DD being petulant over DGP visit (18yo)

[Norzilla]

So I invited DGP over ( 78yo ) for Christmas this year. They went to DB last year. If they don't come here they will be alone this year. DD is outraged to have them here despite no real reason for it. She is 18yo at uni locally and still at home.
Tonight I had a huge row, explained DGP might only live another 15 years and least she can be is kind and empathetic to me and them. Much stropping ensued! DGP have their own room but will use the bathroom. I told her she was being rude and a brat. AIBU?

Yep… I’m 52 and I will be lucky to make Christmas with my kids.

What reasons did she give you for not wanting them to stay?

From childhood we always had at least a couple of family members around for Christmas, my DM didn't want them to be alone on Christmas day. Sometimes you need to put other people first, a lesson your DD needs to learn

I think jumping to calling her a brat is ott - there must be a reason why she’s reacted like this. Most people like or even adore their grandparents - I would and did prefer spending time with them more than my own parents. In fact, I didn’t know it at the time but 18 was the last Xmas I spent with them. By the following one, they’d both died (sorry to be depressing!). For her to not want to spend this one day a year with them sounds fairly significant at her age.

I would be telling her to sod off and make her own Christmas arrangements elsewhere.

I can't believe how this thread is irritating the hell out of me. If she was my 18 year old 'child' I'd be telling her to piss off somewhere else. I'd rather spend the time with my parent rather than entitled brat. When will you set boundaries? I bet if GP offered to fund something she'd be all sweetness and light.

I’m quite shocked at the vitriolic responses aimed at the DD by some posters.

We have very little info here. She might have specific difficulties going on in her life, she might be a brat, or the DGP might be an aggressive alcoholic/misogynist/racist/homophobe.

Until @Norzilla gives us more info, it’s really impossible to know who, if anyone, is BU

Is your mother rude to your daughter? If not, tell her that your mum is coming and that's that.

As someone who's just lost their mum I'd give anything to have another Christmas with her.

Its odd that she should have an issue with this for no reason.
But please stop with the "not got long to live" nonsense, its emotional blackmail, MIL tries it all the time but we ignore it.

We can only take the OP's post a face value until more is revealed

Good on all of you for pointing out OP clearly meant the oldies will only live another five years - very important she knows 15 years is unrealistic

@Norzilla your daughter IS being rude and a brat. Unless she can articulate like an adult why this is upsetting her she can like it or lump it.

Some posters are absolutely vile!

We have such limited information as OP hadn't followed up but posters here have made DD into a grabby, cruel, spiteful, unkind bitch just because she's upset her DGP are coming.

As has been said, there are many reasons she might feel that way from ones which could be addressed with "your DGP are coming but it doesn't change your plans, so long as you aren't disturbing them coming in late and are here for Christmas dinner. We'll still have some time together too" to "look, I know Grandad says things which aren't acceptable now and make you uncomfortable but he's old and doesn't know better. Just ignore him" to "they used to do what when you were a child? I'm so sorry, let's talk this through more and of course I won't make you stay with them".

But, sure OP, don't find out the reason and support her. Just call her names/kick her out/cut her off/invalidate her opinions or any of the other vile things here. I'm sure you won't then find yourself alone at Christmas when you're 78 and she refuses to talk to you

My DM died at 76 and my DF's dementia now so advanced at 80 that he can't leave his care home. Tell DD to count her blessings - she should be ashamed of herself.

Why doesn’t she want GP over? I sense there must be a backstory here otherwise there would be no reason for the outburst

For God's sake, there's so much bloody hysteria on here. The poster who called this teen an arsehole needs to look closer to home.
Yup, she's being stroppy and selfish. It goes with the territory. She probably imagined a super relaxed Christmas at home, and this is going to change that.
I'm sure she'll get over it and act like a good host!
Her initial reaction is a snapshot and not something worthy of a character assassination.

@Norzilla why is she not a petulant little madam?

We don’t have enough information to judge what she is or isn’t. The grandparents may be very difficult people, the daughter may be ND and genuinely can’t deal with change over Christmas, or she may just be spoilt. Absolutely zero idea based on the first post and the op not updating. It is very unusual at 18 for a teen/near adult to have this reaction to family visit over Christmas, it’s difficult to take at face value that she’s simply stropping.

I'd be the same as her. I don't like house guests, house is too small and only one proper bathroom.
Last time someone stayed over it was for 3 days and I had to bunk down with the kids and no one slept well, it was all just a pain.

One night I find ok but any longer and I'm very uncomfortable.
Would be too unrelaxing over Xmas.

There must be more to this anyway. What's the set up and why does she feel this way

Unless she doesn't like them for some reason. I couldn't have cared less when my Grandparents died.
Not all GP's are nice

I think for many reasons you should sit down with your daughter and try and figure out what exactly is bothering her about her GP being over.

"DD, I'm trying to understand your point of view, please tell me what's on your mind. Why the reaction to GP staying over? Is it just that it's inconvenient? Or something more serious?"

Its your daughters home too. Rather than tell her that her GP is coming to stay, couldn't you have asked her what she thought and talked through options and length of stay?

My only living DGP has been given 3-6 months to live at 89 years old.

Was she hoping for a quiet Christmas just the two (?) of you?

Will she be forced to keep GP company?

Seems odd when the alternative would be GP being alone.

What a nasty little brat.

It's all the grandparents, either thinking about it from their own perspective or taking their own family frustrations out on her.