AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

Well she asked your opinion and you gave it so you’ve done nothing wrong.

With a train? What was she thinking - and black at a wedding? (Is that a thing nowadays?) No, I think you were right to voice your concerns, but if she does turn up wearing that, take consolation in the fact that all the guests will think she is a complete dick.

I would be tempted to say nothing more going forward. She does not have to be in all of your wedding pictures. It will just cause problems trying to question her choice of attire.

Honestly, I don’t think you can veto other people’s clothes. She asked for your opinion, you gave it to her, but what she does in response to that is up to her.

I don’t think anyone is likely to see a black dress as ‘bridal’, train or no train, anyway.

I mean honestly? Are you sure your "colour pallette" is actually more important than your relationship with a really important member of your family? Yes, she'll look odd, and you could have perhaps suggested that the other people will be more colourful so she'll stand out a bit, to check she's ok with this.

But please don't get yourself worked up about it, it's your own vibe you're killing.

Is your MIL Morticia Addams?!

You should've let her turn up in it and make a complete fool of herself.

Blimey. She is really wanting to be dramatic isn't
she! She will look ridiculous and like she is really grabby for attention

I think black will look quite striking against your colour palette. 🤷‍♀️

Btw, if she wears a lot of black normally I'd be fine with that (it's more important that she's comfortable than whether she fits the theme) - but full length with a train is quite the statement.

You can’t dictate what people wear at a wedding. It sounds a really odd choice BUT the choice is hers to make. Obsessing over colour themes is, and I say this kindly, a bit ridiculous unless you only have 2 people at your wedding.

The fact she has asked your opinion on it i would hazard a guess she knows its inappropriate

Are you sure she wasn't pulling your leg?

She asked your opinion and you've given it. It's entirely up to her whether she wears the outfit or not. But I don't understand why she's got 'funny' with your response. She asked so therefore needs to be prepared for a response she's not going to agree with.

Link to the dress or something similar?

(I hope you didn't include the term "colour palette" in your reply to her! It's just one day in what I hope will be a long and happy marriage, so do try to keep it all in proportion)

Pretty sure that's the OP!

Reply...

Hahaha you nearly got me there with the wicked stepmother costume joke 😂
Looking forward to seeing your real outfit

Hopefully it gives her the chance to agree it was a (bad) joke.

The mother of the groom wearing black to her son's wedding is going to make all her friends and relations think she is being nasty. Not a good look for her. Hopefully one of her friends will realize and persuade her to change it for something a bit more colourful.

I don't think there is anything you can do and an earlier poster is correct, you don't want to damage a relationship with your future MIL because she is stuffing up your wedding colour palette. Black and orange is very Halloween. Maybe get her a handbag shaped like a pumpkin to carry on the day. She may as well go the whole hog.

I don’t think you can dictate what colour guests wear - that’s a bit much - but you could steer her away by saying something like “lovely dress but it’ll be boiling in August in Spain, won’t black be a bit warm?”

If you feel put out by the train, people will generally think she’s a bit cringe.

Is she usually a good MIL?

It sounds a bit pass-agg to me (as in she’s mourning the fact her ds is marrying you🤣) does she has form for pulling shit like this?

You've given her you opinion so it's up to her. It does sound like she's channelling a Morticia vibe! What's with a train?
Your guests will look at her and be like 🙄

Do give the photographer a specific list of groupings for photos that you and DF both want - she'll only need to be in a couple of them.

I think guests should be able to wear whatever colour they want, and not be 'themed' by the bride. But a train? God, no. Is it really an actual train?

I think it’s unreasonable to expect your guests to fit in with the colour and theme you’ve decided upon, unless you’re also going to be buying their outfits. I can’t imagine a black dress looking in any way bridal anyway, so it seems a non issue.

She will look like she's mourning her son getting married

Could you gently talk her out of it with flattery? Something like "oh MIL, I was meaning to ask you if you'd consider wearing x or y. You're so important to us and we were thinking of having a couple of special pictures taken with you. It would look so lovely if your outfit complimented mine and your son's".

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Black at a wedding is pretty rude! I'm sure it's what you wear when you disapprove of the marriage.

Spanish people will assume she's widowed.

Also train eek! I'd be taking to the photographer about cutting her out of the planned photos tbh. She clearly trying to attention steal.

I don't think you can set a colour palate but definitely can say its too bridal shape.