DH and toilet habits

[Baabaasheeps]

Every morning my DH sets an alarm for 6am as he has an hour commute to work.

He often gets up then but will spend up to an hour on the toilet. I’m pretty sure he’s watching videos or reading nonsense in there.

Then he will start getting ready etc meaning he doesn’t get into work until late, this means he works late and never gets home before 8pm. We have a baby and a toddler and he’s never back for bedtime and also never helps in the morning as he’s on the toilet!

AIBU to tell him a few home truths? He’s always complaining he is late for work and ‘doesn’t know where the morning goes’.

The person I was replying to asked if it started when they had kids so he was avoiding childcare, and I was pointing out that it's a thing men do whether they have kids or not.

It's not okay to do it just because you don't have kids. It's not okay in general. I have had massive pains from not being able to pee because I genuinely thought my partner was using the bathroom when he wasn't actually.

That is some selfish waster you have had children with.

Deliberately avoiding two of the most difficult times of the day.

Every office has these losers.
The knes that avoid home and sharing the load.
How can you look at him?

So selfish.
God help you.

Excellent idea.

Yes it was me you replied to. I’d say in this instance he is pretty much avoiding childcare and I’m sure if op has noticed his length of spending time in the bathroom then it must have become a daily habit.

Unfortunately I cannot see any other reason for spending an excessive amount of time in the bathroom and I don’t believe it’s just a case of ‘what men do’ other than they’re either secretly hiding something or avoiding something/ someone. I’ve never come across a man who spends lengthy periods of time in the bathroom to the point they’re late for work every day. The only time I’ve heard of this happening is on threads on MN where the OH is spending long periods of time in the bathroom texting another woman. Definitely not saying this is the case for the op but it does sound like he’s avoiding any sort of morning routine with his baby and toddler and making himself so late for work that he has to stay behind and conveniently miss their bath and bedtime routine.

It gives me the shudders too, but why take the phone into the toilet anyway? I could understand maybe Heads of State afraid of missing a nuclear alert, but why would any ordinary person take a mobile into the loo with them?

So he is using the bathroom as an excuse to escape looking after his baby and toddler then. Because he seems to think he has a god given right to do so by claiming it’s ‘his free time’. That’s your answer then op, he’s in the bathroom to stay away from any responsibility of looking after the children and then putting it all back on you. He won’t change when you return to work after maternity leave, instead he’ll move the goal posts. He’s a waste of space and I wouldn’t be staying with a man who had those views

His 'free time' is being on the toilet?? 🤣🤣🤣
This thread is killing me because my partner is doing it as well. Always gets back late.

Go sit in the loo for an hour at the weekend on mumsnet

Could he do an online supermarket order while he's there?

Are your kids up at 6? If so I'd beat him to it. Hide in the bathroom for an hour so he has the kids for an hour. Might make him realise what a knob he's being.

Take a book and a cuppa, some cushions and have a quiet morning lounge jin the empty bath.

Total norm in our house, DP has IBD! He spends every morning on the toilet.

I agree make it hard for him, get up at 5.55 and have an hour long bubble bath or go to an early exercise class, generally disappear. On the weekend disappear more, every meal
time/bedtime etc.
There was a thread the other week about a posters DH who kept be unavailable around meal time and bed time because he suddenly decided to do a DIY job in his shed.

He's a selfish fucker.

People like that seldom realise unfortunately. It’s very likely that all that will happen is he will put the blame on the op, cause an argument and then gaslight the op into thinking she’s being the unreasonable one. He’s already doing that by gaslighting her into thinking that she doesn’t deserve any help and that he shouldn’t need to help her because she’s apparently ‘sat at home all day’.

Switch off the WiFi when he's on the toilet

That’s not going to work if he has a phone signal in there.

Told my husband tonight about this thread. Told him he risked his arse falling out with the length of time he sits on the loo! He did pale slightly, but I doubt it'll make any difference! He'll be going in to Shady Pines, I'm not dealing with that if it happens!!! 🤣

😂😂😂

Op, you r spoken your truth and then defended him when given advice. Your OP needs to step up and sort himself out.

Unplug the WFI until you hear a movement (of one sort or another)?

I'd start taking notes, for the next 2 weeks I'd record what time he enters the bathroom and what time he leaves the bathroom. Dont say anything just present him with the times, a daily total of minutes, a weekly total and fortnightly total. Next time he says I don't know where the morning has gone point him to the fridge where a copy of the above is kept forward and centre! If it continues and he continues being a dick about it then whatever his weekly total is, less whatever you think is a reasonable time to be in the loo, he has to "pay you back for" either time for yourself or cold hard cash

My exH had OCD which resulted in an hour+ in the bathroom every morning but that was a genuine need albeit psychological rather than physical. He also went through 24 toilet rolls a week, 7 bottles of shampoo, 4 bars of soap and a couple of shower gels too so Im sure you'd know if this was your DH's problem! Assuming your DH doesn't have any issue like that, then hopefully a discussion will resolve this.

We have an open door policy. You don't get to go to the toilet and shut the door. So my husband often poos with 3 children under 3 with him. If I don't get to go to the toilet in peace during the day then he doesn't get to in the morning. That might help speed him up or at least give you 5 minutes peace

Change diet, add lots more fruit and vegetables etc more than usual, so he has no excuse.

Switch off the internet.