AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

Well the dress is OTT (what is she thinking??) but if she’s in the photos you won’t see the train too much. What other colours does it come in, can you point her in the direction of literally any other colour?

Her choice is definitely weird and I do live by “don’t ask an opinion if you won’t accept the answer”

however YABU as well to bang on about a colour palette

Blimey that dress is a bit much 😂

It is a thing now on insta though for some MOTBs to wear basically a bridal type evening gowns and do their own 'sweep' down the aisle befre the bride. I kind of show off 'how hot is her mum' type thing.

Maybe she's been looking at insta and has got carried away!

Has this future MIL actually been to a wedding before? Doesn't sound as though she has any concept of acceptable decorum to be honest.
When I read the OP I immediately conjured up an image of a Halloween costume - perhaps she anticipates going out Trick or Treating after the ceremony?

I think you need to lighten up and let her wear what she wants. And focus on enjoying your day

This sounds like the sort of thing my mum would do, and that's not a good thing.

Shut it down if you can and if that doesn't work then take the piss. Attention seekers don't like to be mocked. Is there another relative that could have a gentle word with her?

Holy crap! 😂😂

She's going to look very stupid. Stick her in the back of all your photos. Downplay the ones with his family in them. We had to do that with MIL/FIL because SIL insisted on having the then-latest boyfriend in the photos, and he was dressed like he was going grouse shooting rather than to a wedding. And of course he was history soon after.

Could you use photoshop to re-dress her in the photos?

Apparently, in Spain brides used to wear black, so errr….

If she insists on a dress with a train, this one might be more summery...

Well, she did ask your opinion and you gave it, you didn’t do anything wrong.

Wearing black to a wedding like you described is weird imo (and attention seeking, she must know she will stand out for all the wrong reasons) A train too?
Hmmm.

In which case, buy her a dress you like.

I'm sorry but you do not get to dictate what other people wear unless you are paying for it or they want you to. She isn't a prop for your special day.

My MIL wore black to our wedding because she felt more comfortable wearing black.

Maybe it's just me, but now I've seen the dress I'm ok with this. It's OTT, but then so are lots of things people wear at weddings! The fact there's lots of flesh on show distracts from the dark colour. I bet she's fallen in love with the dress, in the way people do when they only ever get to wear dreamy ballgowns every decade or so at a big occasion. I'd let this slide and let her follow her heart if she really wants to wear this! Family matters, and there's no such thing as a perfect wedding photo. 🙂

That’s actually traditional for the mother of the groom in Spain 😂 that’s exactly what she is supposed to wear for a Spanish wedding

Oh my gosh. Objectively the dress is beautiful, but I am agog that anybody could think it was ideal for a MOB at the wedding you describe.

Do bear in mind that in the US, MOB/G dresses are much more gowny than in the UK. I was v surprised by my (American) MIL's dress at my wedding in the US but it turned out to be 100% culturally appropriate. Black is also an acceptable colour to wear to a wedding there. It's possible that your future MIL was doing her research on Pinterest and didn't realise that the US and the UK have very different styles for this.

Seeing the dress actually makes it so much worse.
I think I gasped out loud.

Is she a fashionable woman? Does she do a lot of high impact dressing?
What is her day to day style like? Does she dress like "the dress" or is it out of the blue?

Maybe if she's not into clothes and lives in dog walking attire like me and she is clueless and thought it was right? Some salesperson in a bridal shop told her she looked amazing?

Oh dear

There you go - she probably searched on Pinterest for appropriate dresses for a MOG/B in Spain and that's what it came back with, so she found one.

I suppose it depends on how Spanish you want the whole thing, then!

The issues of colour palette and the appropriateness of looking like one of the Addam’s Family at her son’s wedding aside, I think you might even lead with the practicality issues.

I don’t know exactly where you’re getting married, but if in Spain, I assume you’ve chosen it for the setting, which I’m guessing is likely to be an old building or maybe a vineyard. I’m picturing old building, narrow spaces, steps, cobbles or a garden patio rocks, dust, cobbles, etc. A dress with a train like that will get stuck on things, stepped on, twisted around something, etc. It’s going to look awful pretty quickly, especially with the light coloured dust in much of arid Spain, and she’s going to fall over.

But they aren't Spanish!

It's a wedding not a photoshoot.

I find it so depressing that so many people prioritise the photos over the real reason for being at a wedding.

@CatamaranViper have you seen the photo of the dress though?

Unfortunately, she can wear whatever she likes, that is not your choice to make. Addams family vibes will be fun though :) Maybe try to get your to be DH to talk to her.

I suppose you could tell her that the dress is objectively beautiful, but you would love to see her in something more summery, in a less mournful colour, like the rest of the wedding party. Not much you can do if she digs her heels in.

There are so many things wrong with it! The train, the black, the boobs!

I’d just flow with it TBH. It will be a hilarious anecdote you dine out on for ages. If you’re getting some photos framed just don’t choose ones with her in it.

or just reply to it ‘it looks a bit like a funeral dress to me! Do you have anything brighter you could wear?’

So? Op seems to be embracing all other things Spanish related - decorating the venue with Valencia oranges (why??), making her bridesmaids wear yellow to match the sun… 🤷🏻‍♀️