Lost weight, now losing friends!

[Artistbythewater]

I have been over weight for many years. I decided about six months ago I have had enough.

I am now a size 10 and some of my friends have taken it very badly, and it has shocked me. I am now often quizzed, judged and I no longer feel like one of them. My feminist values have been questioned subtly, I am adhering to the patriarchy is the overall impression I am given. I have ‘given in’ or something like that.

I am furious. This is my body. I can be fit and well if I want to be. I spent an entire dinner party listening to friends telling me I should be proud whatever my size at the weekend. All the while looking slightly peeved.

I was pre diabetic with a host of health problems before, which was the main reason behind my decision. I feel fitter, more confident in myself. I can run, feel comfortable in clothes. It’s made such a difference to me personally.

We are not young - menopausal age. I thought I had better friends than this! Has anyone else experienced this?

I was going to say this! I spent my 20s and 30s on diets and had a very overweight friend who did nothing about it. I'm now comfortable with my weight and she lost a lot (not even through diet and exercise, through surgery). She is now the weight loss Oracle, talking even about how fat others are. There's no zealot like a convert!

Perhaps they don't agree with the way you are going about it.
Had you all tried dieting together previously? Maybe they think you are cheating. Maybe they don't agree with the injection morally
Why don't you ask them?

Why should she? If that's how they feel then they are idiots. So what if they are morally opposed to the OP taking some medication that benefits her health. Why would anyone dignify such a ridiculous position with a conversation?

I have one friend who lost a lot of weight and just would not stop going on about it. It was brought up at every meal time, in every topic of conversation. Lots of before and after pics on social media, and weekly photos once she’s hit her goal of her in her underwear talking about how much weight she’d lost. I get it, she was proud and she did do an awesome job, but it became her whole personality and also she started coming across as quite judgemental, very much like I can do this so why can’t all of you.

Anyway OP, as long as you’ve haven’t been like that (and it doesn’t sound like you have!) then your friends just sound grumpy and jealous. Well done on your weight loss!

It might be that they have struggled to lose weight naturally (which is difficult and takes effort) and are jealous of the jabs. They may also be concerned about you. I would speak to them - all the best

Wow.
The jealousy is astonishing.
Well done for losing weight!
Find new, slim friends (I'm here).
Joking. Honestly, I would have thought ladies at around this age would know better.
45 and still naive, hey.
Your body, your achievement!
👍

She doesn' need to discuss the ethics of it, just ask them the reason they are being off.
At the moment she doesn't know why they are being off
added
No-one yet knows the long-term effects of it as yet
A nurse died from its side effects recently

Sadly op this is a story as 0ld as time. There has always been some women envious of other women, it’s based in insecurity.

For your friends, their envy and discomfort at their own size, overwhelmed their feelings of friendship to you. And a pack mentality set in.

there will be women reading this now. Who will be envious of you. Who will justify it to themselves in many scornful or faux concern ways, did it the easy way, not feminist, jabs not safe, whatever, rather than admit the pure envy. There are women obsessively haunting the weight loss injection forums, repeatedly posting about their “concerns” on the jabs . Many would love to see these jabs banned, so they don’t need to feel these emotions, see people getting slim. In the main they are like your friends, also over weight, but some slim ones, in there too.

your friends will adjust to your new size and the comments will stop , or they were never your friend. It’s a sad life lesson unfortunately in human behaviour.

But they look at you differently now.
Maybe they’re embarrassed that you’ve improved yourself and left them behind — maybe that’s how they see it.
People have all sorts of insecurities that we know nothing about. And if we did know we’d think they were silly - but they’re real enough to them.
Just like we have insecurities.
It’s sad all the way around and I’m very sorry.
Your friends should be friends no matter what and it hurts your heart when you find out they aren’t.
This complete stranger is really proud of you. You’re healthy and you’re gonna live longer and that’s a very good thing.

There was a thread on here not long ago about someone who was angry at their friend for using the injections. They were angry because they said they had to constantly watch what they ate and say no all the time to maintain a healthy weight and then their friend had basically ate what they wanted for years, took the injections and lost it all. They implied they didn’t deserve the new figure because they hadn’t worked to achieve it.

There were a lot of people agreeing. I’ll see if I can find it.

They are being shitty friends. I hope they get over themselves and this situation settles down.

One of my closest friends was pre diabetic and morbidly obese. She had bariatric surgery, and is now a size ten and looks amazing. None of our group have shamed or criticised her. We might be openly jealous from time to time, complimenting her, and berating ourselves for our lack of willpower. The rest of us are all 14/16 sized.

Sometimes, even if you aren’t preaching, a change like this holds up a mirror to friends and they can feel defensive. When I stopped drinking alcohol I got a similar response that felt almost like rejection.

