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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am i the one who should appologise .....

237 replies

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:17

Warning this is really long ....

I haven't spoken to the my mum in over a week and its becoming apparent that neither of us are backing down and i just want to know if im in the wrong

Its a facebook related one , i know it sounds petty but it is just indicative of her behaviour in general.
i am pregnant and announced it on facebook - everyone in my whole family and friends etc commented lovely messages and she point blank ignored it

When questioned by my sister she told my sister she hadnt seen it - however she dosnt get off facebook and a large number of our mutual friends had commented so it wouldve popped up a lot i would imagine and most daming of all both my husband and i had shared the post to our story too - she had viewed both stories .
I gave her 24 hours to acknowledge it and it really upset me that my friend i havent seen in ten years can write something nice and my own mum cant so i rang her and asked her and she told me i didnt even tag her in it or tell her i was going post it thats why.
i didnt even tell my husband i was going to post it that day i just did it as we had the photo prepared already and i dont understand why i would need to tag her in my pregnancy announcement , ive never seen anyone tag the nan before ?

its annoyed me even more thats shes lying to try and make herself look in the right as she opnely told me why shed ignored it but to everyone shes pretending shes the victim and ive had a go at her and it was just a mistake when it clearly isnt.

Just a bit of context
My mother is just generally a really petty person and will get annoyed over the smallest thing and will be funny with you for a while then sort of comes round unless youve really wound her up and she will happily never speak to you again which she has done to several family and friends over the years

Most recently she was funny with me for over a week because i didn't send her an invitation to her grandsons party. I told her the date and time and just assumed she would be there just like she has been for every other party etc - i wasn't aware I had to send a 60 year old woman a paper football invitation ??

She got funny with me because i had my husbands nan and grampy over our house for tea one night and didnt invite her - my husband invited them over to get out their house for an hour as theyd had a hard time recently , it wasnt a slight at her but thats how she takes everything

And because my brother told her he didn't think she needed to move out of her perfectly lovely house just because people park outside her house - its a public street and she doesn't have a driveway so no real reason to stop people parking there she just doesnt like people to park there . But because she didnt like my brother telling her he wouldn't give her money to move as he didnt think she needed to she got annoyed at all us siblings and refused to read my sons school report that i had sent her that morning.

These are all things that have happened in the last few months to name a few
and i usually just let it go and just put up with it but honestly ive put up with these little things my whole life and i dont want to anymore

I dont understand why because shes my mother she feels she doesnt have to apologise for anything ever and its left to me to make 'amends'
i keep getting told but shes your mum - i just dont see why that means i have to let her upset me and i just have to let it go . I feel like i walk on eggshells constantly...

OP posts:
DoraGray · 11/11/2024 17:08

She sounds dreadful. You sound perfect. Never speak to her again.

WildernessBraving · 11/11/2024 17:08

You're both being ridiculous. HTH

MILLYmo0se · 11/11/2024 17:08

Why bother playing this game with her? You know she did it to cause a drama and upset you because she knows you will enough that you d want a public comment, and you jumped straight onto the 'trap'.
She isn't going to be who you want, or give you want you want so give yourself some peace and just pull back. Focus on your pregnancy, your partner and those who love to see you happy and thriving

TypingoftheDead · 11/11/2024 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why aren’t women allowed to want congratulations for getting pregnant, from the person/people who are supposed to love them the most?

Zucker · 11/11/2024 17:09

Block her on facebook. That'll give her something to whinge about.

I do hope there's lots of vaguebooking going on from both sides!

Thunderpants88 · 11/11/2024 17:10

This is so ridiculous I do t even know where to begin.

grow up

Moveoverdarlin · 11/11/2024 17:11

I wouldn’t post a comment on this type of thing either. I don’t want the world and his wife reading my personal messages. But I would send a private message.

LookItsMeAgain · 11/11/2024 17:11

Honestly, having read your opening post @Atticus334, I would drop the rope.

