DH and toilet habits

[Baabaasheeps]

Every morning my DH sets an alarm for 6am as he has an hour commute to work.

He often gets up then but will spend up to an hour on the toilet. I’m pretty sure he’s watching videos or reading nonsense in there.

Then he will start getting ready etc meaning he doesn’t get into work until late, this means he works late and never gets home before 8pm. We have a baby and a toddler and he’s never back for bedtime and also never helps in the morning as he’s on the toilet!

AIBU to tell him a few home truths? He’s always complaining he is late for work and ‘doesn’t know where the morning goes’.

But why should op have to carry this man child! If he really has a problem he needs to spend an hour in the bathroom then he needs to buy his own alarm clock. He most likely doesn’t need one in any case, he’s just a lazy arse parent who can’t be arsed to look after his own kids!

wouldn't help necessarily, especially if he's on unlimited mobile data.

Nah my partner does the same and we don't have kids. To them it's no different sitting watching a video somewhere else, it just happens to be the toilet.

But this has nothing to do with time management, so alarm clocks, banning phones in toilet, cutting the WiFi, that’s not what this is about. He doesn’t give a shit about being a present father, or a decent partner to his wife who’s just had a baby, and has a toddler, and is probably not sleeping properly, doing all the child rearing, keep the house clean and keeping this man child fed. I would be livid if my partner was taking advantage of me like this.

Take his phone before he goes in there. Agree with setting an alarm clock in there too - out of arm's length! You can get highly annoying ones that get increasingly louder.

Maybe something with the Countdown clock music.

Mine was messing on his phone. Watching porn & texting his girlfriend.
Amazingly it all sped up once I found out & he got really scared what he was about to loose.

@Baabaasheeps buy a portaloo for his christmas and plonk it on the patio!! lock the toilet doors from the outside!! he is a lazy shite!! it will be too cold for him to hang about in a portaloo so he will crap and run back in!

The difference is the op and her OH do have kids. You can’t be pissing about in the toilet watching videos and being late for work while the other parent has to take the brunt of the childcare! He’s being a shit father and husband. Nothing more to it.

Phone addiction. It’s his alone time with the phone.

Why arnt you walking in and handing him a poopy child ? knocking on door and saying “ get here and help !”

wait till he gets home and go to your exercise class leaving him to cook and put kids to bed

have an adult conversation about what he needs to do ?

your low levels of assertiveness are worrying

its also really bad for your butthole to sit on the loo for longer than necessary as it's an unsupported ring and puts pressure on your rectum- gives you piles.

I have no idea if that's actually true - heard from multiple sources but not verified - but it might work if you tell him.

What's the point of him? Looking at nonsense is making him late for work. What a child. I'd find it so unacceptable and unattractive.

I’d send the toddler in.

The toddler would get extra ‘quality time’ with Daddy. They’d love it. Daddy wouldn’t love it so much but it might shorten his trips to the toilet.

Tell him. But I think he does it on purpose because hes escaping being a parent. He is selfish and taking the piss. You need to start banging on the door at 5 min intervals.

The fact that he's on the toilet watching cat videos is irrelevant. The issue is that he's spending 2 hours a day just getting himself ready for work, which takes out a lot of time for other things. If DH was spending 2 hours faffing getting ready for work while I'm the one dealing with small chidlren, I'd be annoyed. And tht's what I'd be saying to him. Tell him it's completely ridiculous. Ask him if he thinks when you go back to Mat leave, it will be reasonable for you to spend 2 hours getting ready in the morning so that you are then late for work, late to get home from work and who will be looking after the children in the morning and the afternoon.

That's seven hours a week sitting on the toilet? Nearly a full day's work!!

I have a bowel condition and even in a bad phase would never spend anywhere near that time in the loo.

We have multiple toilets so that’s not an issue. It’s the time taken away from other things. If he was more inclined to he could be out of the door by 7, at work by 8 and ok to leave around 4.30 - 5, home by 6 for bedtime. I’ve pointed this all out and he said it’s his free time and I’m at home all day. Anything I say regarding the amount of time he spends at work gets pushed back on me as I’m not at work atm. I feel like he does have a point in that respect but I never get a minute to myself to go to the toilet or do anything else like exercise etc.

"I’ve pointed this all out and he said it’s his free time and I’m at home all day."

There's your issue, OP - despite an hour in the toilet every morning, he doesn't give a shit.

Flippant remarks aside, your DH has literally told you he'd rather sit in the toilet for hours than help you or spend time with you and the kids.

Listen to him, because he's telling you who he is.

You only do it to make him aware you're wise to what he's up to.

Or you could just go with a lifetime of pass-agg comments over the dining table, if that's more your thing.

Aaah, so now we get to the real rub of it. He thinks that because he works, and you are at home enjoying all this lovely "free time" that he deserves this time to himself.

As expected, teh issue is not the toilet. The issue is tha the doesn't seem to think that he has to contribute to the home. I dread to think how this is goign to play out when you go back to work.

Just keep ringing his phone so you're interrupting his view fest! 😁

He doesn't give a shit 😂😂😂

This made me laugh!

Send him articles on anal prolapses from sitting on the toilet for too long. Toilet scrolling: how bathroom phone use plays havoc with your health | Mobile phones | The Guardian

It's not about who is home all day and not, it's about how much free time each of you get.

With a baby and a toddler unless you have amazed to synchronise their naps and you have a cleaner, i bet you have zero leisure time in the day.

If he wants to use his free hour watching videos on the toilet then I guess its up to him. But you get equivalent free time when the kids are awake and leaving them with him. So that's at least 5 hours at the weekend

It really sucks when someone could pull their weight and instead they take the time to relax whilst you do their share. It just indicates a lack of respect and care

Organise yourself a day away from home so he has to take time off work and do EVERYTHING you do all day- perhaps then it will sink in how hard he's making it for you.
Does he enjoy having "Daddy time" at all?