be nasty. Another poster made a reply which sounded as if it could be correct. I feel very sorry for the OP and DP if it turns out he is the father and didn't know for 5 years.

He did it all by himself did he?
Posters need to stop making stuff up its entirely possible the child isn't his even if he is the father of this child it doesn't mean there of loads of other children fathered by him

It sounds like they already couldn’t afford a third child if they’re already renting from the council (which is the cheapest way to rent) and had to enter into an IVA.

If he’s got an Iva does that mean he has priority debts that mean he won’t be paying cms at the moment anyway?

Another baby and you have an IVA? Can’t you wait for a bit more stability?

Why now?

Why nothing for 5yrs, and now the CMS as the first acknowledgement a child exists?

Very odd...

I'm saying it's an option, one that many women would take if they can't afford their children/step children.

There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to abortion. Don't try to silence people who refer to it.

Abortion is a legitimate means of life planning and a legitimate option available to all women. Don't try to shame people for mentioning it (or referring in my case).

That must be a shock. Sorry you're getting some grief about this when none of it is your fault.

Get that DNA test done because I too would question why this woman waited five years to tell your OH that he's the father of her child. Did he really not have any idea at all? Does seem incredibly cold to break the news via the CMS!

There are some utter bitches on here along with some sensible responses. Like others have said you need to get the DNA test completed and take if from there. If he is the father then he needs to inform CMS about the IVA and his two other children, and then decide what involvement he would like to have.

It's been a shock to both of you, and being in early pregnancy your hormones will be all over the place. Wishing you all the best and congratulations on your pregnancy.

the other mum has likely guessed your DPs wage and this had led to an estimate which is a high number

Cms would check salary information as they have links to HMRC. The op can check the calculation online. It is usually 10% of net salary, less for the 2 children he has with Op. Its actually not a significant about as Ops partner keeps over 90% of salary.

It wasn’t ‘advice’. It was what a lot of these men do.