Did I completely F up with the guy I’m seeing?

[RealAquaCat]

Hi!
So I’ve been chatting to a guy for a few weeks and we’ve had two great dates. At the weekend completely out of the blue while he was out with friends he sent me a message saying ‘all the best’, which was strange and I replied saying ‘all the best to you too’, I then received a video message of him and his friends saying ‘all the best’ 🤔 I took this to mean that this was an immature way of saying he didn’t want to see me again? (this man is 32 years of age btw…)
i’d had a few drinks, and I ended up messaging him saying along the lines of ‘if you don’t want to speak to me anymore then you could just say that, this is the most childish and pathetic thing I’ve ever witnessed’. The next day he messaged me saying ‘wait what? When I say all the best I don’t mean it like that, I’m sorry if that’s how it came across’. We’ve exchanged a couple of messages since, although the conversation between us has pretty much died a death.

My question is, would you have taken his messages the same way I did or AIBU? I do regret sending the message and wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for the wine, I’m so gutted about this as he seemed great and I loved getting to know him 🙄

You were extremely hasty on throwing your toys out of the pram. You could have just asked for clarification. Classic example of the dangers of digital communication. In your shoes, I’d apologise and suggest meeting up.

Yes, that thought would have crossed my mind but I'd have handled it differently x

I think your instincts are right, OP. He meant to end it and behaved like an absolute tit in front of his mates. His 'wait, what?' is just meaningless posturing because if he really had intended differently he would have taken his phone away from his friends and called you. Like a grown up. He would have apologised and explained. He didn't.

I would block him so that he can't mess you around any further.

All the best is Code for: don't let the door hit you in the arse on your way out.

Lucky escape OP he's a 🔔 🔚

I wouldn't have interpreted as you did but I would have found it strange. This is on him IMO - move on and find someone less immature.

This is very weird. He and his friends sound terribly immature. I’m a believer in how you set the tone in the early days sets the tone for the rest of the relationship- if you are confused already then it’s not a good sign. I’d be inclined to throw this one back.

All the best can be interpreted positively - but you don't just sent it randomly in a text. You might say all the best for an exam - or sign off - all the best but why would you send it to someone with no context?

My thought was he was sending it to someone else and sent it in error - you replied and then him and his mates piped up. Maybe everyone is more cynical these days.

When he did his didn't mean it like that - how did he mean it? He just thought to text you whilst on a night out - and all the best was his go to?

I would hope he gets back in touch just so I could say no problem - kind regards.

I would have taken it the same way as you and I certainly wouldn’t be chasing him. If he didn’t mean it that way then he should be getting in touch with you not the other way around!

Whatever it means it was a daft text. Let him go and f up somebody else's head.

How bizarre! Is English his first language?

Awful advice.

All the best.

I wouldn't bother with him again. That was a weird thing to do, and I would have taken "all the best" as a goodbye too. You don't want someone who plays these games. And for him to play innocent the next morning too...grrr.

Everyone should be educated about avoidant-attachment style. Could save a lot of people a lot of heartache.

www.verywellmind.com/what-is-avoidant-attachment-in-relationships-8600201

I say kind regards all the time and don't mean that.lol

Me neither; my e-mail salutation is 'kind regards'. Perhaps I should change it to 'now off you pop' or something like that?

If I was OP, I would have assumed it was him ending thing in an unpleasant way and the drunken friends like some kind of Greek chorus just added to the unpleasantness. I might be a bit old fashioned but I think if a man is serious about a relationship, he doesn't join in with his drunk mates in sending you that sort of message. A man who is keen does not want to muck it up.

I wonder if you were the intended recipient of the messages too. I mean at this stage, fair enough if he was chatting to somebody else. But if he was, it wasn't a very nice thing to do to her either.

I know it is disappointing if you thought you'd met somebody nice. I think though he's shown his true colours and those of his friends. I wouldn't ask him for a drink. The least he could do is apologize profusely. Maybe another old fashioned thing would be for the grovelling apology to be attached to an expensive bunch of flowers.

What part of the world is this?

Hmmm. If the video just included him and a friend saying "all the best" I would definitely have taken it as a pretty public dumping. If however, the video was of him and a friend in a pub raising a glass and saying it in a jovial manner, I would take it more of a "cheers".
I mean, it depends where you are from in the UK, as "all the best" where I'm from isn't automatically a term of terminating a relationship...it can be taken as good wishes - especially if a raised glass is involved.
I think that I would have just asked what was meant rather than sending "all the best to you too" back without that knowledge? 🌷

I'm the same, would assume he was being genuine but then piss-taking that it was a weird message, or being funny around a mistaken message meant for someone else. The mates were joking about it being a funny phrase, I would only interpret their involvement as him talking about the messages and them being drunk. Flying off the handle closed the door. Either way, if he wanted to be with you then he would contact you to sort it out, he hasn't so that's it over.

I'd have questioned it at the time. It's not a particularly nice sentiment and yes can imply an ending.

At best he's a bit quirky at worst he's messing with your head. I'd probably just walk away at this point

I think he and the mates said “all the best” meaning “:cheers!” like a drinking toast that’s how I would have taken it especially if the tone was jolly and they were holding drinks but I can understand it would be odd to get that message especially after two dates. I would think he had told his friends about you and they said lets say hello to her or something like that, it does seem a bit immature and maybe his judgement after a couple of beers isn’t great and like another poster said he’s a bit of a pushover with his mates but if you really liked him up until now I do think it would be worth trying to make light of it and telling him what you told MN that you thought he was great but misinterpreted his message as being dumped by him and his friends and felt really embarrassed. You haven’t got much to lose as if you don’t say that he will think you think he’s a prat and don’t want to see him. I don’t think your message was too harsh it was just a misunderstanding and he might be a really sweet guy...

He sounds really weird so I'd just leave it

ps. my Scots family would do toasts like “All the best!” or “Good health!” when having a drink so it sounds far more like a toast than a dumping to me, cultural differences? What a shame this went pearshaped. Still salvageable I think if you let him know that you haven’t written him off. When immature people dump these days I would expect them to ghost rather than send video messages with their friends? That seems like a stretch.