DH and toilet habits

[Baabaasheeps]

Every morning my DH sets an alarm for 6am as he has an hour commute to work.

He often gets up then but will spend up to an hour on the toilet. I’m pretty sure he’s watching videos or reading nonsense in there.

Then he will start getting ready etc meaning he doesn’t get into work until late, this means he works late and never gets home before 8pm. We have a baby and a toddler and he’s never back for bedtime and also never helps in the morning as he’s on the toilet!

AIBU to tell him a few home truths? He’s always complaining he is late for work and ‘doesn’t know where the morning goes’.

What use is that when we all have data?

He needs to set his alarm earlier if he needs a lot of time to use the bathroom.

Bit of hot and heavy texting where he can't be seen

Keep banging on the door and say you need to go. Every five minutes.

Maybe it's his way to unwind.
People develop strange habits when they have nowhere to escape.

I’m sorry, I know this is serious, but I read that as he’s watching ‘cycling dogs’!! Which is a whole other thread…
But yes, an hour on the loo is as weird as fuck.

You don't get to escape and dump all parenting responsibility on your partner.

Remove the lock and send the kids on in

He's a selfish prick who thinks the kids are your job and he doesn't have to parent.

So many men, even relatively good men, will snaffle up all the odd free moments like this if they're allowed to. They think they're owed it.

No, I don't. He seems to 😁

Take the door off the loo.

Bit extreme perhaps.

My husband has also recently taken up the habit of spending up to an hour on the phone on the loo, watching YouTube or Tik Tok videos. Usually in the hope I'll forget that I'd asked him to do something... This is a man, that when mobile phones came out, refused to have one... Then eventually got one, as he was/is still a professional driver and realised that it was a good idea for various reasons. Then he point blank refused anything but a phone that would call and text. Didn't want the internet at all. And now we're at this point! Thankfully there are only the two of us in the house, but he knows I have stomach issues! It's driving me absolutely insane. I feel your frustration and it's doubly so for you, with children to sort out!
Tell him to leave his phone downstairs! Works for me occasionally!

Same in our house but not an hour. Sits in there watching videos for 20 mins, but if I bring it up, I'm unreasonable. Yet there i am running around like a blue ass fly.

He’s doing it to avoid his responsibilities.

I’d ask if he is constantly constipated…no, well don’t sit on the toilet for so long then. It is actually a problem for men and can cause issues. I say for men, as similarly to the bloody shower, women tend to just do what they need to and get off/out! We don’t have time for that nonsense.

https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19521086/time-spent-pooping/

I expect I'll have to name change again soon, but yeah, my DH routinely spends about an hour in the shower room in the morning, and only the last 8 minutes is a shower.
On days when we don't need to be somewhere e.g. some weekend days, he will wait till I get up for a wee and immediately head to the shower room. It is very frustrating.
I now make a point of mentioning the night before if I'll need a shower within a specific time period. At least we have 2 toilets between 4 of us.

This is so disrespectful to you - it says everything about his commitment to your partnership honestly. It’s a symptom of a deep problem in his perspective and what he thinks about your roles in the family together. I would have a serious talk and maybe even some type of counselling, frankly if he doesn’t change his ways he’s a dead weight. I hope he is at least very generous with money because you’re enabling him in every way really to be successful at work if he’s doing F all at home and then able to work long hours. If he’s not seriously great with money I’d be probably wondering what a divorce might look like..

Never a truer word spoken!!! Maybe MN could do a charity range of men’s slogan T-shirts for Xmas, ‘Snaffling up all the free moments’!!

They ALWAYS know what they are doing

Unless he has a diagnosed bowel problem then he is taking the piss.

Tell him straight that enough is enough and you are better off without him and he can sail off into the sunset with his bog for company.

I know, it's never women is it?! Because we have too much to do!!

Ask if he is constipated.
Suggest that he do a bowel cancer check.
Send away for a do-at-home pack for both of you.
You should do one every year to check for blood in the stool and a possibility of bowel cancer which is very treatable if found early.

After that concern, make a pact with husband that he do some parenting at both ends of the day. Your child deserves getting to know his father. Maybe he could try - rocking the child while you shower, reading a night time story and helping with the bath.

Put an alarm clock in the loo set for 6.30.

That made me laugh 😃

Buy an alarm clock.
Phones downstairs overnight.

He spends an hour on the toilet watching videos? Who the fuck wants to spend an hour on the toilet! He knows what he’s doing op. Let me guess - this ‘toilet habit’ has only developed since having kids? He’s doing it on purpose op so that he doesn’t have to have any responsibility in looking after the little ones!

This could lead to serious health issue such as pile!