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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am i the one who should appologise .....

237 replies

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:17

Warning this is really long ....

I haven't spoken to the my mum in over a week and its becoming apparent that neither of us are backing down and i just want to know if im in the wrong

Its a facebook related one , i know it sounds petty but it is just indicative of her behaviour in general.
i am pregnant and announced it on facebook - everyone in my whole family and friends etc commented lovely messages and she point blank ignored it

When questioned by my sister she told my sister she hadnt seen it - however she dosnt get off facebook and a large number of our mutual friends had commented so it wouldve popped up a lot i would imagine and most daming of all both my husband and i had shared the post to our story too - she had viewed both stories .
I gave her 24 hours to acknowledge it and it really upset me that my friend i havent seen in ten years can write something nice and my own mum cant so i rang her and asked her and she told me i didnt even tag her in it or tell her i was going post it thats why.
i didnt even tell my husband i was going to post it that day i just did it as we had the photo prepared already and i dont understand why i would need to tag her in my pregnancy announcement , ive never seen anyone tag the nan before ?

its annoyed me even more thats shes lying to try and make herself look in the right as she opnely told me why shed ignored it but to everyone shes pretending shes the victim and ive had a go at her and it was just a mistake when it clearly isnt.

Just a bit of context
My mother is just generally a really petty person and will get annoyed over the smallest thing and will be funny with you for a while then sort of comes round unless youve really wound her up and she will happily never speak to you again which she has done to several family and friends over the years

Most recently she was funny with me for over a week because i didn't send her an invitation to her grandsons party. I told her the date and time and just assumed she would be there just like she has been for every other party etc - i wasn't aware I had to send a 60 year old woman a paper football invitation ??

She got funny with me because i had my husbands nan and grampy over our house for tea one night and didnt invite her - my husband invited them over to get out their house for an hour as theyd had a hard time recently , it wasnt a slight at her but thats how she takes everything

And because my brother told her he didn't think she needed to move out of her perfectly lovely house just because people park outside her house - its a public street and she doesn't have a driveway so no real reason to stop people parking there she just doesnt like people to park there . But because she didnt like my brother telling her he wouldn't give her money to move as he didnt think she needed to she got annoyed at all us siblings and refused to read my sons school report that i had sent her that morning.

These are all things that have happened in the last few months to name a few
and i usually just let it go and just put up with it but honestly ive put up with these little things my whole life and i dont want to anymore

I dont understand why because shes my mother she feels she doesnt have to apologise for anything ever and its left to me to make 'amends'
i keep getting told but shes your mum - i just dont see why that means i have to let her upset me and i just have to let it go . I feel like i walk on eggshells constantly...

OP posts:
ScanaDully · 11/11/2024 16:50

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:26

So shes not expected to comment on the post that i was expected by her to tag her in ?
A week before i announced my pregnancy my sister graduated and she posted 32 photos of it and how proud she was and she loved her but nothing for her new grandchild .

If i failed to write happy birthday on my mothers facebook despite telling her to her face and texting her - she would be absolutely livid.

This is bonkers. If I already knew about something from a conversation in real life, I wouldn't expect that I'd need to also add an obligatory comment on a Facebook post about it!!

Surely that's just performative? If your mum knew you were pregnant and commented on it in real life why would she again need to comment on the Facebook announcement?

Purplewarrior · 11/11/2024 16:51

Well with any luck she’s gone NC with you and you can move forward with a peaceful life.

ScanaDully · 11/11/2024 16:51

As i said in the post its an accumulation of this sort of behaviour for the past 30 odd years not just this,

But you're perpetuating her behaviour by wanting her to do the same thing that you're annoyed about?

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:51

This facebook thing was just the straw that broke the camels back - ive been dealing with this in various forms my whole life
My issue is with her behaviour in general
I could give you a 100 examples of similar behaviour that has nothing to do with social media at all

OP posts:
Tulip8 · 11/11/2024 16:51

You appear to have inherited her petty streak!

DoYouReally · 11/11/2024 16:52

Some suggestions:

  1. Grow up
  2. Delete Facebook if it's causing problems

You should be the midst of delight with you'd pregnant and trival stuffiness this shouldn't even be given a second thought.

HeddaGarbled · 11/11/2024 16:52

You know when people say “she could start an argument in an empty room”? That’s you, that is (and your mum).

ScanaDully · 11/11/2024 16:53

God I hate Facebook, I'm so glad I got rid of it.

