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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am i the one who should appologise .....

237 replies

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:17

Warning this is really long ....

I haven't spoken to the my mum in over a week and its becoming apparent that neither of us are backing down and i just want to know if im in the wrong

Its a facebook related one , i know it sounds petty but it is just indicative of her behaviour in general.
i am pregnant and announced it on facebook - everyone in my whole family and friends etc commented lovely messages and she point blank ignored it

When questioned by my sister she told my sister she hadnt seen it - however she dosnt get off facebook and a large number of our mutual friends had commented so it wouldve popped up a lot i would imagine and most daming of all both my husband and i had shared the post to our story too - she had viewed both stories .
I gave her 24 hours to acknowledge it and it really upset me that my friend i havent seen in ten years can write something nice and my own mum cant so i rang her and asked her and she told me i didnt even tag her in it or tell her i was going post it thats why.
i didnt even tell my husband i was going to post it that day i just did it as we had the photo prepared already and i dont understand why i would need to tag her in my pregnancy announcement , ive never seen anyone tag the nan before ?

its annoyed me even more thats shes lying to try and make herself look in the right as she opnely told me why shed ignored it but to everyone shes pretending shes the victim and ive had a go at her and it was just a mistake when it clearly isnt.

Just a bit of context
My mother is just generally a really petty person and will get annoyed over the smallest thing and will be funny with you for a while then sort of comes round unless youve really wound her up and she will happily never speak to you again which she has done to several family and friends over the years

Most recently she was funny with me for over a week because i didn't send her an invitation to her grandsons party. I told her the date and time and just assumed she would be there just like she has been for every other party etc - i wasn't aware I had to send a 60 year old woman a paper football invitation ??

She got funny with me because i had my husbands nan and grampy over our house for tea one night and didnt invite her - my husband invited them over to get out their house for an hour as theyd had a hard time recently , it wasnt a slight at her but thats how she takes everything

And because my brother told her he didn't think she needed to move out of her perfectly lovely house just because people park outside her house - its a public street and she doesn't have a driveway so no real reason to stop people parking there she just doesnt like people to park there . But because she didnt like my brother telling her he wouldn't give her money to move as he didnt think she needed to she got annoyed at all us siblings and refused to read my sons school report that i had sent her that morning.

These are all things that have happened in the last few months to name a few
and i usually just let it go and just put up with it but honestly ive put up with these little things my whole life and i dont want to anymore

I dont understand why because shes my mother she feels she doesnt have to apologise for anything ever and its left to me to make 'amends'
i keep getting told but shes your mum - i just dont see why that means i have to let her upset me and i just have to let it go . I feel like i walk on eggshells constantly...

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 11/11/2024 16:19

Did you tell her in person first?

TH1NG1E · 11/11/2024 16:20

Did you tell her first, or did she find out on Facebook?

Conkerqueen · 11/11/2024 16:20

If you didn’t tell her first in person YABU! If you did tell her in person and you’re annoyed she didn’t acknowledge the post, you’re still BU

Gogogo12345 · 11/11/2024 16:21

Did she not know that you were pregnant before you posted it on Facebook? I didn't bother congratulating my DD on her pregnancy post. She was 20 weeks by then and id known ages . In fact if have probably been a bit pissed off it she hadn't told me before post in ng to all and sundry

GrumpyCactus · 11/11/2024 16:21

So you didn't tell her in person before announcing it on FB??

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:22

Sorry should have made it clear - shes known since the minute ive known at about 2 weeks she was the first to find out after my husband....

OP posts:
TH1NG1E · 11/11/2024 16:22

Shes being pathetic then.

Pottedpalm · 11/11/2024 16:22

Then why would she need to comment?

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 11/11/2024 16:23

Did you tell her in person?

Either way, on this one, YABU, you either expected her to be happy finding out through FB, or you told her irl, and are pissed off because she didn't also post online about it.

AffIt · 11/11/2024 16:23

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:22

Sorry should have made it clear - shes known since the minute ive known at about 2 weeks she was the first to find out after my husband....

Then why on earth would she comment on a Facebook post?

For supposed adults, you both sound utterly exhausting, tbh.

DollopOfFun · 11/11/2024 16:23

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:22

Sorry should have made it clear - shes known since the minute ive known at about 2 weeks she was the first to find out after my husband....

Then why would you expect her to comment... she already knew?!

GrumpyCactus · 11/11/2024 16:23

Ok then ignore her melodramatic nonsense and leave her to stew over it. She knew you were pregnant so why would she need notifying that you were going to announce it online. You can't reason with people who act like this so sometimes it's best to not even try.

TH1NG1E · 11/11/2024 16:24

TH1NG1E · 11/11/2024 16:22

Shes being pathetic then.

Actually, you are being pathetic too. Why does she need to comment on your post?

Pottedpalm · 11/11/2024 16:24

Grow up and get off Facebook.

Conkerqueen · 11/11/2024 16:24

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:22

Sorry should have made it clear - shes known since the minute ive known at about 2 weeks she was the first to find out after my husband....

why do you care that she hasn’t acknowledged the post?

Littleannoyingperson · 11/11/2024 16:25

Honestly op I think you’re being as petty as her, why does she need to comment on Facebook if you’ve had a convo in person

ypur other examples are better but in this you’re as bad as each other,

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:26

So shes not expected to comment on the post that i was expected by her to tag her in ?
A week before i announced my pregnancy my sister graduated and she posted 32 photos of it and how proud she was and she loved her but nothing for her new grandchild .

If i failed to write happy birthday on my mothers facebook despite telling her to her face and texting her - she would be absolutely livid.

OP posts:
saraclara · 11/11/2024 16:27

If my DD posts things on Facebook that I already know about, I don't comment or 'like' them. Why would I? I've already chatted with her about them/sent my congratulations/said "aw"/admired a photo in actual real life!

I can't believe that you've not spoken to her for a week because she didn't comment! You sound as bad as each other, frankly.

DollopOfFun · 11/11/2024 16:27

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:26

So shes not expected to comment on the post that i was expected by her to tag her in ?
A week before i announced my pregnancy my sister graduated and she posted 32 photos of it and how proud she was and she loved her but nothing for her new grandchild .

If i failed to write happy birthday on my mothers facebook despite telling her to her face and texting her - she would be absolutely livid.

Life is too short for tiresome bollocks like this. You both need to grow up a bit, sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

CustardCreams2 · 11/11/2024 16:28

Is she jealous of you?

SherbetSweeties · 11/11/2024 16:29

Honestly the pair of you need to grow up. It's only Facebook irs not important. Don't fall out, with your mother of a FB post

skippy67 · 11/11/2024 16:29

I don't think either of you should apologise, because neither of you would mean it. Just roll this latest spat over to the next one, and the one after that and so on...

Crankyaboutfood · 11/11/2024 16:29

i get why you are upset in general, but my mother never commented on my facebook even though she saw everything. her point was “i am your mother” and it’s weird and performative to say the obvious. i would let this go.

TH1NG1E · 11/11/2024 16:29

No she's not expected to comment. And no you're not expected to type happy birthday when, you know, you've wished her it in real life! Jeez.

SometimesCalmPerson · 11/11/2024 16:29

Why do you need your mum to comment on a post telling her about something she presumably already knew? Honestly that just sounds needy and pathetic, like you’re most excited about your pregnancy because of the Facebook attention you’ll get.