DD being petulant over DGP visit (18yo)

[Norzilla]

So I invited DGP over ( 78yo ) for Christmas this year. They went to DB last year. If they don't come here they will be alone this year. DD is outraged to have them here despite no real reason for it. She is 18yo at uni locally and still at home.
Tonight I had a huge row, explained DGP might only live another 15 years and least she can be is kind and empathetic to me and them. Much stropping ensued! DGP have their own room but will use the bathroom. I told her she was being rude and a brat. AIBU?

If you're only 18 yourself then 15 years is ages so not sure of the emotional force of that argument.

However she is being extremely unreasonable.

Surely op would know if her Mum was a negative arsehole, rather than being mystified by her dd’s response?
There’s nothing to suggest that it’s in any way justified.

I think children/teenagers need to be made more aware that their Grandmothers are their mothers Mothers!!!!!

I think the OP which deals entirely on the "duty" aspect of the visit (DB had them last year) and using emotional blackmail to convince (they will otherwise be on their own; they won't live much longer) suggests that OP probably does have more than an inking as to why DD thinks as she does. I wonder if OP's view is that if she has to lump it, then so does DD?

There is tellingly no mention of the grandparent being lovely, of DD (and OP) getting on well with them, the visit being enjoyable, it being a pleasure to have extended family round at Christmas etc.

It's all about how DD should "be kind".

Yes, that does sound fair enough…

There's more to this, as there always is with an outburst that's out of character.

What is your relationship like with this DGP?

Did you show any calm curiosity to your DD when she had this response before you called her a rude brat, and if so what did she say?

This, quite disconcerting the bile and hate fired at the DD whilst no back story from the OP! Although if the GP and DM are anything like these posters, kicking her out, telling her she's not wanted, a brat, a bitch..
No wonder she won't want to see the GP!

There is also no evidence of the daughter being lovely
She needs to think forward that one day she might be old and you reep what you sow and all that

Oh, you do have some point, but come on!
😂🙄

She won't have any real understanding of the concept of aging at her age. Did you at 18?

Very much so as my parents spoke to me about it, all part of your education!

Have you asked her why?

She is indeed a rude brat.

Why do people infantalize 18 year olds? They need to learn the realities of life and death otherwise it's going to come as a horrible shock

The university admissions process encourages it by treating them as financially dependent children. It's bizarre.

@ilovesooty

of course! People know that people get old and die way before the age of 18!!

@MeganM3

for goodness sake, they are are her grandparents, not some random ‘house guests’

OP was careful to obscure the grandparent's sex.

So maybe this is about a very private, shy teenager sharing a bathroom with a 78 year old chap, and having feelings about this.

Only OP can elaborate.

Sharing a bathroom? Unless there’s no lock on the door I can’t think why this would be such a source of discomfort? There’s no threat to her privacy.

Don’t lots of families share bathrooms?

We just don't know till the OP updates.

Have just re-read the OP
She is "outraged" at her Grandparent being invited for Christmas - really, this is bad, how can she be so lacking in empathy?

We don't know either way

Which is why painting DD as some vile bitch who will grab the money off DGP but can't tolerate their company because she's an ungrateful brat who should be thrown into the street and humiliated is hugely unhelpful...

I never painted her as any such thing!

Maybe because she has suffered abuse at their hands and doesn't know how to properly express her fear of them being under her roof?

Or they are racist/homophonic/transphobic/misogynistic and it doesn't align with her values (or her personal self) and she can't stand the idea of having to listen to their hate when she wants to celebrate?

Or she wasn't "outraged" and it's an exaggeration on OP'S behalf of her understanding of her DD being upset her plans with friends might have to change and she was really just a bit upset which escalated because instead of showing a little empathy herself, OP called her names and was aggressive with her and left her feeling like she didn't matter?