To tell family member that her husband is sending me nudes?

[5FeetToBeExact]

Hi all,

I'll preface this by saying DH's family are very toxic. This couple for this thread are his god parents and also his uncle (blood) and aunt (through marriage.)

They've always overstepped, been overly involved and just a pain in the arse. But I always kept it polite, kept up with the once a year visit and that was that. They are all heavy drinkers and a few of the family are alcoholics, so it's not something we really enjoy being around but I leave that to DH mostly.

A few years back I completely pulled back as I felt uncomfortable. DH's uncle sent me a picture of his shrivelled 60 year old dick. Waist down. He then quickly said 'sorry that wasn't for you.' I messaged him back saying please don't ever send me anything like that again. He proceeded to delete the image, and said 'no, I'll leave the rest to your imagination ;)'. I then said 'be glad I didn't see it.' I did, I just didn't want him to know that. He then offered to send it again so I could get another look. I then blocked him and haven't heard from either of them since.

I told my DH who was furious. We kept it to ourselves as the family are big drinkers and can do no wrong.

I received a call last night, with a furious aunt on the phone. Saying how selfish we are not to facilitate a relationship with them and our 4 year old DD. That I am selfish, I manipulate everybody and that I have taken their precious god son and nephew away. I was aghast at some of the things they said, but I ended the call and told them not to contact me again. DH has gone apeshit and has my back completely.
His stance is to send her the screenshots or the messages, with a short 'this is why we aren't comfortable around all of you, as well as the alcohol' and block. I am tempted to do this, as the names I were called last night and the things said were unforgivable. I would also want to know if I was her that her husband was sending dick pics to people 40 years his junior!

AIBU to send the messages and be done? Or is this asking for trouble? At advice please. Thank you!

Why wouldn’t you?

Why protect a sex predator?

send them - block and move on with your life with them nowhere near it

Do it. You've got nothing to lose. Fuck em.

I guess my reservation is that it's always the messenger (or victim) who gets shot.

And also because they are unpredictable alcoholics.

I was leaning towards sending them anyway, just needed a bit of encouragement. Thank you!

Send. Truth is good. Secrets protect perpetrators.
Well done cutting them out of your life.

F×ck it, tell em. My guess is -he's done this before and he will do it again.

Your husband should be the one to send them. You'll get accused of encouraging him. It always happens, the woman gets the blame. Then he needs to deal with his family going forward completely.

Well if you're going to send them, send them to everybody. It's not your shame, it's his. Let him deal with the fall out.

Send the screenshots. He's a nasty old perv who deserves to be exposed. Alcohol dependent or not, they need to know why you have backed off from them.

Yeah, i wouldn't be able to let that go OP.

Send it. You don't want a relationship with them anyway. I would also tell them that you consider the matter closed. If however you hear anything from a 3rd party that they have been saying you are at anyway at fault for the breakdown in the relationship you will not hesitate to set the matter straight publicly to everyone, and provide proof.

Agree send them then go NC. No good can come from being around/having DC around them even if it is only occasional.

Yeah, you should tell her and shame the nasty perv. You haven't mentioned anything up til now, but I think this is one step too far - send screenshots and let them crack on

Bring everything out into the open.

Then block and go no contact.

This is their problem.
Do not allow them to make it yours.

Yep. Pretty much this!

Yes, send them and block. You don't need shit like that in your life.

Yes send them! Probably best to get your husband to send them though. I would also send them to everyone so they all know what he’s like.

Send them to her. She needs to know her dh is a disgusting perv. Also, it's the principle of it--if women don't expose men when they do nasty, disgusting things, they will keep doing them.

Ya I'd tell DH to send it and block them on all platforms, blow the whole thing up once and for all and be done with the lot of them. And if anyone else comes whinging at you about you being mean block them immediately too, ye don't need any of these weirdos or excuse makers for weirdos around your child or yourselves.

I don’t know.

he is a dirty pervert - but she sounds just as bad, in a different way. She phone up, not to build bridges, but to scream at you that you are a selfish manipulator.

if you send the screen shots, you imply that he’s the problem and you might be ok seeing her.

Personally I’d keep the screenshots and say nothing. You don’t actually have the dick pic do you, as he deleted it? So you have texts about a picture, but no proof of having received it? I wouldn’t get into it with a pair of aggressive pervy alcoholics.

I'd send the screen shots to a family (18+) WhatsApp group with reference to her ranting and raving, a copy of the texts and a request they never contact you again. It would ofcourse be far better coming from DHs account though. Bring the whole thing into the open and then retreat and block anyone who kicks off.

I agree with this. This is what I was worried about! I'll speak to DH and see if he will send them. I'm sure he would as he was advocating sending them anyway.

I would absolutely send the screen shots.

I do have proof the image was sent as it says 'this image has been unsent by the sender' or something along those lines. It was on FB messenger.

That was my first thought, he should do the sending, then they'll know that you both know and not try to twist it.

legally do not sent the screenshots. You can get done for revenge porn. Get DH to show her in real life instead.

Was just about to come on to say be mindful of the law on re-sharing indecent images but a pp has beat me to it. I am not an expert, but I wouldn't take the risk. They sound vindictive enough to get you both in a whole world of trouble potentially.