AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

I don’t think you can tell her not to wear black, or that she must fit in with your ‘colour palette’. Nor would I assume she’s lost the plot or anything, it may just be a cultural thing i.e. all the American weddings I’ve attended have been black tie or black tie optional and the mums usually wear something very formal and dark coloured. I might tactfully suggest that she might find all that fabric very hot in Spain in August and say that the wedding isn’t black tie so she’s welcome to wear something floatier/less formal, for her own comfort!

These are beautiful 😍 ❤️

Old women in black is very 'spanish'. I'd invite a few mature female locals and ask them to wear black with black lace mantillas.

It's almost as if she's saying she's in mourning for "the loss" of her son to his wife. I can't really visualise such a dress that doesn't seem bizarrely caricaturish. Will she look OK in it or ridiculous do you think? It sounds such a massive overstep .

Crikey, you lot should have seen the grief my best friend got from her D-i-L-to-be, who vetoed several perfectly resaonable outfits (none of which was black or white,or even cream) and who turned out to be not only Bridezilla, but WifeZilla to boot.
Personally, I think everyone apart from the bridesmaids and groomsmen should just be able to choose their own clothes and not consult beforehand, although I can see that if both Mother and Mother-in-Law are going to be present, they might want to avoid anything too similar to each other.

Said dresz

Assume it was a joke.

"For a moment I thought you were serious, and was just wondering how I could tell you how people would react to the mother of the bride looking like she'd turned up as a bride in black. Love to see your outfit when you've really chosen one. "

My ‘dear’ mother wore black at my wedding, she’s quite obsessed with ‘the done thing’ and it was an entirely deliberate statement. Last I heard she makes everyone’s Christmas a misery by ranting about not knowing where I live and not having seen me for years.
I didn’t really notice at the time, just relieved she hadn’t done anything worse, I think. And yes, the guests thought she was a dick.

Black and a train? Maleficent? I’d explain what you want the vibe/photographs to be and offer a days shopping and lunch with her to get something appropriate.

a black outfit is absolutely fine for a wedding guest. It’s an unusual choice for a destination wedding but not inappropriate.

Love the dress, especially if she has the right figure, not for your wedding though.

Seriously? It didn't even occur to me to ask what colour my MIL was going to wear to our wedding (ours, not mine!!) She should be free to wear whatever suits her and she is comfortable in. It's one day

Just seen your photo op, maybe is a bit much 🤣

What the fuck?!?!?!

can you get your DH to have a word?

If she's generally a lovely person (which you have said she is) can you just tell her it's a lovely dress, but that she make look out of place as everyone else is wearing bright colours? Explain that she is one of the important guests and that she will be forever in the photos of the wedding party? Perhaps offer to go shopping with her? At the end of the day although it feels important now, it really isn't a biggie. The train is weird though..

Oh she must be taking the piss! 😂

So so inappropriate. Why on earth does she think she should wear a dress in the same style as the bride AND in black. Not a bridezilla but this would be a hard no for me.

Is she Catherine zeta Jones. Or mother Kardashian?

It's a very odd choice.

MIL got a figure like Katie Price?

It’s literally a black bridal gown 😱

Is it an evening wedding?
Southern European weddings are often evening wear and long dresses, strapless dresses etc are normal, and dark colours are chic.

It would be an odd choice for an english country church at 1pm.

It's great you have a good relationship, your mistake was probably not letting her know what was in your mind before she shopped. She's obvioulsy had a very different vision and feels quite hurt/ embarassed she's been told she's got it wrong.

Think about how you can reassure her e.g. the shape is great and you'd look amazing in that, but I was thinking all the bridal party could be in light colours so we create a lovely summet vibe together in all the phots. Could we maybe look for something together?

OK - seen dress, that is weird! I say this as someone in their 50s .. it's quite a young dress for a start and OTT unless you are bride or prom queen.

Sees dress. She's going to make your life and marriage a living hell, OP.

I mean lovely dress, but absolutely not for a wedding and especially not as MOG. Very odd. I'd go back and explain that it's not the dress isn't amazing or that she wouldn't love fab in it, but it's a ballgown not suitable for a daytime summer wedding attire. Bonkers.

Oh that's tricky as it's not really a train as such.....

I'm usually bemused at MN views on black/pastel/green/red/"yes it might be purple but it's got white flowers on it" wedding attire that is a bit.....yea......good luck op 🤣