DH and toilet habits

[Baabaasheeps]

Every morning my DH sets an alarm for 6am as he has an hour commute to work.

He often gets up then but will spend up to an hour on the toilet. I’m pretty sure he’s watching videos or reading nonsense in there.

Then he will start getting ready etc meaning he doesn’t get into work until late, this means he works late and never gets home before 8pm. We have a baby and a toddler and he’s never back for bedtime and also never helps in the morning as he’s on the toilet!

AIBU to tell him a few home truths? He’s always complaining he is late for work and ‘doesn’t know where the morning goes’.

I’m feeling sorry for him. Sounds like IBS or some other bowel problem. Sitting on the toilet for any length of time is uncomfortable. Not a thing to give him more grief about. Discuss dietary adjustments or doing IBS research together instead.

@missmollygreen what are you talking about? He works for 8.5 hours and appears to spend the rest of the day fucking about!

OP, have you considered building a Faraday cage around the toilet?

In all seriousness though, he sounds a bit useless. What time do you get to yourself? How long is it until you're back at work and can repay the favour?

We had an apprentice where I worked a few years ago who was one of the laziest people I’ve met. He would disappear and stay in the toilet for ages, especially if he’d been given a job with a deadline to do. It was ultimately a means to avoid working. There was only 1 male toilet so the other men in the office would often have to bang the door and say, “are you going to be much longer? There’s a queue here,” and similar remarks.

OP’s husband definitely doing something along similar lines.

Teach toddler how to unlock the bathroom from outside.

Surely, it's a shitty situation.
But, what purpose does it serve, to do half of laundry, no food, no usual work?
For most of us I'd say it's very difficult to live in a mess.
I'm not gonna sing my usual praise for singledom, but I cannot see much outcome here.

He’s taking up to an hour actually, but I’m with you lol..

My husband is the same.. disappears to the loo with his phone.. but I’ve got him now asking me if anything is needed from
him before he vanishes.. I don’t mind because I’m not left in the lurch dealing with everything to do with the toddler… unlike in OP’s situation.

Sorry but he’s wanking. No nicer way to put it. Perhaps not every single time, but 90% of the time that’s 100% what he’s doing. It’s the only place in the house he is guaranteed privacy and time alone to watch porn and bash one out.

It’s weird AF and I would truly go ballistic. There’s a time and a place to do it and it’s when you’re home alone, not when your wife and kids are literally on the other side of the door.

This is such a crazy comment! So the woman is basically on call for 24 hours a day, regardless of how shit and run down she is feeling, and every thing in the home, and regarding the children, is on her, but he doesn’t have to lift a finger because he works 9-5? Good grief, I am always so very gob smacked when I hear other women talk in this way.

Why are you even asking? Of course you need to say what the hell are you doing for an hour on the toilet? Pull yourself together and get to work on time you fool

I think he should be allowed to sit in the toilet for an hour a day if he wants, but only if you get an hour to do whatever you please as well. If he can’t give you an hour, he can cut his poo-athon down to 30 mins and you can take the other 30mins. What a selfish dick.

Suggest a doctors appointment. Either way you win:

Likely outcome:
He's embarrassed because he's reading in the loo, when he should be helping with baby, he stops, you win.

Unlikely outcome:
He confesses he's on the loo for so long each morning because he always starts the day so backed-up/so runny/with such horrid tummy ache and makes the appointment. You win because he gets to docs to sort him before he is gravely ill.

Yep what @jelllycatparent said, he's wanking. Always amazed when I read these threads and people don't realise this.

Tell him there's a time and a place and this is not it. He needs to be a present parent.

I’m a SAHM and home educate my daughter who has separation anxiety from me (we’re always together). I sometimes go ‘the toilet’ when dad is home and I need a break. I just scroll in the bathroom and I’m 100% ducking out of parenting for those 15 minutes. I can guarantee that your husband is doing the same except four times longer and without your agreement.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤦🏾‍♂️

I would tell him straight he is stealing your time and missing out in time with his kids by spending it watching videos on the toilet. If he protests say ok fine so there's no problem leaving your phone outside when you go into the bathroom then?

OP are you actually me?! Your post was literally like I could have written it. Although I'm now back at work and spend my mornings running round frazzled trying to get myself and 2 young children ready while my husband has the world's longest poo.

Yes I can never understand why a man (boy?) at work sits on the toilet for hours*.
He usually does it at lunchtime so it's not something which I complain about and it's not something which I really care about (he obviously does it in the Gents), but it suggests to me that there's something going on.
*I exaggerate, but ½an hour at least.

Yuk - what a selfish pig!!! Are you planning on returning to work? What’s his plan then. He’s not acting like a loving father to his children is he - not wanting to bath them or put them to bed. I’d go out for the whole day one day at the weekend and leave him too it. He firmly believes it’s women’s work!!! You really need to challenge him. Mr entitled - I hope you have real life support.

Lazy conniving bastard. He sounds the sort who would wait around the corner so that you get in first and start the tea. Cocklodger.

Whilst he's at work on Monday, take the hinges off the toilet door.

Most likely watching porn and having a wank being in their that long

He's selfish you have no time to your self

My late DH read in the loo, so would spend around half an hour. His brother does the same thing, although has issues with IBS as well. Lots of people read on the loo. I have a bookshelf with books in the downstairs loo. But OP's DH is getting up early and then wasting the time he should be using getting ready to go out - unless he has bowel issues, in which case he needs to see his GP. OP should suggest this. Also always have dried up dinner in oven for him when he comes home at 8pm. Seems unlikely he's having an affair - the excuse is too yucky.

He's probably reading spy novels, in fact. Why does everyone on here think it's odd to read in the loo? It's very, very common. You get guaranteed peace and quiet to get on with a book.

You may be home all day but he doesn't get to use that as an excuse to be an absent parent;what happens when you return to work?;he'll simply find another excuse as to why all responsibilities are dumped onto your shoulders.

Here we have another poor example of a man who's had kids and now has buyers regret.

He doesn't respect you OP and thinks he's more important than you.