DD being petulant over DGP visit (18yo)

[Norzilla]

So I invited DGP over ( 78yo ) for Christmas this year. They went to DB last year. If they don't come here they will be alone this year. DD is outraged to have them here despite no real reason for it. She is 18yo at uni locally and still at home.
Tonight I had a huge row, explained DGP might only live another 15 years and least she can be is kind and empathetic to me and them. Much stropping ensued! DGP have their own room but will use the bathroom. I told her she was being rude and a brat. AIBU?

I’d be furious if my teens tried to tell me who can come to my own home. Especially if it’s their own grandparents and they’d be on their own. Cleary zero compassion from her.

Is there a backstory? Are they difficult to be around?

My kids wouldn’t want their grandparents to spend Xmas with us either. It would be a very different dynamic which wouldn’t be enjoyable.

She’s a rude madam . No way would she be telling me who I could have in my house or not. So entitled.

Oh what Christmas cheer

The people who don't want grandparents or elderly parents around should really think about what their Christmases are going to be like when they're old. They are teaching their children that they won't have to bother with those older family members. Everybody, if they're lucky, gets old including unpleasant 18 year olds.

I'd tell her it's your home and you'll invite who you like, if DD doesn't like it she's welcome to go elsewhere for Christmas 🤷‍♀️

I would want to know the reasons for this reaction, so would look to sit down and hear her out. Unless she is always rude and unkind this is unusual.

Is there any possibility of previous abuse ? Is she in contact with them regularly through her childhood ? Has that changed since she became more independent? How is she when around them ? Do you have a good relationship with her? Would she open up to you if something had happened in the family ?

What a pathetic young lady, childish too
Why not show her this thread? She needs to learn some manners and understnd that you are the adult and will determine who does and does not stay in your home.

Just ignore. Why would you even give it headspace.

For such a strong reaction there must be a reason for it.
Have you asked her why she doesn’t want them there?
We all know not all elderly people are sweet and kind.

Or in some cases, the parents/ grandparents need to think why they’re not wanted.

We used to have an elderly relative some years for Xmas because she was a lovely person, very caring and added positive things to the day and our life in general. My children lived her very much. Our, their GPs parents...not so much.

I’m teaching my children to have people in your life who add to it, who care and are kind. By not having their GPs there, I’m teaching them to not put up with people who are negative influences and make everything about themselves, just because they’re family or happen to be elderly now. They were arseholes years ago when they were younger and they’re still arseholes now they’re elderly.

This.
I know how she feels. In my time, the only choice was to keep quiet to survive, when unwanted people were thrusted upon me.

What a wee brat. No more presents from her DGPs now!

So no good reason given, but you mention your DGP will use the bathroom so it sounds like your daughter doesn't want an old person's "cooties" in the shared bathroom then? Or maybe fears her DGP will be in there a bit too long, or leave evidence of their visit?

She has to grow up and stop being so precious. Your DGP might live another 15 years (optimistically) but it's possible that the remaining years when they will actually be able to come and visit you are far fewer. Once they can't manage stairs or need to be within 30 secs of a toilet or have mobility problems or need to be careful with the foods they eat, they will not want to uproot themselves from home. The decline can be fast and unforgiving. Your daughter can choose to behave in a civilised manner for both your sakes, or go to your DB / a friend for Christmas. Those are the 2 choices on offer and if she continues to complain you'll make the choice for her.

Yup. Petulant, entitled arsehole. Can you send her back - anywhere? Not suggesting womb but anywhere else that would take her but from your post, I doubt anyone would accept her with open arms. The moment you'd suggest Granny has offered Car / Pony / pet of any description she'd stop her pouting.

Oh come off it, there must be some bloody reason for her to react this way. 🙄

Do you know why she has an issue? I would have been like this at 18 too. Thirty years on, I’m having therapy to deal with my abusive GF’s behaviour. I wish my mother had listened to me when I told her I didn’t want to see him.

I used to loathe visits from an elderly relative. There was no peace while she was in the house because she’d criticise EVERYTHING I did and expect attention all the time. I think you need to get to the bottom of why your daughter is so angry.

Your daughter is a brat.

Urgh wouldn’t be impressed by that at all. I would also say a few sharp words.

How have they been as grandparents? My parents have been loving and involved for years as a result our same age as your teens love them. They actively want them here for Christmas. Dh parents much more hands off. They get a luje warm response but no actual exception taken to their presence at Christmas.

Both my parents dropped dead with no notice. My mum was 67 and dad 77.
15 years is very optimistic.

(I've always hated any house guests too, but you suck it up)

Ffs. The posters that assume the worst get on my tits - do you really think parent would have knowingly put her in danger? Hoik your bosoms and clutch pearls in tandem. There's always going to be some sort of get out clause for sulky 18 year old child. Are people suggesting that parents had somehow missed GFP inappropriate behaviour? I'm sure she'll complain when the Amazon gift card fails to arrive and she can't get latest Shein crap.

I don't think much can be achieved through name calling and losing tempers.
Calling your DD a brat is unreasonable, yes.
Allowing the situation to escalate makes things harder.
However hard calm rational conversations are usually best.

What is your DDs reason for not wanting her grandmother to stay? Is she coming for two days or two weeks? Is there previous history in their relationship?
Not all grandmothers are rosy sweet with flour covered aprons.