Did I completely F up with the guy I’m seeing?

[RealAquaCat]

Hi!
So I’ve been chatting to a guy for a few weeks and we’ve had two great dates. At the weekend completely out of the blue while he was out with friends he sent me a message saying ‘all the best’, which was strange and I replied saying ‘all the best to you too’, I then received a video message of him and his friends saying ‘all the best’ 🤔 I took this to mean that this was an immature way of saying he didn’t want to see me again? (this man is 32 years of age btw…)
i’d had a few drinks, and I ended up messaging him saying along the lines of ‘if you don’t want to speak to me anymore then you could just say that, this is the most childish and pathetic thing I’ve ever witnessed’. The next day he messaged me saying ‘wait what? When I say all the best I don’t mean it like that, I’m sorry if that’s how it came across’. We’ve exchanged a couple of messages since, although the conversation between us has pretty much died a death.

My question is, would you have taken his messages the same way I did or AIBU? I do regret sending the message and wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for the wine, I’m so gutted about this as he seemed great and I loved getting to know him 🙄

It wasn’t a fun message it was a stupid message though if they were drunk I suppose that would explain it.

If he didn’t like her response maybe he’ll think twice about texting people nonsense next time.

Oh dear. I often respond to messages on Vinted with a thumbs up emoji. Are you telling me I’ve actually been telling them all to fuck off 🙈

You have to be quite passive aggressive to interpret a “thumbs up” as passive aggressive.

I agree, it wasnt "fun". "Fun" would be sending a message saying have a wonderful night or thinking of you or here's to a great night etc

"all the best" is confusing and weird and has zero context to it, it comes across as taking the piss with his mates all shouting it.

I don't think it's a fun message either. he was a fool for getting his mates to record a drunken message that could so easily sound jeering even if it was making a joke of an unintendedly awkward turn of phrase

It depends on your generation

Being the parent of teens and witness to the weird little phrases they pick up and start saying randomly I would have thought he's just being daft. I don't think my first thought would be that he was finishing with you. It seems a shame to throw away a budding relationship over something so silly. Try to arrange a catchup with him to discuss it and see what his body language is telling you. Hopefully it's just a misunderstanding.

Being the parent of teens and witness to the weird little phrases they pick up and start saying randomly I would have thought he's just being daft

He's not a teenager though- he's 32. I would have thought by your 30s you'd have outgrown sending women you barely know drunken messages from your mates. What an utter turn off he's so immature.

He made a silly decision ( when drunk ? ) and l would totally have taken it the way you did. But we are all capable of messing up and if you think the relationship is worth salvaging then maybe give it a bit longer . You’ll soon know for sure if it’s right or wrong .

Only read first 2 pages but OP please don’t let anyone on here gaslight you and don’t gaslight yourself. You took one obvious meaning from a weird message and said ‘if that’s what you mean, just say it’. You didn’t go apeshit as a pp called it.

If you and he are meant for each other, this is the time it will become clear. It looks like it’s going in the other direction, but that’s fine, you’ve found out nice and early. You haven’t done anything wrong.

Will you please not use 'gaslighting' as a slap that you think you're doling out to other posters? It's a specific and overused colloquialism for manipulation. Nobody here is doing that, they're merely giving their opinions and OP is free to take the advice or not, as she sees fit.

Using that term in the scatter-gun manner it's so often used is undermining the seriousness of it and that can only be bad for women.

Generation X’er here. People around me don’t use a thumbs up as a “f-ck you”, I tend to be picky with people I choose to sorround myself.

I haven’t used it in a scattergun manner. I don’t often use it, and do so when appropriate, as I believe it is here.

Ha I remember this! We thought 'local shop' was hilarious at one bit

He's not a teenager though and sending a signoff as a joke to a very new date was a risky move if that's what it was especially getting friends to repeat it. It's not really funny in itself

@Waterboatlass hes not a teenager though and sending a signoff as a joke to a very new date was a risky move if that's what it was especially getting friends to repeat it. It's not really funny in itself.

Personally I find it funny. If a guy I’ve just met sent me that message I would just laugh and text him back: “cheers!”. It would have probably crossed my mind “strange message I wonder what exactly he meant by that?” Then I would have continued doing what I’m doing and made a mental note to myself to ask him next time I see him what did he meant exactly. What I would never do is assume the guy just dumped me by text and send him some angry messages, that’s the definition of “jumping to conclusions”.

OP did that though (responded in kind whilst thinking 'whats that about?'), he then sent a video of his pals all shouting it in unison. As I say, she's overreacted and I don't think will pull it back from calling a new date pathetic but I can see how it came across, there wasn't a clear joke

Well it wasn't, eastegg and if you knew anything about it you wouldn't be accusing posters here of it.

We all have different views, that's normal, no need to dismiss what other people say just because you don't agree. I don't agree with your views on this either. OP will do whatever she thinks best.

All the best doesn't mean goodbye. It means best wishes, which you might sign off a card or a message with, but by itself isn't a goodbye.

It would very much depend on the video, if it looked good natured then I'd assume it was quite sweet way of introducing his friends to you. If it looked like a piss take then you did the right thing.

I suppose 'all the best'' means different things to different people? If it weren't perceived as odd, just as a positive comment, OP would likely not have posted as there wouldn't have been any query.

I've learned from this thread that 'kind regards' means 'fuck off'. I've been using that as my e-mail salutation at work since forever with no upset feelings from anyone (as far as I know).

I think sometimes words are overrated. Phrases can be positive or negative even if they're broadly saying the same thing. I'm a big believer in gut instinct. Mine was that this man is very hard work but OP may well think that he's worth a bit of effort.

You never can tell.

It was clear that he was just joking around, and then you reacted with an outburst. If you're interested in resolving this, you could suggest a meeting and explain your perspective in order to salvage the situation. However, if you’re not concerned about it, you can stand your ground, take a page from the Mumsnet approach, and chalk it up to experience.

I agree with you.

Personally I wouldn’t have gone off but would have waited and had a sober (for both of us) conversation with him about how his night out was

Just based on logic, how can it be "clear" if dozens of people on this thread were either confused by what he said or also thought he was spectacularly dumping her?

Sod his denial. He meant it as you thought and now he’s gaslighting you, not good for a man you have only just started seeing, bad bad sign. He wants to play with you and manipulate you already, it’s great news because usually they wait a good while.

His explanation doesn’t hold up and it sounds like his friends are as nasty as he is. Drop him like a lead balloon.

Don’t let people convince you otherwise. All the best was to humiliate you and impress his friends. What a nasty 💩

Trust your gut

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