To tell family member that her husband is sending me nudes?

[5FeetToBeExact]

Hi all,

I'll preface this by saying DH's family are very toxic. This couple for this thread are his god parents and also his uncle (blood) and aunt (through marriage.)

They've always overstepped, been overly involved and just a pain in the arse. But I always kept it polite, kept up with the once a year visit and that was that. They are all heavy drinkers and a few of the family are alcoholics, so it's not something we really enjoy being around but I leave that to DH mostly.

A few years back I completely pulled back as I felt uncomfortable. DH's uncle sent me a picture of his shrivelled 60 year old dick. Waist down. He then quickly said 'sorry that wasn't for you.' I messaged him back saying please don't ever send me anything like that again. He proceeded to delete the image, and said 'no, I'll leave the rest to your imagination ;)'. I then said 'be glad I didn't see it.' I did, I just didn't want him to know that. He then offered to send it again so I could get another look. I then blocked him and haven't heard from either of them since.

I told my DH who was furious. We kept it to ourselves as the family are big drinkers and can do no wrong.

I received a call last night, with a furious aunt on the phone. Saying how selfish we are not to facilitate a relationship with them and our 4 year old DD. That I am selfish, I manipulate everybody and that I have taken their precious god son and nephew away. I was aghast at some of the things they said, but I ended the call and told them not to contact me again. DH has gone apeshit and has my back completely.
His stance is to send her the screenshots or the messages, with a short 'this is why we aren't comfortable around all of you, as well as the alcohol' and block. I am tempted to do this, as the names I were called last night and the things said were unforgivable. I would also want to know if I was her that her husband was sending dick pics to people 40 years his junior!

AIBU to send the messages and be done? Or is this asking for trouble? At advice please. Thank you!

I'm guessing the aunt didn't know about the dick pick and is hopefully yelling at him about it. He'll play it down and she'll then try and say it was a mistake or joke.

I'd hold your ground. He sounds repulsive.

People like them absolutely disgust me. Let's hope you never hear from them again.
So glad your DH has your back!

Well it's all gone a bit tits up.

I've received threats of violence, I've been getting calls (me not DH!) from withheld numbers. I unfortunately have to answer them as more often than not they're the hospital ringing about my heart condition.

Today I got threats of having my face smashed in if I walk outside my front door. Luckily (very lucky!!) DH recorded the conversation as straight away he could hear where it was going. I have logged it with 101 and someone is due to come out to see us this evening or tomorrow morning to take a statement.

Yeah, I'm glad these people aren't around my little girl for sure. I don't regret DH telling them, as it's brought this side out of them which is a good thing. I know I need to keep us and DD away.

Bloody he'll @5FeetToBeExact! That's shocking behaviour from them. I hope the police take it seriously and tell them to cease and desist in no uncertain terms.
Terrible people. Take care of yourself, won't you?

Oh no, op. 🥺 They are absolutely vile. Good it was recorded and hopefully the police will be able to warn them or something. Absolutely horrible for you.

With any luck thd Muppets will phone while the Police are with you. I hope they are able to do something and, obviously, hope you stay safe 🤗

Well you expected something so at least you had started to prepare yourself.

i am disgusted but sadly not surprised after everything you have wrote so far.

do not drop this, insist the police take this forward and tell them about the picture also.

well done for recording, keep doing that. Make sure you have a record of everything but also I want you to start writing down every time (with the date and time) they call or message or any other contact etc so you have a list to show police etc it shows the reality and the severity better than saying it to someone.

Can you buy a cheap 2nd phone and give the only the hospital that number so you know if it rings you can answer safely?

In my experience, these types always escalate. There’s no way they accept being wrong, so escalation is the only option.
Sorry, but as you say, good to know you made right decision.
Have you got home security?

Oh jeez just read the thread and seen your update op. You've definitely made the right call.

I must say it makes a refreshing change to see a dh that has your back and sees his family for what they are.

Glad you can all stay away from them going forwards.

Recording calls if you have to answer is a good idea.

Tell them about the unwanted dick pic also op!
these people need to be far away your family and the public..

Christ almighty. What is the matter with people?! Keep recording whenever you answer the phone. Make sure the police take this seriously!

I'm gobsmacked everyone isn't mortified! I'm sorry you're going through this! I assume the wife is accusing you of lying/making it up/leading him on etc?

Good for you for now calling them out and reporting

I'm a male and find this totally crazy that people behave this way, who even sends a nude picture to someone. Just cut them out, I cut ANYONE out who causes regular undue stress, I work in a stressful environment so don't need it and have a sister who has never worked and causes so much drama and is a pisshead and drug taker and my mother consistently justified it (a enabler) so for my own peace I cut my sister, mother and father (even before this) out for a few years now just cut them out, block their numbers and forget about them. Simple.

Holy shit ... good for you both for reporting them. Hope you're OK. Keep a record of everything, sounds like you might need to. Take care.

Depending on when that was sent it’s a criminal offence.

Cut contact, thank goodness your husband is decent.

Just imagine if your child had picked up your phone. I'd not only let her know I'd also make it clear that if anything else.like that ever happens you will be informing the police. That man shouldn't be around you or your kids. So you are totally right to be livid

Wow, I'm so sorry you have all this going on, @5FeetToBeExact
I hope it all soon blows over & you have PEACE.

Who's threatening, uncle, aunt or both?

I would what a scumbag

@5FeetToBeExact Defintely do what you can to get the police to take it seriously. So pleased your husband managed to record the call.
Do also tell them the background re: the dick pic too, it's critical that they understand that.
Good luck to you.

Be careful, alcoholics can be vengeful and agressive. Yes to letting your husband show the pics to your sister-in-law personally

Do you have a Ring (cctv) doorbell at your home? I’d recommend getting one if not so should anyone appear at your door (or try to damage your property) it’s all recorded (plus you can avoid opening the door to these abusers).

Plus if anyone else your family/friends circle tries to make excuses for their vile behaviour, make it clear you’re not going to defend your actions in response to two abusers.

I am glad you've realised it was sent intentionally as that is 100% obvious.

Get your husband to send them. It’s his family. But 💯 send them.