DH and toilet habits

[Baabaasheeps]

Every morning my DH sets an alarm for 6am as he has an hour commute to work.

He often gets up then but will spend up to an hour on the toilet. I’m pretty sure he’s watching videos or reading nonsense in there.

Then he will start getting ready etc meaning he doesn’t get into work until late, this means he works late and never gets home before 8pm. We have a baby and a toddler and he’s never back for bedtime and also never helps in the morning as he’s on the toilet!

AIBU to tell him a few home truths? He’s always complaining he is late for work and ‘doesn’t know where the morning goes’.

Yeah he knows what he is doing……

Come on OP

He’s doing this on purpose because he believes that you should be doing everything. He had children but doesn’t want any of responsibility and is prepared to see you run yourself into the ground. Definitely talk to him. This is not on.

Set him an alarm for the toilet. If it doesn't improve I'd consider if he may need to see a doctor or he might be having an affair

You are patently not being unreasonable.
Who the hell spends one hour in the toilet.
He needs to pull his weight. Tell him his toilet visit needs to be shortened 10 mins maximum.

As someone said on here today, you have to make his laziness harder for him.
Maybe as you are putting the kids to bed, tidying the aftermath of bath time he can get dinner once he gets home. Since he doesn’t leave early in the morning he can have breakfast with the kids as you get ready/go for a walk. You need to make his life much harder.

I'd treat it seriously, make him increase his fruit and veg, take a stool softener, lots of long awkward convos about piles. Sexy times eh? That should shame him out of it.

That's a good idea

I banned mobiles in the toilet. Improved our situation massively. We have one toilet to share between four people and everyone seems to take their mobile there and spend at least 45 minutes watching videos.
@lasagnelle that's quite a leap. What does an affair has to do with it?

The staying late. The 1 hour textathon in the loo

A friggin' HOUR in the loo?

''Get out of the fucking bathroom DH and get to work on time - i need your help tonight!''

I’m sorry but looking on your phone on the toilet gives the shudders. I know most people keep their phone in the pocket, and I always put my phone on a shelf before sitting on the toilet so I don’t drop it in. I know my husband and daughter do to because they often have to go back to get it.

to sit on the toilet scrolling on the phone is disgusting the germs 🤢. But then I’m like that with books or anything in the bathroom, just do your business and leave, life’s to short to spend it sat on the loo.

Is this a bloke thing? I can't imagine any woman I know spending an hour in the toilet unless they were very poorly. Is he not just in there hiding from his own children so he doesn't have to parent them. Cheeky so and so.

Yes, get him told. His morning is going down the toilet during that hour he spends sitting on it.

He’s not having an affair I’m sure he’s watching videos of cycling and dogs, I can hear them!

Set his alarm an hour earlier to allow for 'toilet time' then he won't be late, unless that means he spends two hours in there.

You should buy him some over the counter laxatives and hand them to him. When he asks why, tell him it’s because he spends an hour on the toilet every morning so you assumed he must be constipated.

Either that or remove the bathroom door for full transparency.

He's late for work every single day and never helps with the children. I can't believe it's got so far and you haven't said anything.

He sits on the loo for an hour, gets to work late so has to work late - so he never helps you out with the kids. Morning or evening.

This is a sit down and talk about it thing OP. No joke.

He's either very thick or knows exactly what he's doing. Seeing he hold down a job i imagine it's the later.

Very very unkind of him.

I'd be asking him straight which one is it. Is he stupid or unkind? Because it's one or the other.

If he's late every day unless he's the boss or a top salesman he's putting his job in jeopardy. I never take my phone into the toilet that's just icky, and I have low standards. Put a couple of stink bombs in there just before he goes in.

Totally unreasonable of him. I'm angry on your behalf, with a baby and toddler, time to pull his weight. Which should be a lot lighter after an hour on the toilet.

He’s not ‘late’ he has the sort of job where you can get in the office before 10 IYSWIM but then you’d need to stay late to get through your work. My job (when not on mat leave) is the same they are flexible on the start time but the volume of work means I would have to work late to get everything done for the day.

In the toilet?

He's timing his day to avoid helping with the children. Does he do anything useful in the home?

Have you tried turning the wi-Fi off ?