Am i the one who should appologise .....

[Atticus334]

Warning this is really long ....

I haven't spoken to the my mum in over a week and its becoming apparent that neither of us are backing down and i just want to know if im in the wrong

Its a facebook related one , i know it sounds petty but it is just indicative of her behaviour in general.
i am pregnant and announced it on facebook - everyone in my whole family and friends etc commented lovely messages and she point blank ignored it

When questioned by my sister she told my sister she hadnt seen it - however she dosnt get off facebook and a large number of our mutual friends had commented so it wouldve popped up a lot i would imagine and most daming of all both my husband and i had shared the post to our story too - she had viewed both stories .
I gave her 24 hours to acknowledge it and it really upset me that my friend i havent seen in ten years can write something nice and my own mum cant so i rang her and asked her and she told me i didnt even tag her in it or tell her i was going post it thats why.
i didnt even tell my husband i was going to post it that day i just did it as we had the photo prepared already and i dont understand why i would need to tag her in my pregnancy announcement , ive never seen anyone tag the nan before ?

its annoyed me even more thats shes lying to try and make herself look in the right as she opnely told me why shed ignored it but to everyone shes pretending shes the victim and ive had a go at her and it was just a mistake when it clearly isnt.

Just a bit of context
My mother is just generally a really petty person and will get annoyed over the smallest thing and will be funny with you for a while then sort of comes round unless youve really wound her up and she will happily never speak to you again which she has done to several family and friends over the years

Most recently she was funny with me for over a week because i didn't send her an invitation to her grandsons party. I told her the date and time and just assumed she would be there just like she has been for every other party etc - i wasn't aware I had to send a 60 year old woman a paper football invitation ??

She got funny with me because i had my husbands nan and grampy over our house for tea one night and didnt invite her - my husband invited them over to get out their house for an hour as theyd had a hard time recently , it wasnt a slight at her but thats how she takes everything

And because my brother told her he didn't think she needed to move out of her perfectly lovely house just because people park outside her house - its a public street and she doesn't have a driveway so no real reason to stop people parking there she just doesnt like people to park there . But because she didnt like my brother telling her he wouldn't give her money to move as he didnt think she needed to she got annoyed at all us siblings and refused to read my sons school report that i had sent her that morning.

These are all things that have happened in the last few months to name a few
and i usually just let it go and just put up with it but honestly ive put up with these little things my whole life and i dont want to anymore

I dont understand why because shes my mother she feels she doesnt have to apologise for anything ever and its left to me to make 'amends'
i keep getting told but shes your mum - i just dont see why that means i have to let her upset me and i just have to let it go . I feel like i walk on eggshells constantly...

You are both being unreasonable. It sounds exhausting to live like this.

As i said in the post its an accumulation of this sort of behaviour for the past 30 odd years not just this,

refusing to read my sons school report because my brother wouldn't give her money isnt really petty to me tbh

Well it all sounds completely ridiculous. I was going to say you sound petty but actually you are part of a very unhealthy family dynamic. Possibly this has been driven by your mum but this may be the time to reflect on whether it’s bringing out the best in you.

You’re expecting a baby these should be happy times not a time to get bogged down in this sort of nonsense.

If she already knew why would you expect her to comment on FB about it , surely she has congratulated you in person already . Bizarre .

OP, your mother is annoying and petty.
You know this.
Stop giving her so much power over you.
So what if she ignores things.
Refuse to react.
Stop telling her stuff.
See a lot less of her.
Step away and drop the rope.
Move on with your life.
No one needs this petty drama at a happy time.
You can choose to let her to her pettiness.
Completely ignore this.

Why do you need her to read your sons school report? Don't think my parents have ever read my kids, I just update them that they got a great report.

I think you're unreasonable to expect a public display as well as real life congratulations. But you just made me so glad I don't have Facebook! This sort of family row over minutiae is why I got rid of it years ago. I promise you life and relationships are better without it. My best advice to you is stop living for the way your life looks to other people and live it for yourself.

If she knew in person then she doesn't need to comment on Facebook. How childish.

She sounds bloody hard work.

Some people truly want nothing more in life than to feel hard done by, and will scrape any opportunity to claim they have been wronged, no matter how unfair. Your mother sounds like one of them. It’s not your fault - you’ve done nothing wrong, she just likes being aggrieved.

because she asked for a copy of it , because she asked for it and read it every year , because my son wants her to read it like she does every year

If she didnt ever want to read it thats fine i wouldnt send it

But purposely refusing to read it this year because she couldn't get her own way is what winds me up

How do i explain that to a child when he asks what nanny said ???

Obviously i just say she thought it was so good etc

But why am i even in that siutation

You both sound petty to be honest. I get that she can be difficult at times but falling out because she didn't congratulate you on Facebook when she already knew you were pregnant, is just plain daft!
Life's too short to be this petty.

You both sound very juvenile and petty. It doesn't matter an ounce if she didn't comment on Facebook, it's only social media! Presumably she said she was pleased when you told her you were pregnant, in person?

Whatever peoples opinions are on facebook etc or whether you should reply on something youve already commented on in person etc

People see their husbands and children etc on their birthdays and say happy birthday in person but still post birthday posts and photos of them on facebook....

She does comment on everything and expects everything of hers to be commented on

She didnt just think oh ive already said congratulations she purposely ignored it because she didnt like the fact i hadnt tagged her thats not the same as thinking oh i said it in person already

This is 100% it

Thank you

Everyone is telling you that you are both being ridiculous. Facebook isn't real life.

Honestly one day your mum will be gone and you'll look back on this nonsense and think how silly we were.

This thread is beyond fucked up..... for so many reasons!
I agree with PPs, you're both as bad as each other 🙄

I think you all need to stop living your lives out on facebook. Very sad and weird.

If you’ve talked about it face to face, any comment she put on Facebook would just be performative.

I think you need to get a bit of perspective and step away from social media if it is upsetting you this much. Life happens outside of a screen.
It's really cringey when people post about a pregnancy and the inevitable "I've known for ages" smug comments start rolling in.
Was she happy for you when you told her in person? Will she be a loving grandmother and helpful mum?

Be careful. You're at risk of turning into her. Petty, paranoid, ridiculous.

I never acknowledge things on Facebook if I have already acknowledged them personally. Eg if I have already wished someone happy birthday personally by text, phone or in person I don't feel the need to acknowledge it again on Facebook. That to me seems like it is performative and is just for show. It would be exactly the same with a birth announcement.
Did your mum know you were pregnant? Had she already spoken to you? If so I don't understand why you are upset. If you hadn't already told her I can understand why she would be upset.

I would start by blocking her on facebook.

You all need a better relationship with SM.

It's for people who don't speak to all the time to share news to a wider audience.

I wouldn't expect anyone who I've spoken to F2F to comment on a post on SM about the same thing.

It's so impersonal and I'd know it was just a tick boxing exercise

In that case, lead by example. If she ignored it to be petty, don't rise to the bait. Next time she takes the funnies over you not commenting on something she posts, tell her what everyone here is telling you now.