AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

The outfit sounds terrible but I didn't care what anyone wore as long as they were there

Isn't getting married meant to be the most important bit?

Both of the dresses are for mourning. Just keep that in mind when you tell her she can not wear any. You should not be wearing a black wedding dress.
It reminds me of Carrie's Underwood song: Just a dream (where she suppose to get married, coming in white, but it was just a dream, as her husband to be was killed in the war and her white gown turns black. Watch it, you'll see what I mean. That's how your MIL will looks like.)

It’s beautiful for a prom dress, or for a bride or bridesmaids that wants a theme of black and white.
But no I wouldn’t expect a MIL to wear it at a wedding.
It certainly gives of Addams family vibes!

I would just tell her you’re disappointed she’s wearing black… maybe drop into conversation that you showed your friends the dress and they said ‘oh! I thought she liked you’…..
or something similar….
don’t say it in a nasty way, but just casually say that MIL wearing black does give off mourning vibes … people will think she’s sad you’re joining the family etc…
Id also suggest she didn’t wear something so long, tell her it looks too bride rather than mother/MIL.
maybe you could find some dresses you would be happy for her wear and send them to her with a simple ‘you’ll look lovely in this and this will look better be cooler on the day! Send her LOADS until she gets the hint!
if she still wears the black dress then as someone else said, I’d get the dress photoshopped to be a colour that does match your theme….
although I’m all honestly it isn’t usually a picture of everyone that makes it onto your wall…. You’ll end up with a nice picture of you and DH & your two DC on the wall… the others will all be in a photo book that you look at maybe 5 times over the next 20 years!

I actually really like the second dress and if she’s as elegant as you say she’ll look stunning. Yes it is black and yes it has a small train but it’s a huge improvement on the first dress and - importantly- with this one she wont detract from you on your day.

Well, it’s a nice ball dress, but not for a wedding. And, to be honest, that dress is for younger, and slim women. Not for a mother of the bride/groom.

I think guests should be allowed to choose their own outfits, and “colour palettes” are a bit OTT, but that’s not a wedding guest dress. 🤷‍♀️

When you’re a close relative of the bride, It’s jsut common courtesy to check your outfit doesn’t clash theme , match the bride or upstage the bride. YANBU

I've had a thought @MumofHennHals you say she has a very good figure...was she ever a ballerina?

Do you think this could be some Black Swan tendencies surfacing & this is her last gasp attempt to win her boy back?!?

Gently explain to her it is a wedding & not a staging of Swan Lake, so she can get in something cheery like everyone else who actually wants to be there to CELEBRATE the two of you getting hitched, not mourn it ;)

We don’t know that she’s not young and slim. And MofG outfits have moved on from this kind of thing.

@DaylightTreachery she is 65 and slim according to OP

Ask your husband to have a quiet chat with her explaining it's not the actual dress but the colour you're unhappy about. If she insists on wearing black then have your photographer do pictures with all your bright colourful wedding party together then separate ones with both of you & his parents so she doesn't stand out in the group photos. I'm sure you'll all look amazing on the day & people will notice she's a 'stand out' but who cares, you'll not notice it on the day as you'll be so happy & carried along with all the excitement.

Phew! That one is so much better!

The first dress was a mental choice!
second one is more appropriate for a mother of the bride. Doesn’t match with the theme and she will boil alive wearing black in Spain but that’s up to her I suppose.

It's fascinating what weddings bring up. All the drama and dynamics. Another point of view has popped into my mind (not necessarily representing the first dress cos that was bonkers as everyone has said) MIL is obviously going very dressy and glam, and it could be said that she's really invested in the occassion. It's obviously very important to her as she's going all out. A relative of mine, who is usually a lovely dresser, wore an extremely casual dress to my wedding and she was making a statement in that way too. She didn't see it as important. So maybe we can spin it that your mil sees the day as hugely special and wants to dress accordingly.

They are both a big no! Is she ok? How can she think either appropriate.

No. There would be no mistaking who is the bride. I just think there are real things to worry about in the world and this isn't one of them

Fair enough.

You are sooo patronising. 🤣. Yes obviously there are lots of things to worry about in the world ( nobody is that blind or blinkered or stupid to think there aren’t) but for OP this was a big problem for her personally, right now.

If she wants to look a dick, then leave her to it lol

It's a bloody shame when the bridezillas start trying to dictate what guests are wearing with bloody "colour palette" . FFS pull yourself together.

Outfit sounds a bit grim though.

My mother wore black to my wedding. My colours were cream and lilac....

I just thought ffs, whatever.

She looked odd in the pics like she was at a funeral....but, her choice.

Have you involved her in your wedding plans? Maybe including her in discussions would help her understand how you would like the wedding theme to follow lighter colour palette . Speak to her while she has time to return the dress for a refund. If she is content to carry on with wearing it, there is little you can do. Carry on and enjoy your day

🤣🤣 exactly what came to my mind!

It sounds ridiculous to wear to a wedding but you can’t really tell others what to wear. My mum is wearing a suit and trainers to mine.