DP received letter for CMS

[lockdownbabyx]

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and have 2 children and another on the way.
Today he received a letter from CMS saying he owes child maintenance for a child he has never known about. This child is now 5 years old.

Obviously a dna test will need to be done anyway, but where do we stand with this?

I'm so upset and confused, literally found out I was pregnant again yesterday 😭

You two seem nice.

The speed? 5 years? Where are you getting your timings from? This feels like a pointlessly unkind post based on nothing but your own need to hurt. Sad.

Unfortunately, that's not the child's problem, is it. You're very early stages of pregnancy, you have options if he can't afford the children he's already brought into the world.

If the child is 5 then talking 6yrs ago to be preg

You have been with him for 4yrs - have 2 kids and preg with 3rd

If he wasn't told at the time then not his fault imo

But obv will have to pay cms

So first thing to do is to do dna. Who pays for that ? Mum , dad ? Both ? Cms ?

What a shock. I really hope he isn't like my dad. He went to court to ask to pay less for me.

He was paying 25p a week..

😂

You weren't being factual

he's not her boyfriend, he's her DP. They have 2 children & a home together, not going to the cinema together. It's her relationship to define, not yours, you were trying to downgrade it. It's not me being unpleasant. 🙄

There's no reason a good relationship wouldn't 'last this A good many do.

no facts from you, just judgement with a side order of nasty.

Get the dna test. Inform the cms that he has two children. If the new old child is his your children will be taken into account and the amount owed to his other child will be lower and then lower again when number three is born.

I'd be asking on this order.

1. For DP to have the snip so no more babies. Particularly as you are pregnant with your third DC.
2. Get DP to contact CMS to do a DNA test.
3. I form CMS about your 2 DC and due date of new baby.
4. If the baby is his he needs to contact his ex to arrange contact with first DC. If only 5 hopefully DC will be receptive to forming a relationship with him and you and your DC.
5. Cut back on other things, especially his personal spending money, so he can pay for first DC.
6. Over time try to form a relationship between all DC.

It must be hard on you. I wouldn't tell your DC until after you find out for certain if your DP is the father of his exgf DC. CMS is a priority debt so if the DC is his there is no way he should not pay what CMS ask him to as a minimum.

Honestly posters like you are vile. Dripping with contempt.

Answer the question or dont.

He's adamant condoms were always used

No contraception gives 100% security against pregnancy.

It must be such a shock, just when you've discovered you're having another baby and are taking in that news, to have this news to take in.

Try to ignore, if you can, all the judgey comments. No doubt they come from people who've had bad experiences. But that doesn't mean things can't be good in your experience. Of course it's a shock and it's a lot to navigate, but first steps, as others have said, are for your DP to contact the CMS and have a dna test.

My thoughts would then go to the child, who, as others have said, is hopefully at an age where it could be a positive experience meeting his or her other parent and siblings (also young enough for it not to affect them negatively).

I'd suggest finding support for you both as a couple, if there are organisations offering information, support and advice (presumably what you hoped for here, rather than the judgey comments). Moving forward, if you introduce the new child into your lives, perhaps some family support is possible, or other help in how to go about it.

She will have made a CMS application, but as part of that she will have answered a question about how many other children he is responsible for. If she doesn't know what the answer to that question is, the claim that they're calculating may be based on incorrect information.

Go to the website and see what that calculates the ongoing payment to be based on your actual circumstances.

That is one thing that is potentially able to reduce the claim at least.

In terms of a backdated claim, a google seems to suggest that CMS cannot backdate payments from before a case was opened, so if they are claiming for years' worth, then it would suggest that they have been aware for a number of years and your DP should therefore have been aware also...

Not suggesting he's definitely lying to you OP, but if it's true that CMS can't backdate claims, then this claim has already been going on for years, without your knowledge at least. (Any prior year child support would appear to be a civil matter)

I would firstly suggest a call to the CMS with both you and your DP in the room, on speakerphone, to ask where this claim has come from and why it's been backdated particularly, then saying that you are going to question the parentage and request a DNA test.

As PP have said, until you know for definite, there's not a great deal more you can do at this stage other than be prepared.

Sensible advice from @caringcarer . No reason why OP would split from DP.

Obviously I am assuming he genuinely didn’t know up until this point. Try to see the positives. An older sibling for your DC.

You can appeal the amount. Your children, and the costs, are taken into account. But first, get the DNA test done.

I'd be very sceptical about his claim to know nothing about it.

I wondered this, shit stirring maybe??

I haven’t had anything to do with CMS but I find it odd that they’d be asking for an amount with no prior contact. He could be penniless, could be a lottery winner…

I think as others have said that it’s either a fake letter or that CMS are already in contact.

Agreed, especially as I've found a few more articles stating that CMS can only backdate the payments if they've previously been ordered by the CMS (i.e. there was a determination previously and the paying parent has simply failed to pay).

CMS cannot just send a claim now saying "so, it turns out you're the parent of a 5 year old, pay up for the last 5 years."

They do take into account your dependents, which CMS may not know yet. So hopefully the amount will be an affordable level. I'm sorry though, emotionally this all sounds very hard.

There's a hell of a lot of assumptions on this thread, mainly I expect from women whose Exs tried to dodge out of CM, but that doesn't mean every man tries to avoid his obligations. Some women want the baby but not the man and think they'll go it alone, but no one ever seems to revile them in the same way. Get the DNA test done then go on from there Op

He'll pay less when your next child is born.

I've been here around 20 years 😂😂

but it's definitely changed a whole lot!!

in the beginning it was 'straight talking' for sure, but it wasn't nasty.

it was actually great for debate, but not nasty for nasty sake. I miss the old days.