Congratulations. You say they are generally good people so stick with it and hopefully they will adapt and shut up!

I think it's the same with anything where you've been part of a group of people who've unfortunate for some reason, then when your circumstances change it's like you're leaving them behind. It's not the most attractive human trait but tbh I feel relieved when I see other people acting like that - I've had a couple of periods in my life where things weren't going well and I found it hard to be happy for my friends who were doing better. It was a relief when the roles were reversed to see that they were basically the same. Having said that I think it's one thing to be a bit jealous and avoid someone, it's quite another to be commenting the whole time (or buying bit bits of cake, as a PP mentioned!)

I saw a naturopath when I was in my 20's (a long time ago!). I wanted to lose a bit of weight.

She told me 'when you change, some won't like it. You're upsetting their status quo. They'll try to push you back into the box that makes them feel comfortable & safe, any way they can.'

I didn't experience it with the weight loss as it was only a few kg. But, I've seen & experienced it many times. Especially with jobs, finances etc.

This is very common unfortunately! I’ve recently lost just over three stone with another two to go. One of my friends is obese (medically speaking). No judgement there, I was too and probably still would be if it wasn’t for the gallbladder issues!

Anyway, she became a nightmare for buying me food when I didn’t want it. We’d take the children to softplay and I’d say I didn’t want to get lunch or cake. Then I’d go to the toilet and find she’d ordered me sausage, chips and beans or pieces of cake with ice cream. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and reasoned that it was just that she didn’t want to eat alone. The penny dropped over the stupidest, smallest of things. She yet again ordered me food when I didn’t want it and ordered me a can of full sugar coke. I have never drunk full sugar coke. Not a health reason thing, I just dislike it and it makes me more thirsty. She knew that. I realised then that she wanted to sabotage me and I’ve distanced myself since.

Really close friend of mine became a snarky bitch when I lost weight, little digs dressed up as “just worried about you”
In reality was worried about losing the fat mate she put social media pics up of with. Never regretted letting that one go.

Well done on doing something for yourself and your health, enjoy feeling better! X

Far-fetched

Well then, seems as if you have to cut your losses if you have had it being scrutinized and talked about. They are really rude because when a friend asks you to please change the subject you respect her wishes. No matter what it's about. They clearly lack manners and do not respect your boundaries. I would withdraw from them or you will find yourself constantly justifying your weight loss and it will eventually make you regret it. Keep the supportive friends who have proven themselves to be real friends.

I have known this to happen to some people when they go a bit too born again and talk continuously about eating healthy/being slim after years of over eating.

I have experienced what the OP is experiencing, the comments such as you’re getting too thin (I was size 12 and am very short) or people offering me cake all the time.

In my experience it takes people seeing you three times at your new weight to get used to the new you and then the comments become way less. They have to give you a new ranking in the weight ranking, oh Sockss is an average weight now and not the biggest in the group.

Which is fair enough, and supports my previous post; some think they are the lazy way to lose weight, but most importantly, the LT effects are unknown and people are dying after using them
So maybe ask your friends why they are treating you differently. Either they are disappointed in yourxapproach, they maybe thought you were not a 'jab' dieter, or maybe they are concerned. Or maybe both

Who needs enemies when you have friends like these.

I’ve realised as I’ve lost weight and moved closer to a healthy bmi that my weight loss is more about being healthy than about being slim. When I was bigger I didn’t properly consider the impact that it was having on my health, the only thing I cared about was looking slim. Now that I have that, my driving force for staying slim is to be as healthy as possible. I was pre-diabetic, liver not happy, cholesterol not good, and those are just the ones I know about. I don’t tell anyone I’m on the jabs because I know they would react like your friends have. Weird jealously, envy, resentment, because I’m taking medication that has helped me to no longer have the above health problems? And how is it anyone’s business to quiz other people on what medications they’re taking?

Ask them. No one on here actually knows what is going on with your friends, it’s just guess work.

It's a thing. Having a fat friend makes them feel good about themselves.
The hysterical rush to judge people losing weightloss jabs, dressed up as faux concern is the same thing.

Edit, can’t tell if you’re talking about you or the op. As you mix.

But they didn't love you when you were bigger, did they?

Love doesn't change because size changes

So......you've discovered that they felt good and safe around you because you , being large, empowered them in being large

But love? No. Not in my book

Now you aren't large, their axis has been tipped up and they don't feel good and safe around you any more

And in not feeling good and safe about themselves, any more , they take it out on the person who has, in their kinds, messed up their feelings

Frankly, if I were you, I'd dump the lot of them. Horrible people.

I think the responses would have been completely different if you had mentioned weight loss jabs in the original post.

Basically your friends are feeling that you've cheated your way to your current weight.

Rightly or wrong i imagine (and I don't give two hoots either way) this is the reason for their reaction