Did I completely F up with the guy I’m seeing?

[RealAquaCat]

Hi!
So I’ve been chatting to a guy for a few weeks and we’ve had two great dates. At the weekend completely out of the blue while he was out with friends he sent me a message saying ‘all the best’, which was strange and I replied saying ‘all the best to you too’, I then received a video message of him and his friends saying ‘all the best’ 🤔 I took this to mean that this was an immature way of saying he didn’t want to see me again? (this man is 32 years of age btw…)
i’d had a few drinks, and I ended up messaging him saying along the lines of ‘if you don’t want to speak to me anymore then you could just say that, this is the most childish and pathetic thing I’ve ever witnessed’. The next day he messaged me saying ‘wait what? When I say all the best I don’t mean it like that, I’m sorry if that’s how it came across’. We’ve exchanged a couple of messages since, although the conversation between us has pretty much died a death.

My question is, would you have taken his messages the same way I did or AIBU? I do regret sending the message and wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for the wine, I’m so gutted about this as he seemed great and I loved getting to know him 🙄

I would also have thought he didn’t want to see me again and was getting his friends to tell me on a video message. Just send him one more message saying “sorry we got our wires crossed, happy to leave it behind and grab another drink?” Then if he doesn’t reply, you know!

Totally agree with all of this - I would have thought it was a colloquial version of being told to essentially sod off. Particularly if you don’t know his mates. I think there is some male bravado at play here. I don’t think you were in the wrong.

I wouldnt have known what it meant unless it was Christmas or my birthday. So I'd have just replied saying what do you mean? Yeah sounds like it's fucked.

He doesn’t sound as if he can communicate very well with you. What a strange thing to do!

I agree...he sounds like a bit of a dope.
But...if you like him, forget about it, and maybe in future ignore his garbled texts when he is out with his mates.

I think he and his friends were being a bit weird in a drunken way. I wouldn’t have taken it the way you did but might have felt a bit prickly about it like they were taking the piss somehow with some in-joke that they’re then involving you in (although also you could take it as a sign he’s thinking and talking about you to his friends while out). But would probably have shrugged it off and seen how things went. I’d meet up again rather than try and restore things by texts, forget about the misunderstanding or weirdness, and read the real life vibes.

Let him put this right. You didn't do anything wrong, this is his fuck up. He needs to own it and apologise and reassure you. Not the other way round.

I feel sorry for the poor fella, he was having a few beers with his friends and just sent you a fun message but you acted really strange and freaked out on the poor guy. I don’t blame him for not wanting to text you again, I would be scared too.

Very weird. I’d have taken it the same way as you. I think the poster who suggests asking him out for a drink has the right idea.

It does seem an odd thing for him to do. Is it some sort of social media trend or reference from a TV show or something? In your shoes I wouldn't have known how to take it either to be honest. Could you maybe message and say that you feel like things have been a bit weird between you since that night but you'd like to get a drink and see if you can put it behind you? It's hard to clear up misunderstandings via message but might be easier in person?

All the best

is a classic permanent sign off and I would have assumed the same too. The last time I ended a friendship, that’s how I ended it because I wanted to make myself clear. So his fuck up.

This.
All the best is good luck/good bye.

You were not wrong.

I mean, I understand how you felt like you did, but I suspect him and his mates were just pissed and acting like tits. Not ideal, but there we go. I’d agree with messaging along the lines of ‘It was all a bit weird with that message. Do you want to forget it and just go for a drink and catch up?’

(It is used as a sign off, but also said in other contexts imo - all the best to a happy couple getting married for example)

All the best is a classic break up slogan.

Sounds like he was pissed and showing off with his mates and trying to wind you up.

Immature.

All the best to me is a bit like a thumbs up emoji... a passive aggressive 'fuck off' so I would have interpreted it the same way as you.

I think he sounds quite immature to be honest so I'd perhaps let the conversation die out

I have this on my wall in my home office along with a few others... all the best belongs with them as far as I'm concerned!

Double standards, so it’s ok if you sent him an “all the best” message but when him and his friends do it then it’s “bad”? Mind boggles.

If someone sent me a video, with him and his mates saying all the best, I'd think I was spectacularly bring dumped and he was a prick for doing it like that. It's the only way to take it

As pp's have said, maybe invite him out for a drink to discuss it

For me, I'd start to lose respect for him - theres no way his mates didnt know how it would come across, even if he didn't.

It makes me think he's not the leader of his friend group, and that they were messing with him

Dear @RealAquaCat,

I would have interpreted as a crass goodbye, too. What was in the clip?

Yours faithfully,

Amoreoamicizia

That is the shittest drunk text I have ever seen lol.

All the best!

I am not sure anyone has ever JUST sent that in a text message and if they have they were defo saying take care, good luck, see ya.

This is his fault.

Eh? Unless I've missed something, where did OP say she messaged him wishing him all the best?

Good example of why no one should ever answer messages after having a drink. In London in my working class upbringing, all the best was a welcoming phrase, didn’t necessarily mean goodbye, but could be used that way, it was just a nice thing to say for many occasions, including when you cheers while having drinks. He could have been saying how much he liked you and he and his mates wanted to give you a nice greeting. Then you did your nut, so I kind of see why he would be a bit miffed, maybe he will look past it, but you are the one who flew off the handle here.

Can you explain the fun part of the message?

I think the ship has sailed now.

He sounds very immature.

I wouldn't have responded in the moment but I get why you did. I don't think you were wrong. It's just always worth taking your time when you're not sure.

Having said that, I think you're well shot of this one. I'd be tempted to send a message saying "all the best" to him.