To tell family member that her husband is sending me nudes?

[5FeetToBeExact]

Hi all,

I'll preface this by saying DH's family are very toxic. This couple for this thread are his god parents and also his uncle (blood) and aunt (through marriage.)

They've always overstepped, been overly involved and just a pain in the arse. But I always kept it polite, kept up with the once a year visit and that was that. They are all heavy drinkers and a few of the family are alcoholics, so it's not something we really enjoy being around but I leave that to DH mostly.

A few years back I completely pulled back as I felt uncomfortable. DH's uncle sent me a picture of his shrivelled 60 year old dick. Waist down. He then quickly said 'sorry that wasn't for you.' I messaged him back saying please don't ever send me anything like that again. He proceeded to delete the image, and said 'no, I'll leave the rest to your imagination ;)'. I then said 'be glad I didn't see it.' I did, I just didn't want him to know that. He then offered to send it again so I could get another look. I then blocked him and haven't heard from either of them since.

I told my DH who was furious. We kept it to ourselves as the family are big drinkers and can do no wrong.

I received a call last night, with a furious aunt on the phone. Saying how selfish we are not to facilitate a relationship with them and our 4 year old DD. That I am selfish, I manipulate everybody and that I have taken their precious god son and nephew away. I was aghast at some of the things they said, but I ended the call and told them not to contact me again. DH has gone apeshit and has my back completely.
His stance is to send her the screenshots or the messages, with a short 'this is why we aren't comfortable around all of you, as well as the alcohol' and block. I am tempted to do this, as the names I were called last night and the things said were unforgivable. I would also want to know if I was her that her husband was sending dick pics to people 40 years his junior!

AIBU to send the messages and be done? Or is this asking for trouble? At advice please. Thank you!

Well done OP. Glad DH is backing you.

She needs to know! Def send it

But then there’s the issue of exactly who he did intend to send it to. Unless it was his wife, he still has some explaining to do.

There’s something to this. If OP and her DH cut them off without explanation and they demand one, then the simple answer to the wife is ‘ask your husband’.

The short answer is, it isn't. Sending back an unsolicited (or even consensual) nude to the sender of that nude is in no way, shape or form 'revenge porn'.

OP how awful for you. I hope you decide on something that feels right and that you and DH can move on with your life.

I would say though, that creepy men have got away with this kind of sh*t for way too long. They often rely on women to do their dirty work of pretending it didn't happen, not rocking the boat (you) and covering up and defending them (your DH aunt/relative). My feeling is that this has to stop! No more protecting predatory and awful men, alcohol or no alcohol.

Good luck.

If you are going to send them.
possible first move is to write it

Dear blah
We have been put in a situation that will be uncomfortable for you as it is for us. X has messaged Y with inappropriate explicit photos. In light of this behavior, we have chosen to avoid contact for our family’s safety.

I believe that it is possibly a criminal act for me to send them to you, so I might chose to take legal advice if you request the photos.

Please respect our decision.

Sounds like this has done you a favour. They sound awful. Luckily for you your DH is 100% on your side so I'd just distance yourselves from all of them. If someone presses it and insists on some sort of explanation or showdown then say 'okay, well you did ask. Don't blame us if you don't like what you are about to hear.'

But the issue here is that they can’t share it with his wife. Who needs to know.

No way was it an accident! Nobody who did that by mistake would offer to resend it to somebody who hadn't seen it. Any normal person would be absolutely mortified and praying it was true that the recipient hadn't looked at it.

Unfortunately I would be labelled as a liar and a manipulator if I didn't send them. I didn't want to risk that any further

I see from your update that the messages have been sent now, but without the image they'll probably try to brand you a liar anyway ... as a PP suggested, "it was sent by accident and the other messages were banter to defuse the awkwardness"

Fortunately few with any sense will believe that, so hopefully they'll pipe down now and you can get on with your life in peace

Well done to your DH for contacting the aunt! It's good that he's got your back and hopefully you can both move on and forget about that sleaze bag now

Well done both you and your husband.

You dont need these vile toxic people in your life..

Unsolicited dick pics are a crime in Scotland.. is it the same where you are OP?

I absolutely would, but I think this has to come from and be led by your Dh, not you.

I’m NC with my family because of a sexual predator and his enabler partner and I can tell you that the silence is absolute bliss!

Good on you both for sending. They sound disgusting

Is this technically true?
What that dirty old man did was illegal, you can not send unsolicited sexual material to someone online or using social media. See article:https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-essex-68279259.amp

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/cyberflashing-to-become-a-criminal-offence

I would have reported him to the police when it happened. You still can.

If you are receiving unsolicited nude pics, it’s a criminal offence. I’d report it to the police. Whatever you do, do NOT forward them as you become guilty of circulating pornography/nudes without their consent and could end up being prosecuted. Go to the police and let them sort it out.

Time was, I would keep my rap shut about stuff like this but no more.

He has handed you a gift on a plate and a great reason to stay the fuck away from these horrible people.

How dare they berate you when they are so base and vile themselves?

Without outing him too much, he was on a deck chair, with his wife sat next to him.

I really don't think it was for his wife.

There’s something to this. If OP and her DH cut them off without explanation and they demand one, then the simple answer to the wife is ‘ask your husband’.'

@Rosscameasdoody

We did, and they demanded (both) an answer last night when I had numerous calls and messages.

I know, it's a bit rich isn't it!

Well since the message / screenshot has been sent, it's been radio silent to my surprise!

I don't think that'll be the case for long though..

I bet you won’t hear anything further! 😂

He's exposed himself to you via the phone, why would you let your child anywhere near a creature like that in real life?!