Lost weight, now losing friends!

[Artistbythewater]

I have been over weight for many years. I decided about six months ago I have had enough.

I am now a size 10 and some of my friends have taken it very badly, and it has shocked me. I am now often quizzed, judged and I no longer feel like one of them. My feminist values have been questioned subtly, I am adhering to the patriarchy is the overall impression I am given. I have ‘given in’ or something like that.

I am furious. This is my body. I can be fit and well if I want to be. I spent an entire dinner party listening to friends telling me I should be proud whatever my size at the weekend. All the while looking slightly peeved.

I was pre diabetic with a host of health problems before, which was the main reason behind my decision. I feel fitter, more confident in myself. I can run, feel comfortable in clothes. It’s made such a difference to me personally.

We are not young - menopausal age. I thought I had better friends than this! Has anyone else experienced this?

That's phenomenal, well done you! Yes you should be able to yell it from the rooftops.

And similar to going out and not drinking alcohol when the group very much are - it makes them feel threatened, as if me not drinking is an implied criticism of them.

@IdaPrentice thank you! 😊💜💜💜

I lost a lot of weight after being diagnosed with diabetes type 2 a couple of years ago. I did this by changing my diet (cut out most sugar and carbs) and I am on metformin which also aids weight loss, I think, but it’s not like a weight loss jab. A good friend of mine recently asked me if I was having weight loss jabs. She said it was “suspicious” that I’d kept the weight off for so long when I struggled to lose weight before. I told her the truth then said, “You’re looking very slim too, but you’ve always been lucky to have a good figure.” She angrily snapped back, “There’s no lucky about it. I’ve worked very hard to be slim.” I reassured her that I believed her and I had just expressed myself badly, but I privately thought her annoyance was quite revealing. She definitely doesn’t like the fact that people are losing weight using these jabs because she doesn’t think they deserve to be slim.

I realised a few years ago after losing 7 stone some people who you regard as good friends define you by your weight. They aren't the people who are openly hostile about it. They seem nice but they really are as bad as those who are outright nasty. Worse actually. Their attitude changes when you lose weight. I started to understand to most of my friends I was just Squillonaire. To some I was fat Squillonaire. Later fat Squillonaire who lost weight. The fat adjective in front of my name made a difference. That is what they thought of me. Don't keep up a 'friensdship' with anyone who cares about your weight. The only time they should is if they are a very close friend and you are so overweight it is affecting your health and they love you and don't want you to have health problems.

People who he have an issue with how much someone else weighs are generally insecure and unpleasant.

It will do you no good to keep being friends with people like that. I speak from bitter experience. Xxx

WOW! 😳

Also it doesn't matter how you lost weight. Jabs, surgery, whatever. It's always a long hard road to get there. Jabs and surgery make people think they can still be superior to you. They don't understand the mental strength it takes even with that bit of help. I did it without surgery or jabs but it wasn't more difficult. People have a very strange mindset about others losing weight. It threatens them in some way

That's horrible. I've heard others say this before. All I can say is they can't be very good friends. Maybe if they're overweight themselves it could be a bitter reminder that they should try and get healthier themselves. If they're slim then I don't know why they wouldn't just be happy for you.
Unless you are boring them with endless diet and weight loss chat?

Most people don't understand that with weight loss jabs that you still need to put in the work to get healthy and maintain weight loss.

This is probably a thread in its own right, but I wish the term “weight loss jabs” hadn’t caught on. It’s made many people incorrectly believe that these are somehow magic fat-blasting injections; that you can still lose the weight without putting in the effort. It’s not like that! Appetite control jabs would be far more accurate a description.

Well, it does seem like you still have got some weight to lose: friends who aren't really friends. Keep those who are happy for you, ditch the rest.

Nothing will open yours eyes more than gaining loads or losing loads of weight

People treat you completely differently

@Artistbythewater genuine question about your experience with weight loss jabs. Do you have to remain on them or can you wean off slowly and still maintain that weight loss?

Also, their response is a reflection of how they see themselves. Maybe they feel that society treats them badly about something they can't change. You actions have made them realise that it is possible and therefore they feel "betrayed". It is sadly nothing about you, or that you can fix. Sorry you had to find out this way.

To answer a few questions. I understand you can be weaned off the jabs, because eventually your body acclimatises to a much smaller amount of food. Or you can take maintenance injections. I’m never going back to what I was. I feel a much more confident, spritely version of myself.

Two of my friends have developed weight related health issues, and are supposed be losing weight but can’t. Apparently they don’t want to take short cuts (ie jabs) I don’t get this aversion to them, they are the only things that have worked for me.

I have always been considered very cuddly and I guess mumsy. I have a profession that people often aspire to, and so being overweight and older may have been seen as leading by example in that sense. That if I can do it anyone can.
So there is blowback.

