Am i the one who should appologise .....

[Atticus334]

Warning this is really long ....

I haven't spoken to the my mum in over a week and its becoming apparent that neither of us are backing down and i just want to know if im in the wrong

Its a facebook related one , i know it sounds petty but it is just indicative of her behaviour in general.
i am pregnant and announced it on facebook - everyone in my whole family and friends etc commented lovely messages and she point blank ignored it

When questioned by my sister she told my sister she hadnt seen it - however she dosnt get off facebook and a large number of our mutual friends had commented so it wouldve popped up a lot i would imagine and most daming of all both my husband and i had shared the post to our story too - she had viewed both stories .
I gave her 24 hours to acknowledge it and it really upset me that my friend i havent seen in ten years can write something nice and my own mum cant so i rang her and asked her and she told me i didnt even tag her in it or tell her i was going post it thats why.
i didnt even tell my husband i was going to post it that day i just did it as we had the photo prepared already and i dont understand why i would need to tag her in my pregnancy announcement , ive never seen anyone tag the nan before ?

its annoyed me even more thats shes lying to try and make herself look in the right as she opnely told me why shed ignored it but to everyone shes pretending shes the victim and ive had a go at her and it was just a mistake when it clearly isnt.

Just a bit of context
My mother is just generally a really petty person and will get annoyed over the smallest thing and will be funny with you for a while then sort of comes round unless youve really wound her up and she will happily never speak to you again which she has done to several family and friends over the years

Most recently she was funny with me for over a week because i didn't send her an invitation to her grandsons party. I told her the date and time and just assumed she would be there just like she has been for every other party etc - i wasn't aware I had to send a 60 year old woman a paper football invitation ??

She got funny with me because i had my husbands nan and grampy over our house for tea one night and didnt invite her - my husband invited them over to get out their house for an hour as theyd had a hard time recently , it wasnt a slight at her but thats how she takes everything

And because my brother told her he didn't think she needed to move out of her perfectly lovely house just because people park outside her house - its a public street and she doesn't have a driveway so no real reason to stop people parking there she just doesnt like people to park there . But because she didnt like my brother telling her he wouldn't give her money to move as he didnt think she needed to she got annoyed at all us siblings and refused to read my sons school report that i had sent her that morning.

These are all things that have happened in the last few months to name a few
and i usually just let it go and just put up with it but honestly ive put up with these little things my whole life and i dont want to anymore

I dont understand why because shes my mother she feels she doesnt have to apologise for anything ever and its left to me to make 'amends'
i keep getting told but shes your mum - i just dont see why that means i have to let her upset me and i just have to let it go . I feel like i walk on eggshells constantly...

I felt every part of that, I have one just like her. Mine likes to make sure there is a huge kick off of her own doing every few months when things are going well and everything is lovely and civil. Nope, let’s shit on this and create an argument so she can ignore my poor dad and have him on pins, me and my sister cop it and she waits for an apology even when we don’t have anything to apologise for. We panic over every birthday and Christmas present because she notices how much effort and money has gone into it and compares it to what my dad got, she says she doesn’t want a fuss so when we don’t make a fuss she kicks off about us being selfish. We never know where we stand but we are adults now with our own families and she isn’t overly important as she once was and we don’t have to tolerate her behaviour so ignore her. We get crap during the day at work and she sends messages non stop then accuses us of ignoring her. We are at work!!!!! Anything sets her off. 50th wedding anniversary this year and me and my siblings are shitting ourselves already because we know what’s going to happen. It’s god awful and a stress I don’t need when I’m close to burn out and exhausted from everything else.

People are misunderstanding due to it being social media. I expect you are annoyed by the double standards and hypocrisy of your mother. I get it. I would unclench though and do less posts at her whim to her audience and enjoy your pregnancy. She's clearly insufferable but there's sure to be more hurdles down the road. Try to care less about any maternal guilt tripping for performative posts in future and don't let the MN backlash get to you.

Op says her mum knew about the pregnancy about the same time as her husband, so well before the FB announcement..

Haven't read the whole thread but, going by the first post, you're both as immature as each other.

Get off Facebook if it's going to affect you to the point that you've stopped talking to your mother. I can't believe I've even had to type that.

Sounds like you need to block her on Facebook, or just get off it yourself.

You play people's minds. You've told her, and then expect a second round of congratulations. She's done nothing wrong. You need to think about your obsession with Facebook, and how you use it.

You think your mum is petty? But you're annoyed because she didn't say anything on your post?

Either your pregnancy hormones are going all over the place or the apple didn't fall far from the tree....

But why would she want to read your son's school report? I've never read any of my grandchildrens and my mum never read any of my kids either

I would say…you both need to grow up and pay less attention to Facebook!

Did you call mum to tell her your good news or was it put on facebook for the world to see before she even knew?
I can honestly see her side, imagine your neighbour knowing before you that you’re going to be a nanna! It’s not nice. I don’t know why you wouldn’t have took the time to tell the grandparents face to face, if this is the case.

Get off Facebook and get a life, same goes for your mother!

It sounds like you both need to get off Facebook and start living in the real world.

I agree.

Omg this is why I'm no longer on FB. So much drama and unnecessary headache.

THIS 👆

Fuck me get some real problems.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it 🙄

I believe you OP, but if you know what she's like, why didn't you tag her?

Either play along or completely cut off the social media part of it.

THIS

Sorry but u should know that this is about her grandchild. She’s been snubbed by not being included in the FB post.
Before I get attacked, yes I’m being sarcastic. But this is also what I had to deal with from my mother.
Sorry if I’m the one to tell u but if she’s like mine, u will never get an apology nor explanation (unless it paints her as the victim in all this). She is the main character. If anyone tells her something she doesn’t want to hear, then it’s an attack & these people must be punished. In her eyes the worst punishment she can give is silence as who wouldn’t want to be part of her inner circle? Enjoy the peace.

She’s your mother so , after your husband being told she should have been next not on some impersonal Facebook site.
YABU and should apologise to her.

The FB disagreement is not the issue here… the problem is your Mum using opportunities to ‘have a go’ - it is clear she is controlling and manipulative and things obviously get tense when you try and find some independence or set boundaries. You seem to generally have (or want) a nice relationship but there is a ‘control’ dynamic going on that needs addressing.

Secondly it seems you have an online life and a parallel real life relationship with your Mum with different understandings of unwritten rules, expectations and etiquette - perhaps these need clarifying so you don’t annoy each other - the FB issue should be just a simple conversation with your Mum (but not helpful when clearly she’s lying)

No she doesn't need to comment, she's known for ages , presumably fb more to tell friends

I stopped reading after a few sentences. That is all that was needed

frankly, it seems you like drama and attention seeking on social media.

she’s your mother, you should have called her. Everything else following that is your drama you created and just add to

frankly, she should just unfollow you so that she doesn’t see what you post nor people’s comments to unless she specifically goes to look. Could be a way of avoiding the drama. Perhaps she already has hence not seeing your post.

Like mother like daughter, I suppose. You are both are ridiculous- you for posting a pregnancy announcement on social media for your mother/family to find out. And she for acting like a victim.