You've told her about the pregnancy, you've tried to involve her in things she might like to get involved with and not involved her in things that have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with her.

Treat her like you would treat a naughty child. Don't give them the attention that they seek. Don't rise to the bait when they tell their tales of woe to other friends and family to rush to defend her (they are called flying monkeys by the way). Just say that you were disappointed that she could take it upon herself to type in the word "Congratulations", 15 letters. That's all. Then move on and change the subject.
Stop involving her in your life and the life of your kid(s). She doesn't need to see a school report so don't give her one. Put her on what I call and 'information diet' - tell her stuff that she needs to know only. Everything else, keep it light or change the subject.

That's what I would do. You will find if you do that, you won't be walking around on eggshells for much longer.

ReignOfError · 11/11/2024 17:11

You both sound marvellous.

And this sort of bollocks is one of the reasons I don’t have Facebook.

Dunnoburt · 11/11/2024 17:13

It's only Facebook......so glad I got rid of it....causes nothing but problems!!! You are both being unreasonable.....

potatocakesinprogress · 11/11/2024 17:14

Honestly feeling really sorry for the baby right now.

Letsgotitans · 11/11/2024 17:14

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:22

Sorry should have made it clear - shes known since the minute ive known at about 2 weeks she was the first to find out after my husband....

You can't have even known you were pregnant at two weeks. That's about the time that you ovulate.

But anyway you both sound ridiculous and need to get off Facebook.

OCDmama · 11/11/2024 17:17

You're a grown woman complaining your mum didn't like your Facebook post?

Are you for real? Or just a huge loser?

jannier · 11/11/2024 17:17

I would expect you to tell the grandparents directly before FB

Whatsitreallylike · 11/11/2024 17:18

This is the worst reason I’ve ever seen for a fall out. You’re both unreasonable, and a bit childish

FrostFlowers2025 · 11/11/2024 17:19

OP, don't lower yourself to her petty and immature behaviour. If one of your friends had not commented on your announcement would you be upset?

You are upset that your mom didn't comment because she has taught you that she thinks you should and will be in a huff if you don't. Don't drag her drama and BS into yet another generation. Let you mom stew and teach your children that life is not about likes and comments on social media.

lasagnelle · 11/11/2024 17:20

Oh dear me.

OP you are about to have a child. Please think about that. You're being utterly ridiculous and probably need a social media break

Tvp123 · 11/11/2024 17:21

You sound as bad as her in her neediness. I often don't comment on posts people put about something I already know about. I've already had communication with them about. Maybe she became defensive about not being tagged because you complained to her.
I think you are both a little pathetic and needy. It's fb for fucks sake.

YellowPolkaDotBikini1980 · 11/11/2024 17:22

You both sound chronically online.

Datingandconfused · 11/11/2024 17:22

Are you sure you're old enough to be having a baby? It all sounds pretty childish

itsmylife7 · 11/11/2024 17:23

So you'd told your mum in person already before the big Facebook reveal... she's being very silly.

Maybe this is your chance to stop her being so involved in your life....but are you brave enough ?

gmgnts · 11/11/2024 17:23

But this post isn't about Facebook, nor about a school report. It's about a mother that loves to harbour little grievances and make her children suffer. She sounds an absolute pain in the neck. I think you should try to distance yourself as much as you can and try not to let her petty nastiness get to you. You might find it easier on the forum about narcissistic parents - I forget what it's called, but people would be much more sympathetic there. Flowers

Rosscameasdoody · 11/11/2024 17:25

You both need to grow up. If she knew already why would she comment ? It’s tiresome.

Turnups · 11/11/2024 17:25

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:22

Sorry should have made it clear - shes known since the minute ive known at about 2 weeks she was the first to find out after my husband....

I don’t understand why you think she needed to comment or congratulate you on Facebook then! That would have been very odd imo. I think YABU about this (though some of the other things you say about her do sound off.)

ClairDeLaLune · 11/11/2024 17:25

Good grief! I feel sorry for your baby. The day it’s born it will be more mature than you and your mum!