DD being petulant over DGP visit (18yo)

[Norzilla]

So I invited DGP over ( 78yo ) for Christmas this year. They went to DB last year. If they don't come here they will be alone this year. DD is outraged to have them here despite no real reason for it. She is 18yo at uni locally and still at home.
Tonight I had a huge row, explained DGP might only live another 15 years and least she can be is kind and empathetic to me and them. Much stropping ensued! DGP have their own room but will use the bathroom. I told her she was being rude and a brat. AIBU?

Just ignore her.

What?

Why is she being like this? What is her issue with DGP?

☕️ that sounds extremely annoying.

Did you mean that a 78yo might only live another 15 years? It might have been more accurate to say only another 5 years. 15 is very optimistic (sorry). Elderly people can die pretty suddenly as well.

Is there a problem with him/her using the bathroom? Is it usually

Is it usually a bathroom only for your dd?

You are not at all unreasonable. She is being very selfish, and you are right to tell her off.

Does she think she'll have to stay home and spend time with them she'd rather spend catching up with school friends who are home from Uni/hanging out with B(or G)F, going clubbing?

And 15 is very optimistic. 5-10 is closer.

Definitely not. Your DD should catch herself on. It is definitely not normal to have this attitude. I've got 5 kids aged 19-27 and although it impinges a bit on "normal proceedings" mine are in their 80s, one with dementia, and yeah, unless there is a backstory, this is brattish and entitled in the extreme. 18 year olds can be difficult and want things their way, so some slack is needed, but actually just no. If she can't bear to see her GP at Christmas, she can spend it with a friend (who will probably have their GP around). xx

That's very unkind of DD. Your parent (M or D?) would probably love to spend Christmas with their beloved DD and DGD.

Unless there's some problem with the grandparent that you've not said?

Is there a back story?

Is DD ND and needs routine and predictability? Have DGP rubbed DD up the wrong way? Will she be expected to give up a room for them? I feel like her reaction is OTT but need more info really.

@295bkq you knew the poster meant, stop being so pedantic. And yes, some 78 year olds can survive another 15 years, many have done before.

15 years?😳

What a great daughter you are to the grandparents! Bless you.
Ignore her, refuse to discuss any longer.

Then if she keeps up the arguing, Tell her you "have half a mind to invite them to stay longer"! When she says "You wouldn't!!" 😭 Say to her: "Try me!" Then follow through.

Maybe she needs to move out? Talk about selfish! My kids would have loved to have their gps but they'd lost my parents by the time the eldest was 9!

What is actually wrong with her??!

Umm what is her problem?? Every meal time would be sharing a story about grandma from now on, and say I hope you have some of these that your rude ungrateful child doesn’t want to hear. I hope she pulls her weight with chores and strips her own bed etc too, she would be now in my house.

There must be more to the story here of DD throwing a strop “for no reason”.

How many days/nights will they be staying?

Is DD sociable? Or more reserved?

Are the GP’s overbearing at all? Treat her like a
child rather than an adult now?

Any type of fallout/situations in the past?

Are they the type to be non-PC/rude/racist? (Because my 80yo GP’s can be at times, as much as I love them)

Could something have happened that you don't know about?

That is a bizzare mind thought. Really rather than wondering what on earth is happening, you'll make her miserable and chuck her out?

Ignore her, if she acts up again tell her, it's your house so your rules and you can invite who you like without having to check with her, so be to be quiet and stop acting like a brat.

Unless there is a really reasonable back story, I would not be impressed and giving your dd short shrift.

Is there a backstory? Is she usually so rude?

15 years is a bit of a stretch. At 78 this could easily be her last Christmas . I'd be giving your daughter a sharp talking-to.

Our family generally lives to late 90’s .

You say “despite no real reason for it.”

If DD was asked, what would she say is the reason?

Is it in character for your DD to be rude and petulant? If not, then might she perhaps have a valid (to her) reason for reacting this way? Did you ask or just assume her reasons were not valid?

Also, how you ask matters because you could ask accusatorially immediately making someone feel defensive or you could ask with genuine curiosity and openness which might get you an answer closer to truth.

Not saying you’re wrong here by the way, but if it was my DD and her reaction was out of character to a close family member my first reaction would be genuine curiosity rather than immediately assume she was being unreasonable.

Also, she’s at uni and could have all sorts of pressures and goings on that make her prickly and unreasonable to the outside world. I know I did and was perhaps not yet as emotionally ready to deal with everything which resulted in me being a bit harsher than I meant or wanted to be with those closest to me, I could’ve really done with a hug and a listening ear rather than immediate push back.