Lost weight, now losing friends!

[Artistbythewater]

I have been over weight for many years. I decided about six months ago I have had enough.

I am now a size 10 and some of my friends have taken it very badly, and it has shocked me. I am now often quizzed, judged and I no longer feel like one of them. My feminist values have been questioned subtly, I am adhering to the patriarchy is the overall impression I am given. I have ‘given in’ or something like that.

I am furious. This is my body. I can be fit and well if I want to be. I spent an entire dinner party listening to friends telling me I should be proud whatever my size at the weekend. All the while looking slightly peeved.

I was pre diabetic with a host of health problems before, which was the main reason behind my decision. I feel fitter, more confident in myself. I can run, feel comfortable in clothes. It’s made such a difference to me personally.

We are not young - menopausal age. I thought I had better friends than this! Has anyone else experienced this?

You're right - it has and I've absolutely been clear why.

People in desperate to lose weight do not need to hear that their marriages will fail. I want my husband to lose weight, it's in his best interest. If a doctor said to him that him losing weight would mean the end of his marriage (his marriage failing)....it would be the kind of thing that would absolutely throw him off. You think he'd choose to lose me, our house, to go through shared custody of our children, or just stay fat? He'd choose to stay morbidly obese. He'd use it to justify his eating behaviours, he'd use it as another reason to not get down and do it.

Ok, put it this way - if a doctor said here's some life saving drugs - but you're going to gain significant amount of weight taking them and that will lead to your marriage failing - you'd surely be saying - a doctor can't say that. They can't know if my spouse will stand by me or not if I gain weight, Surely?

I feel like I'm in an alternate universe right now. I've gotta step away. This is absolutely bonkers.

you guys do you. It's bonkers. It's wrong. It's unethical. It's dangerous. But pile on away - you get on with telling morbidly obese people that their whole life, their relationships andbfamilies will all fail when they lose weight. Cool.

In context, @KM123456 said that her doctor friend said that as the weight changes, the relationship changes and that this could be what is happening with the OP's friends. I agreed with my personal story, it was true for me. I didnt say that it was true for everyone, simply put forward a hypothesis about why this may be for some people.

Why are you so fixated on this?

I am really not being unkind, but it does sound like your are very insecure about this potentially being true. Is your DH thinking about the jabs to lose weight and its worrying you that this may become an issue in your marriage? What are you worried about? Is it that with this information he may realise that he could leave you and move on and you dont want him to know that?

It really is coming out that you are worried, and I am sorry for that. It wasnt my intention to upset anyone by sharing the truth of what happened to me.

My relationship with my dh has drastically improved. That’s my experience so far. It’s changed things for the better.
If a partner is very insecure then maybe it would be more challenging, but I imagine most loving marriages want the best for each other and to live long healthy lives.

Divorce rate in the UK is 42% so there are a lot of marriages on the rocky side as it is. I doubt the weight loss is really what sunk the marriages in the doctor story. They were likely already doomed.

I am 13 stone when I should be 9.5
I used to be size 10 and looking amazing. A friend of mine who is very overweight told me I was too thin when I was 9.5 stone. Every time I try to lose weight she tells me I look amazing at 13 stone and why do I need to lose weight? I look like a pig, I feel unhealthy.
I now realise she is not a very good friend.
Thank you for opening my eyes.

I doubt very much you look like a pig regardless of your size. What does she gain from a bigger you? What are you gaining by listening to her? Rather than doing what you want to do.

I think it’s more the friend wants the poster to be fat like her. So similar I think to your issues with your friends.

I've lost around 3 stone and my very closest friend said "Oh wow, you're a bit too thin now, maybe you need to eat more".

But I know its because she is bigger than she has ever been due to two close in age children and having no time.

I'm 13 st and curvy. I don't look like a pig. I'm 5 ft 8. But if that's how you feel ditch the weight. I need to but am doing it slowly. Ditch the 'friend ' too. Jealous friends aren't real friends.

@LushLemonTart I'm your height and look good at 13 stone too, that poster might be short

@Disturbia81 yes could be? I hate hearing people, women especially, describe themselves like that.