TeenLifeMum · 11/11/2024 16:54

Omg, it’s Facebook. Grow up and talk to each other. This sounds exhausting.

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:55

HeddaGarbled · 11/11/2024 16:52

You know when people say “she could start an argument in an empty room”? That’s you, that is (and your mum).

Incorrect.I can count on one hand the amount of times ive fallen out with my mother because I just let everything go constantly and im sick of letting it go to keep the peace
Everyone has a point where they've had enough and ive reached mine

OP posts:
Jl2014 · 11/11/2024 16:55

I think neither of you are ready for social media and should both come off it.

Geranen · 11/11/2024 16:55

Why does it matter?

jolota · 11/11/2024 16:55

I don't use facebook really and wouldn't care about it this but that's not the point of this post so I don't know why people act like you shouldn't care?
The issue is obviously that this is a normal thing in your family and your mum is using this situation to not comment to show her annoyance with you for an incredibly petty reason.
She obviously has form for doing this exact sort of thing over the years and it sounds exhausting.
You're obviously not unreasonable but knowing that won't change anything unless you stop letting yourself be bothered by your mothers tantrums and stop giving her what she wants which is drama and attention.

JolieFilleCommentCaVa · 11/11/2024 16:56

You’re both being absolutely ridiculous and need to grow the fuck up.

You - are pissed off she’s not commented/liked your Facebook post.

She - is pissed off that you didn’t tag her in said post, or told her that you were going to post it on Facebook.

Can you not see how batshit this is? Can she not see how batshit this is?

You both need to delete Facebook and go and touch grass. Seriously.

Geranen · 11/11/2024 16:56

Atticus334 · 11/11/2024 16:51

This facebook thing was just the straw that broke the camels back - ive been dealing with this in various forms my whole life
My issue is with her behaviour in general
I could give you a 100 examples of similar behaviour that has nothing to do with social media at all

But this post is about social media, so that's what people will respond to.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 11/11/2024 16:58

I gave her 24 hours to acknowledge it

Sounds like dramatics are in the genes

ForAmberGoose · 11/11/2024 16:58

I don't think you are in the wrong Op. She's being intentionally petty and I think manipulative. Don't feel like it's on your to make amends. Let her be bitter about it. And congratulations on your little one!

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 11/11/2024 16:59

If she already knew and had congratulated you why did she need to write anything on Facebook? You say people say happy birthday in person then still comment on FB , I don't and neither does anyone I know other than people who love FB drama. You say she's petty and starts arguments, it seems the apple didn't fall far from the tree

Kerrylass · 11/11/2024 17:01

People having a go at the OP here cause its a Facebook spat, are missing the entire point. The woman's own mother cannot be truly happy for her. even in her celebration announcement she by her omission of support, made it about her. And well it worked.

You've spent the last week thinking about her and making her the focus instead of parking it and enjoying the family you have created. I know its hard, but my firm advise to you is this, stop giving this woman the attention she craves. Dont share every aspect of your life with her. This is not a close relationship, its all a smoke screen for whats really going on, You live in her shadow, everything has to be about her and she needs to be considered in everything.

Leave things lie down for a while...see how things progress.

Grepes · 11/11/2024 17:02

It’s ridiculous to comment on something on Facebook she’s already congratulated you on. Do you and your husband wish each other happy birthday on Facebook whilst sitting across the breakfast table from each other, despite having already exchanged cards and presents?!!!

Your mother isn’t coming across as the petty one here…

GoldenLegend · 11/11/2024 17:03

This is a perfect example of someone only having power over you because you let them. It's all 'I said then she said then I said . . .'

Stop rising to it and if she doesn't speak to you, great, you can get on with life!

Lairymary · 11/11/2024 17:04

Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You both sound petty and pathetic. Stop living your life through Facebook.

Firefly1987 · 11/11/2024 17:04

Facebook arguments are for the likes of the Jeremy Kyle show. I dread to think how many relationships social media has ruined. Stop looking for validation online. Once the baby is actually here and you plaster them all over facebook I'm sure there will be the required amount of gushing from everyone.

LookItsMeAgain · 11/11/2024 17:05

How would she be aware that she wasn't tagged in the FB post if she hadn't seen it to know that she wasn't actually tagged in it?
Come to think of it, why would she be tagged in a post that is about your pregnancy?

berksandbeyond · 11/11/2024 17:06

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