Obviously I am certainly not an icon (!) like Adele but I think ifs possible to be a much more modest version of that. It comforted people that you can still be big and successful (and loved by a decent man) now I have had the audacity to decide to prioritise good health, longevity and confidence and the reaction was surprising, like I was deserting my role.

i feel like a new woman, and if they decide they can’t live with the new me (the spiky comments have been going on for weeks) then so be it. I’ll spend more time with those that are happy for me. It’s a shame as I liked these people a lot before this happened.

Ususlly the dinner talk is fun and interesting, but all they could talk about this time was weight loss and watched everything I ate which felt like pressure… like school dinner ladies 😂

And yes it’s odd that I now feel very seen, I hadn’t realised being bigger is like putting on a cloak of invisibility.

This is it. They judge you for taking the medication. It's such a weird phenomenon. It's almost like we are morally failing for taking a medication that helps us. Your 'friends' are quite shit really. It's a surprise when you find out things like this.

If you had another issue you might take medication. So why not this? What difference does it make? I suspect they might be the same if I had taken the dieting route, being thinner feels threatening. I hope they adjust in time.

@Artistbythewater It really does say more about them than about you OP. You have revealed all their insecurities about themselves and your weight loss might even be experienced as a dig at them even without comment from you. Look, I could do it, why can't you?
I would try to talk to them as a group and tell them that you chose to do something for your health. That you weren't able to do it without medical help and that you're happy about it but it doesn't reduce who you are as a person to just being slim. That you are happy to answer questions for those interested in doing the same but that you are not judging anyone who choose not to. And that you find all the remarks about what you are eating tedious. They all know you are on appetite suppressant medication so obviously you are less hungry than before. Can we please now move on to talk about more passionate subjects?

They want to put you in your place, and they dare to talk about the patriarchy! 🤣

They're bullying you over your weight. You need to get rid of them.

I have answered questions from them, too many questions and it feit like the Spanish Inquisition in the end! I have not just landed on the moon single handedly but simply lost a bit of weight!
They didnt move on subject wise even when asked, they would switch subjects and then revert back.

I felt they were talking when I used the loo. In fact I know many conversations have happened about this when I have not been there, and it’s quite undermining/unnerving. I could feel them looking at me every time I stood up. Maybe it was curiosity but I felt too visible and judged.

I think it's about them, not you honestly OP. They're talking to the voices in their own heads and to everyone who has ever criticised their bodies, and you're getting the brunt of it. I'm sorry. I imagine they will regret it.

Are you talking about weight loss all the time and critiquing your previous body and saying how much better it is now? Really think if you gave because some people do it without realising.
Because someone responding to that by saying you should be proud at any size isn't unreasonable. Hating ones body no matter the size is harmful.
When you say you feel judged what is actually being said?

Perhaps they loved you for who they thought you were , not actually as you were/ are.

Nothing like a bunch of women talking about their opinions on another woman's body and lifestyle choices to smash the Patriarchy eh!

I am on Ozempic, and I've heard it all from larger friends - ooh you'll get Ozempic face, Ozempic ass, Ozempic fingers... You mean thinner?

To be honest I've just cut people dead...I tell them I take Ozempic on prescription to control my blood sugar, and the hideous side effects it brings. The weigh loss is a side effect of that which will lower the risk overall. Then I change the subject.

I was prediabetic Type 2 which was inevitable after PCOS and gestational diabetes according to my doctor. I've tried other drugs and they don't work. He offered this as a choice, and it does. My blood sugar is the lowest it's been in 20 years. Doctor is very happy. As am I. End of.

OP you write so well about the many layers going on for you following your weight loss. Shocking and disappointing about your friends' reactions. How small minded and awkward. And huge congratulations to you for your incredible attitude and self-confidence. If you have DC I hope you have passed this down to them. My mother (miraculously) did not pass down body-image issues or disordered eating to me despite struggling with both herself. I am learning that I am in the minority. Anyway thank you for sharing.

I too have lost weight and friends who were the same size as me constantly say negative things and ask 'are you happy that size?' Etc. I think it is jealousy...probably they didn't even realise they were jealous until you lost weight and they would like to.
I saw a TV doctor talking about the jabs on GMTV and he said he wished people viewed them as any other form of medication. If they help you become healthy then why demonise them.
I think it is because of the association with rich celebrities using them to ditch 5 lbs rather than people who use it to get healthier.
Congratulations on your weightloss.
Next time you are out with them, if they start talking about your weight again, just ask them to leave the subject as it is boring or ask them outright why they are so fascinated with it.
Last resort...find new friends.

Totally bonkers that they would prefer you to have poor health so you can look a certain way... and they also accuse YOU of being unfeminist. The mind boggles.

They have no idea what feminism means, clearly