AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

"Good Lord, MiL, it's a wedding not a funeral! 😂Seriously, since you asked, {because obviously your reply will be sent all round the family} I think something jollier would be better. How about this {insert links} or this?"

This!
Does she not like you, Op?

My mum did this. She wore all black to our weddjng, WITH A VEIL, and sat at the back of the church, arms folded, face of death. She didn't like that my wife is mixed race, and was openly vocal about it too. What took me by suprise, was the extent of peoples disgust for her. Many of her friends where shocked and appauled, and it was talked about for many months afterwards. It hugely humiliated her in the little village where they live, and many people rallied to show their disapproval. Restored my faith to be honest.

I think let her get on with it. If she's wearing a dramatic black dress, she'll be the one looking silly not you.

Without seeing it it's hard to say if ywbu. However on the face of it I didnt really care what anyone else to my wedding. We also got married in Spain in July so people were generally more casual due to the heat.

My husbands groomswomen both wore black cocktail dresses to my wedding. I neither asked nor cared what they wore.
My MIL looked a million dollars in slate grey and I neither asked nor cared what she wore to my wedding as long as she was there.

I think black would also look amazing.

We went to a wedding last month and honestly, the chicest female guest there was the one dressed in black.

Let her crack on. Don’t try and police your guests by having a colour palette. That’s utterly ridiculous.

is she perhaps thinking it’ll look ‘Spanish’? Black lace, form fitting etc. why not suggest she saves her choice til she gets to Seville, lots of flamenca outfits to choose from…

Is it an evening or black tie wedding? The dress sounds quite chic for that type of do but if it’s a regular wedding she’s going to look like she’s in mourning.

This is why we have photoshop. Any pictures she ruins - edit her out.

'Colour palette' 😳

Let them wear what she wants.

You get to dictate the clothes you are paying for - bridesmaids etc.

After that people can wear what they like.

'Colour palette' 😳

You read my mind!

@op. Do you not have a good relationship. Is this a pointed way of her saying she's mourning the loss of her son?

Is your future MIL Spanish? They have a very different approach when it comes to wedding attire! Black dresses are normal, as are capes, trains and headdresses...

Have a look at some of these:

www.instagram.com/p/DBwh69EM7bX/?igsh=MWt5MTJ1MWF1OGJkNw==

www.instagram.com/p/DBY1NwNtIcF/?igsh=aWZmY3lyeTI4ZnR5

www.instagram.com/reel/DBBA3yHtuLn/?igsh=dGcybzIwMjd0eXh2

No she doesn't hate me, we have an amazing relationship.

She came with me and my mum to pick my wedding dress and I've paid for her to have her hair and makeup done alongside my bridesmaids and mum on the wedding day in the bridal suite,

she's a mother of boys and I wanted to ensure she had an experience she didn't get with the other sons weddings and make her feel included like a mother of the bride would be as I know she won't ever get that chance.

We spend a lot of time together without her son there. I think maybe my reaction wasn't the AMAZING she normally would've got from me and I've pissed her off.

I'm normally so calm and collected, nothing phases me.. but with it being the wedding and I've planned it for a year all on my own, it's tipped me over the edge as I imagined family photos on my wall being stunningly bright and vibrant.

She quoted 'I wanted a dress in keeping with yours with the same style' sorry? NO!

If her choice of attire will spoil the photos, and she is deliberately being malicious, then leave her out of them! Do a traditional one or two, then ask her to step away and redo them without her, and take lots of others too.

Be matter of fact about it, in public: You chose to flout the dress code, and convention, so now we must all work around you.

Send her the ones she's in, and you and everyone else can enjoy all the others.

Black dress is fine in 2025 (if a bit warm in Spain) but a train.....😂

I think I'd just treat this as an obvious joke "black dress is ok but never seen anyone except the bride wear a train at a wedding, are you winding me up? 😂"

I often think OPs concerning guest's outfits are a bit Bridezilla...not in your case. No MOG buys a dress like that unless it's to send a very clear message that she's in mourning.

Having had my own wedding, and been a guest at many, the worst thing you could hope for is everyone to look amazing and for the day to go off without a hitch.

If that happens, your wedding will then blend into every other highly curated, over produced wedding, and all you hard work ends up in a catalogue of "gosh, I don't really remember".

You want people, individuals at your wedding. A few mad dresses, a wild hat or three, something to go wrong, and a lot to go right.

Most of the great reminiscing we do in life Is over the human failures and how life proceeded anyway.

Let your mother in law be herself. Don't ask her to be.

And really remember this; without guests you have no wedding party. If all those people you invite did not spend their hard earned time and money on you and for you, you would not be able to celebrate. So celebrate your guests. Be grateful.

Is she trying to look like a Flamenco dancer? Mistakenly thinking it goes with your theme?

A black dress worn by a MIL is not fine.

Fantastic.

Will she wear a mantilla as well op?

It is in Spain after all...😁

Post the dress so we can see

Yes I think she may be signalling how she really feels about the marriage 👀🫣

Really bizarre choice for her but you may have to suck it up if that's what she wants!

I don't care if Aunt Susan wears black, she won't be at the front of my photos, or any intimate family pictures or at the top table amongst my beautiful vibrant and colourful bridal party and florals.

I only really am interested in my bridesmaids, groomsman, fathers and mothers and of course what me and my husband to be are wearing, because in my opinion that's the wedding party and it's completely different in my opinion!