AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

Jesus, unless she's 25, 5 foot 8 and a size 1 she'll look a bugger in it. I would be mortified as well - WTH is she thinking!!

That was my exact thought. She must be pulling your leg. If she's not, show her this thread.

meant size 10 of course

Crikey! You come across as very controlling OP. What happened to the bride choosing her own dress and the bridesmaids, then everyone else choosing their own clothes? The purpose of a wedding is to declare your love for each other and maybe have a bit of a party afterwards. The whole colour matching thing sounds a nightmare.

The train is extremely rude.

But she is getting married in Spain. If MOTG was doing research on what to wear, this is exactly what would be suggested!

Also, we don’t know if any of the families have Spanish ancestry. We don’t know what the link is.

I went to a wedding in Seville and the MOTG wore the traditional black mourning bridal dress - she was on the British side! It was the bride who was Spanish. They all pitched in and did the Spanish traditions because that’s where they were getting married.

So you can’t assume unless the OP decides to provide more context.

God no, at least black won't clash with the bridal group colours. I was thinking at least it's black!! She could have chosen hot pink.

@MumofHennHals if you wanted her to blend with the bridal group you could have included her in the planning & buying of the outfits.

at least black is not clashing,

it's a weird choice of dress. Mutton dressed as lamb. (Im 55. I'm assuming she's 50+ but even if younger it's not appropriate as MOG). I'm a bit on the fence about the black as particularly in Spain, she will probably send a mourning vibe out. Even amongst your British guests. ( if they are?!)

as for wanting the shape to be like yours, that's a bit nuts, but if you generally get on well I'd just be rolling my eyes & focusing on 'it could be worse!

I think your bridal group colours could be really tricky for a MOG to fit in with though.

Love how the bride is supposed to consider this but apparently the MIL isn't, despite having presumably had her own wedding and if not certainly invited to a few.

Does she have the figure for that dress, amazing if she does! Do they do it in other colours? Could she get the same style in a more acceptable colour as a compromise or is it just available in black or white.

Could your husband to be or your mum (if they get on well) have a word with her and say you are just a bit concerned it will be a bit dark as you are going for a bright colourful theme and she will rather stand out from the rest of the guests.

It sounds like she's wanting to do something extravagant and has probably invested a lot of money on the dress thinking you would love it as much as she does. Very unfortunate to fall out over this, can you get her a really colourful corsage to brighten it up? What is your mum going to wear could you discuss it in that context, mother of the bride and mother of the groom having equivalent sort of outfits not out doing each other.

Trouble is it's all a bit late if she's bought the dress.

Yabu. You just grateful guests come to your wedding you can't tell them what to wear. The back look stunning against the orange. The wedding is one day, you marrying into the family which is more important...the relationship you have if your grooms family. Let this go.

She is BU for asking for an opinion then getting huffy.
YABU for thinking people have to wear certain colour/shades to make your photos look good.
A more tactful way ie suggesting she might be too hot wearing a long black dress and offering to go shopping with her may have gone down better

That's a beautiful dress, but it is very attention getting (in a good way) and will really stand out in the photos if everyone else is wearing pale oranges and yellows, especially if she has the figure and attitude to carry it off.

Obviously it's better to focus on the marriage not the wedding and not spoil a relationship over colour choices, but does she really want to be the focus of all the photos she is in?

Would she compromise and agree to change into it for the evening and get something more daytime appropriate for the actual ceremony + photos?

@OutwiththeOutCrowd haha very good!

I think the dress is attention seeking and your MIL is unlikely to look good in it, unless your MIL is Carla Bruni.

Wowsers - that is certainly a strong choice for mother of the groom!

I came on to say that I’d let her crack on - you probably won’t notice on the day. My mother in law wore full length cream on my wedding day, and I honestly didn’t notice until so saw the photos!

But this is a whole other thing…you’re saving her from herself tbh.

Ffs.

She has lost the plot. It's completely inappropriate.

@MumofHennHals I was going to say that youre being unreasonable because it's really sad to be so focused on what photos will look like and not on the comfort of your guests/feel of the day. I think people get a bit obsessed with appearances because of aesthetically focussed social media and forget the actual important part which is the emotions and celebration of the day.

But then I saw the dress. She cannot be serious! It's a wedding dress for a die hard goth not a dress for MOG. It does look like she is going to a funeral where she weirdly wants to be sexy?! Is she usually dramatic or has she just not been to a lot of weddings. It's just not appropriate.

Is she trying to fit in with local custom but isn't sure because she's not Spanish? It's not what I'd expect a British MOTG to wear, and she'd have to have a great figure to carry it off, but if it is normal for Spanish MOTGs and she's in tremendous shape, then ok. It's a spectacular dress. It's all about being appropriate and I'm British so can't say.

I always think of Rachel Welch at her son's wedding when I think of Mil's wanting to be noticed!

I think maybe you should edit your first post to include a photo of the dress -might impact people's responses!
Wow - is she for real? I hope you have showed your hubby.

Totally inappropriate & not because its black but because if it was in white it would obviously be a wedding dress!
A really bizarre choice. What's your mum wearing? Maybe you can frame it that you wanted the mums to look similar?
Not sure on what planet someone would think that trying to look like the bride is a good idea at a wedding?

She's actually going to make a complete fool of herself showing up in a goth wedding dress.

OP didn't ask, MIL asked her opinion

@Theak

whst colour do you think though? Bright colours will clash, pastel colours will look horrible, navy will stand out just as much (though less morally objectionable) browns/greens will give single:pumpkin vibes) I just can't think of a colours that will fit with the bridal party without actually being one of those colours.

I don't think we know that - OP has previously mentioned family in Spain.

I think colour palettes for guests at weddings are stupid and an extra hassle for guests. Black is a traditional colour for MotG in Spain and if an evening wedding then likely to be long rather than knee or calf length.