To tell family member that her husband is sending me nudes?

[5FeetToBeExact]

Hi all,

I'll preface this by saying DH's family are very toxic. This couple for this thread are his god parents and also his uncle (blood) and aunt (through marriage.)

They've always overstepped, been overly involved and just a pain in the arse. But I always kept it polite, kept up with the once a year visit and that was that. They are all heavy drinkers and a few of the family are alcoholics, so it's not something we really enjoy being around but I leave that to DH mostly.

A few years back I completely pulled back as I felt uncomfortable. DH's uncle sent me a picture of his shrivelled 60 year old dick. Waist down. He then quickly said 'sorry that wasn't for you.' I messaged him back saying please don't ever send me anything like that again. He proceeded to delete the image, and said 'no, I'll leave the rest to your imagination ;)'. I then said 'be glad I didn't see it.' I did, I just didn't want him to know that. He then offered to send it again so I could get another look. I then blocked him and haven't heard from either of them since.

I told my DH who was furious. We kept it to ourselves as the family are big drinkers and can do no wrong.

I received a call last night, with a furious aunt on the phone. Saying how selfish we are not to facilitate a relationship with them and our 4 year old DD. That I am selfish, I manipulate everybody and that I have taken their precious god son and nephew away. I was aghast at some of the things they said, but I ended the call and told them not to contact me again. DH has gone apeshit and has my back completely.
His stance is to send her the screenshots or the messages, with a short 'this is why we aren't comfortable around all of you, as well as the alcohol' and block. I am tempted to do this, as the names I were called last night and the things said were unforgivable. I would also want to know if I was her that her husband was sending dick pics to people 40 years his junior!

AIBU to send the messages and be done? Or is this asking for trouble? At advice please. Thank you!

@5FeetToBeExact I agree with some of the other posters, your DH needs to be the one who sends the messages/tells them to fuck off etc. Much better for them to understand that you and he are a team and it is both of you cutting contact

Yes, he should definitely send them.

I thought that's what he was offering to do when you said His stance is to send her the screenshots or the messages, with a short 'this is why we aren't comfortable around all of you, as well as the alcohol'

Let him get on with his stance.

Sounds like the photo is no longer in the message but the intention will be clear

He won't get done for 'revenge porn' as the context makes it very clear that it isn't.

Do it, but please post the fallout here.

You can't distribute the images to other people, it's illegal. It's illegal to share intimate images without consent, or with the intent to cause distress, alarm, or humiliation.

You can tell them that you do not want to be involved with them and your reasons why but don't give them ammunition to turn it around where you have done something wrong.

People are missing that the OP doesn't have the indecent message. Just messages referencing it. I'd leave your DH to tell his family the reasons why there will be no further contact with this aunt and uncle.

I wouldn’t count on that though, and they sound toxic enough to report the DH if he does do this. They would be images of a person who hadn’t consented to them being distributed so I think he shouldn’t risk it.

If the messages get sent, DH needs to do it. Otherwise, you'll be branded as a shit stirrer and the one to blame, as @gamerchick says

I would do as your husband suggests as think he’s right.

The image has been deleted so there's no revenge porn.

Just block them and let DH deal with it.

As the image has been deleted, send the screen shots of the conversation, tell her they are lucky you didn't report his crime to the police, then tell them you never want anything to do with them ever again, then block.

Some men should never have been given access to phones with cameras 🤢

Be careful. As crazy as it sounds, sending obscene images is an offence, so you sending them back would be the same offence as him sending them in the first place.

I would not send the dick pics because they are both whackadoos and all that is going to come out of it is craziness.

It's not like this lunatic is going to say 'O my husband is a pervert, I am so sorry and of course he is evicted from my life and I am so grateful to you for telling me'. It's more likely to be 'What the hell have you been doing with my husband you hussy'.

They haven't got the photo, just the messages

That won't be illegal

Fuck it, do it. Expose him.

THEY HAVEN'T GOT THE PHOTO!

For those at the back.

It’s a short step from ‘uncle’ who sends nudes to you, to ‘uncle’ who acts inappropriately with your daughter.

I think you and DH should just make a formal complaint to the police. What a grub.

Just a query here - also because I know it is academic because OP no longer has the photos - but can it be revenge porn or illegal if you are sending BACK the same image as someone sent to you? ie, you are sending them their own pictures?

They will absolutely know this man is a perv and won't thank you for shining a light on it.
I can see why you would want to send this proof and maybe you should but do it in the full knowledge that they will double down and it could blow up on you.
Families like this don't much like anyone who holds a mirror up to them
Its good that your DH has your back, in so many cases like this it's not the case.
Just keep blocking and ignoring the lot of them

It's not a particularly long or complex OP, I don't understand why people can't read it properly.

Although I'm also not sure why you pretended you hadn't seen it because you didn't want him to know you had, when you'd already said "please don't ever send me anything like that again" before he deleted it. So he clearly knew you had seen it?

I bloody would send it, I would have done it in a fury whilst she was on the phone shouting and swearing at me. They are hideous people get rid.

I would send the picture of the messaged minus the pic and tell her she is lucky her filthy pervert of a husband wasn't reported to the police but if she continues to harass then he will be.