I also lost weight for health reasons. Going from size 20 to 10 in 20 months to 8 stones.
No drugs. Just less carbs and eating 5% or less fat and sugar per 100g. Brown rice, pasta, bread etc. Less carbs. Lots of salad and more veg. I don't drink alcohol anyway.
My friends are fine with it. Some have gone up a couple of sizes recently. Is strange being the skinny one having been overweight all my life since Junior school. Though due to my age has caused more wrinkles. But I feel well and am healthier.

Well done on a great loss.

Curious as to why you needed to state that you didn’t use drugs though?

Snap. That was my first thought as well. It reads like I put the effort in. I’m sure the poster didn’t mean that, and fully understands you need to put the effort in with drugs, but it raised my eyebrow also.

It makes me wonder whether it’ll become the ‘I had an all natural, drug free birth’ of the weight loss world…

That's very strange. If my (overweight) friend lost weight and said they felt much better and more confident because of it, I'd celebrate with them. But I'm an average weight and broadly happy with my body.
You're not responsible for them knowing that they need to lose weight too but not having the will power to do it. Ignore. It will pass.

I get this. I lost 5.5 stones a couple of years ago. It suddenly was a free for all to comment on my body. I hated it.

My body shape is none of your business. I also felt that as they only commented now I'd lost the weight, they must have previously thought things that were unacceptable to say. If that makes sense.

One friend in particular was really horrible and I no longer see her. She acted as if I was now part of her 'slim club' and would now wish to join her in slagging off those that " look like they enjoy a pudding or two"

I've put back about a stone, not deliberately,and actually feel much better as no one is commenting again

Me too, they obviously feel bad about themselves and know how that feels but then make others feel bad too with comments like that.

She acted as if I was now part of her 'slim club' and would now wish to join her in slagging off those that " look like they enjoy a pudding or two”

I’d rather be friends with the people who eat pudding than someone this bitchy.

I am surprised how badly it has affected your friends…but I guess in a way I also get it. I’m not saying it’s right at all, but having spent the last few years trying to get to and maintain a healthy weight, I was for a while susceptible to being upset if someone I knew suddenly got thin by using injections.

It’s sort of like we’re both doing an exam but I’ve studied hard every day while they’ve been out partying, but we get the same grade. There’s no recognition for the hard work and discipline needed for a healthy weight.

However, a) I never voiced these thoughts, b) I realised it was/is important for me personally to get there through getting fitter/stronger/better food habits and c) from the previous point I’ve also realised there are different measures of success other than weight loss, like how far you can run or being able to complete a push up. Weight in itself is just one fraction of the very big picture.

I hope your friends manage to overcome
their insecurities and your relationships recover.

It takes hard work and determination with the jabs. So maybe you’re still in the susceptible bracket. There is no award for doing it what you perceive it to be the hard way,there is no reward. No prize. It isn’t a competition.

I was for a while susceptible to being upset if someone I knew suddenly got thin by using injections.
It’s sort of like we’re both doing an exam but I’ve studied hard every day while they’ve been out partying, but we get the same grade. There’s no recognition for the hard work and discipline needed for a healthy weight.

Trust me, it isn’t sudden and there’s still plenty of hard work. These injections are NOT magic fat blasters that let you eat what you want. They help you stay fuller for longer, with a smaller amount of food, but anyone expecting to be able to eat what they please and still lose weight will be sorely disappointed.

Hi op good on you pity about the friends situation but you know now,
I've been considering them but not sure where to start. Can you lose belly fat from them and how much does it cost if you don't mind sharing please. Thank you.

Fascinating! My husband and I were both slim when we got together, and although I've put in a few stone since having our kids, I still somehow see myself as a 'slim' person (though I'm definitely not!) so I don't feel our power dynamics have shifted. What you are saying makes a lot of sense though - I'd never really thought about it.

Fortunately I have many friends that do not judge nor care about appearances, this situation has offered clarity on who I can trust -
before it really matters. Weight loss to some degree might be trivial, but it offers insight of the characters around me.

Fitness can follow the injections for those so inclined - the increased confidence will mean doing exercise clssses, running, going to the gym etc is more likely not less. If, someone wants to, and they may not. And that’s fine.

*into the characters around me