Lost weight, now losing friends!

[Artistbythewater]

I have been over weight for many years. I decided about six months ago I have had enough.

I am now a size 10 and some of my friends have taken it very badly, and it has shocked me. I am now often quizzed, judged and I no longer feel like one of them. My feminist values have been questioned subtly, I am adhering to the patriarchy is the overall impression I am given. I have ‘given in’ or something like that.

I am furious. This is my body. I can be fit and well if I want to be. I spent an entire dinner party listening to friends telling me I should be proud whatever my size at the weekend. All the while looking slightly peeved.

I was pre diabetic with a host of health problems before, which was the main reason behind my decision. I feel fitter, more confident in myself. I can run, feel comfortable in clothes. It’s made such a difference to me personally.

We are not young - menopausal age. I thought I had better friends than this! Has anyone else experienced this?

Good for you - you can be your best self if you want to be 💐

Can your other overweight friends afford weight loss jabs if they wanted to go down that route? If not then that is why they are resentful....... or maybe they just wish they could afford the jabs too?

I totally get that. Everyone sees me now. Very exposing.

Yes they can. They just don’t believe they are the right way to go…

Sorry I miss understood I thought you were doing more fitness classes etc, They do sound very jelous. I didnt mean you dont eat, but your eating habits would change, less likely to binge on a meal out with them. I dont know what you do with your friends to socialise. Are you all married with kids? Do you go out drinking?

I don't see how being overweight is a feminist action! I see it very much as trying to be invisible. I certainly feel a lot more visible now I've lost some weight - and I don't mean visible to men, either.

I lost a friend years ago when I realised she had exactly this attitude and I had been fulfilling that role in her life for years. I lost 5 stones through dieting so I looked very different, she changed what she offered me when inviting me to lunch, made highly calorific meals, and when we met for coffee she would always get there earlier than the agreed time and order a massive slice of cake covered in icing for me so it was sitting there ready.
It took me a while to realise why she was doing it but when the penny dropped I just stopped seeing her, I realised she hadn't been a true friend at all. Real friends just wanted me to be happy with my size, whether that was slim or overweight.

It’s jealousy. They’ll get used to it.

Honestly, you’ve done a good thing. Please spend time with the friends who are supportive, and find some new ones too.

It might be they think the jab is the easy option whilst they struggle

When I think back throughout my working life I can remember many many instances where I've been on a diet and suddenly a slimmer friend brings doughnuts or biscuits into the office and urges them on me. It's so obvious now but I have to admit I didn't think anything of it at the time.

I seem to remember that Adele got a whole load of flack when she lost several stones in weight. She was hugely successful so fat people could think " Look there's a successful fat person so it must be okay to be fat". She was an icon.Then she dared to decide it was incredibly unhealthy. She said she wanted to increase her chances of being around for her son. That made people angry. You have deserted your proper place in the scheme of things amongst your friendship group Op. You were one of the fat ones. Now you've dared to work really hard and you look fabulous for it. It's no different to anorexics on online sites. They only belong there because they fit starvation size requirements. Once they decide to eat and survive they are cast out. We'll done you.

Not me but I've seen it happen. I had a friend who is very slim, her closest friend used to be overweight. When she lost 3 stone, slim "friend" said she couldn't tell and made derogatory remarks. It was really mean and I backed off as it put me right off her.

Your ‘friends’ are not friends and now feel threatened by you and your hot new bod. Go out have fun and get some nicer friends!

Ahhh OP I feel for you. This hasn’t happened to me but I am using MJ and have lost 3 stones. I am finding the comments very difficult. People are being complimentary but I feel very exposed and very visible.

My closest friend and I have always been the same size and now we are not. It’s difficult as we always loved food and eating (and over eating) and now I don’t eat very much. It’s very difficult.

I spent an entire dinner party listening to friends telling me I should be proud whatever my size at the weekend. All the while looking slightly peeved.

Crikey, that sounds so dull. Unless the meal was formally arranged to discuss weight and size then I can't imagine having such a group of friends.

Just wanted to start with a huge congrats on the weight loss. Most people don't understand that with weight loss jabs that you still need to put in the work to get healthy and maintain weight loss. They help but they aren't a magic pill. You've worked bloody hard and you deserve to enjoy the results.

And I'm sorry your friends have been weird about it rather than cheering you on. As others have said, you've shaken up the hierarchy of the group and nobody likes change!

You might find that in a few months your friends will come around and see that you are still the person they've known for years and you haven't turned into someone else just because you look different.

And if they don't, sad as it is, they aren't real friends. If they can't support you through something as small as weight loss, they won't support you through the big stuff. Meet some lovely new people who go to your gym classes, or join some groups.

Ignore the weird friends and try to spend more time with the friends you said are not giving you a hard time. And congrats on the accomplishment

There’s maybe an element of group think/group justification too?

Like if your group of friends were all smokers then you stopped - everyone knows smoking is unhealthy, but being part of a group of smokers helps justify it or everyone is ignoring the dangers together? So maybe people aren’t being preachy/holier than thou but by not partaking anymore it’s perceived that way?

Have you changed? Talked about it too much?
I can’t imagine why they would distance for no reason.

im having similar always been very over weight tried very hard lost 3 stone 1 stone to go, all i get is you look ill dont lose any more weight, usually a thin person saying it i think we were ok as the fat friend but they dont like thin person competition.

Real friends are ment to be happy for you.
Make new friends.

I think this is exactly right. I've lost over 90lbs this past year through various dietary changes due to gallstones and some other health issues. I have had comments from various friends and work colleagues telling me they've noticed I've lost weight but can I make sure I don't mention it as it makes them feel bad. I don't mind as such, but equally I haven't brought it up in the first place. It does seem that weight loss brings out the insecurities in people which is a shame. I'm now a size 8/10 after starting as a size 20/22. I've very nearly reached a BMI of 25 for the first time in about 25 years, yet I'm not allowed to mention it in case it makes other people feel bad. It's annoying cos I want to yell it from the rooftops cos I've worked bloody hard at it and without any weight loss jabs.
Not a dig at anyone for using them, do what works for you, but it's also annoying that people around me are presuming that's what I've done too. Well done OP (and everyone else) on your losses!

Yes, I had that one too - "Don't lose any more."

Jealousy is an ugly emotion and can grow into a monster if several feel it. Some of your 'friends' may be building resentment of your 'easy' weight loss between them.
Send generic friendly messages to all of them and give it a bit more time to see which ones keep in contact.