Am i the one who should appologise .....

[Atticus334]

Warning this is really long ....

I haven't spoken to the my mum in over a week and its becoming apparent that neither of us are backing down and i just want to know if im in the wrong

Its a facebook related one , i know it sounds petty but it is just indicative of her behaviour in general.
i am pregnant and announced it on facebook - everyone in my whole family and friends etc commented lovely messages and she point blank ignored it

When questioned by my sister she told my sister she hadnt seen it - however she dosnt get off facebook and a large number of our mutual friends had commented so it wouldve popped up a lot i would imagine and most daming of all both my husband and i had shared the post to our story too - she had viewed both stories .
I gave her 24 hours to acknowledge it and it really upset me that my friend i havent seen in ten years can write something nice and my own mum cant so i rang her and asked her and she told me i didnt even tag her in it or tell her i was going post it thats why.
i didnt even tell my husband i was going to post it that day i just did it as we had the photo prepared already and i dont understand why i would need to tag her in my pregnancy announcement , ive never seen anyone tag the nan before ?

its annoyed me even more thats shes lying to try and make herself look in the right as she opnely told me why shed ignored it but to everyone shes pretending shes the victim and ive had a go at her and it was just a mistake when it clearly isnt.

Just a bit of context
My mother is just generally a really petty person and will get annoyed over the smallest thing and will be funny with you for a while then sort of comes round unless youve really wound her up and she will happily never speak to you again which she has done to several family and friends over the years

Most recently she was funny with me for over a week because i didn't send her an invitation to her grandsons party. I told her the date and time and just assumed she would be there just like she has been for every other party etc - i wasn't aware I had to send a 60 year old woman a paper football invitation ??

She got funny with me because i had my husbands nan and grampy over our house for tea one night and didnt invite her - my husband invited them over to get out their house for an hour as theyd had a hard time recently , it wasnt a slight at her but thats how she takes everything

And because my brother told her he didn't think she needed to move out of her perfectly lovely house just because people park outside her house - its a public street and she doesn't have a driveway so no real reason to stop people parking there she just doesnt like people to park there . But because she didnt like my brother telling her he wouldn't give her money to move as he didnt think she needed to she got annoyed at all us siblings and refused to read my sons school report that i had sent her that morning.

These are all things that have happened in the last few months to name a few
and i usually just let it go and just put up with it but honestly ive put up with these little things my whole life and i dont want to anymore

I dont understand why because shes my mother she feels she doesnt have to apologise for anything ever and its left to me to make 'amends'
i keep getting told but shes your mum - i just dont see why that means i have to let her upset me and i just have to let it go . I feel like i walk on eggshells constantly...

with all the other crap she pulls the one that bothers you most is she didn't like your facebook post. Alrighty.....

How was your Mums reaction when you told her in person you were pregnant? Was she happy & excited for you & showed it? If so does it really mater if she didn't comment on your FB post? Try not to let her get to you at such an exciting time. You've let things go in the past, try & let this go too as she'll not change & if you want her in your life you'll have to accept that's how she is & it's not going away. Make sure you tag her in the post once baby arrives & you introduce them to your FB friends. Give her nothing to come at you for but make sure she knows you're only doing it to please her so it's ammo for you in future if she says you don't include her in anything.

I must be a really horrible mother then because I don't comment on my kids stuff when they've told me in person - it seems weird. But I do post happy birthday on their wall even though I do it in person and with an actual card.
So what if she posted photos of your sister's graduation - what did you want her to do post your scan photos?
And yes if you want someone to come to your son's party you send them an invite - it's common courtesy!

YABU. Why would she need to comment on Facebook when she’s already commented in person, in real life where it actually matters

She does however sound an absolute nightmare in general, my own mum is the exact same and it’s draining but for this particular scenario, you’re being petty

Hi, just so you’re not thinking you’re bonkers for being upset over this. People here clearly have good boundaries with Facebook, but my mum’s the same. If I don’t like something she posts it makes her paranoid and she will ask me about it later. My mum, bless her, has made up her own Facebook etiquette and will delete something if it’s not had enough likes. As your mum sounds similar over fb then she’s clearly making a point and being petty. Try to rise above it and ultimately you’ve got to decide if putting up with the constant eggshells and pettiness is worth it so that you can have a relationship with her. My MIL can be like this, but more Machiavellian and my wife has tried NC but in the end she’s decided she’d rather put up with her mum’s nastiness at times to so she can have some kind of a relationship over having none at all

Sorry, what? I think she is saying that you should have tagged her if she was expected to comment. How else how would she know she’d not done what you wanted? She posted photos of the graduation because there were photos to post! Did she post photos the day you sister found out she was going to uni? And even if she did, is she not allowed to have an off day where she doesn’t manage to keep up with all of these acknowledgments?

If she would want you to write HB on her wall then that’s her problem and I would politely rise above it.

As others have said, your mum is being manipulative and attention seeking. Ignore it. If she wants to be all funny, let her, she will be the one missing out due to lack of contact. If you submit and apologise to her for this ridiculous and incorrect perceived slight you will be enabling her to do this everytime she wants to manipulate you in the future.

This ^^

Since this is obviously a theme for her with not just you but everyone, I'd back off and just stop including her or making any effort. Leave her to stew and focus on having a happy little family of your own.

I think your mum is being a little petty but if she was thrilled for you when you told her then I’d let it go. My DP was huffy when I didn’t wish him a happy birthday on Facebook when I had done it in person that morning. It’s all a bit pathetic to be honest

So I’m going to go out on a whim here and say that this is much bigger than just this incident.
I think you are feeling upset with her because of a few small incidents and things have piled up for you and now this incident is sending you over the edge.
I think the incident itself is “pathetic” and meaningless. She already knew. What’s the point of her liking it? Commenting? For other people to see that she did? Social media expectations can ruin relationship and mean nothing at all. What matters is your relationship in real life.

I am a strong believer that ego has no place in relationships that matter, so if I were you I’d pick up the phone or go see her and tell her why you are really upset and I doubt this post is the reason.

do you feel like she loves your siblings more? Do you need more attention? What is it that you want/ need for you to feel secure in your relationship with her? Voice it.

I understand why her behaviour can be upsetting to you. It appears she easily finds faults and get angry for the slightest reasons but in this pregnancy announcement/Facebook instance, YABU i am afraid.