to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

[traintaker]

My friend and I both attended a wedding that was some distance away in a location we haven’t been to before. Neither of us wanted to do a long drive so we booked train tickets. It was a five hour journey including two train changes. (We are both single, for context, hence planning this together).

We each booked our own tickets, but discussed which trains we’d get. The day before we went, I realised that I had some work that I needed to finish, so I text my friend saying that I would be catching a later train (I booked an anytime ticket) so I would see her at the hotel (we were travelling down the day before so no particular deadline).

She was really upset with me, because she didn’t want to do the journey alone. Not just because it wouldn’t be as much fun, but because she was scared to do it alone. She had bought tickets for a specific train so didn’t have the same flexibility as me, but nevertheless she actually bought new tickets, at great expense, so that she could travel with me at the new time, and now I feel awful and as though I was totally unreasonable for not checking with her first before changing my travel plans.

I have known this friend for 25 years and she has never said anything to me about being a nervous traveller, we have actually flown abroad together twice (as part of a bigger group) and have caught the train many times. She is not a particularly nervous person (or so I thought) and I am now questioning myself because the thought never even crossed my mind that going on a long train journey alone would be a big deal for an average adult with no disabilities or mental health problems. I am a very independent person by nature though, and I enjoy going to places by myself.

So this is just a reality check for me really. Was I unreasonable in assuming that she would be okay making this journey on her own?

But those aren't normal run of the mill things are they? Literally billions of people get trains every day. It is an absolutely day to day normal thing. Hospital treatment isn't. It's not just about frequency of an activity but the nature of it.

If you live in a city like London getting a train in completely normal if you live somewhere like me where their is like 2 trains a day not so much.

"Literally billions" ? Where?

Many, many people never have any cause to get a train.

By the end of the day it seems people are running low on empathy 😂

It is an entirely different matter that she should have told her friend in advance from the reason why she is incapable of taking the trains alone. No idea why she did not say it. Maybe she did not think she needed to because her friend might cancel on her last minute. Maybe she felt she would only say it if she really had to because she might be judged like by so many here that a grown ass woman is incapable of taking 3 trains on her own. Fact is we don't know why their trip unfolded this way. But I am willing to accept some people find taking trains alone tough and refuse to call them wet wipes, indulged or whatever people on here called those who find "basic", "simple" things tough.

I meant across the world. And the point I am trying to make is that even if you hardly ever do it, the process of a train journey should not be one that a fully functioning adult cannot do alone. Especially with the pre-planning apps available now. In itself, catching a train and navigating changes should not be an overwhelming task. Yes more challenging if unfamiliar, but should not, (again to answer the OPs question which was nothing to do with last minute changes of plan, ) be an issue for most functioning adults.

But an mri is easy you just lay their. It's not about what it is about understanding different people struggle with different things. I haven't been on a train in years so that would make me anxious. An mri I have all the time wouldn't bother me in the slightest

Make you anxious to the point of not doing it though? That's the thing. We seem to have lost sight if the idea that being apprehensive about something is normal. Not doing it as a result is not so much.

I can't travel alone anymore on public transport but I have an anxiety disorder. Which is obviously very different to just being nervous. But the fact the op friend was willing to fork out for a whole new ticket which we all know train tickets cost a fortune I would say their is definitely something going on that op doesn't know about it. Just like 99 % of people have no concept of what my life is actually like as these are the things I don't share unless necessary. I'm one of them people on pip that people on here would look at and say she's scamming the system theirs nothing wrong with her because they have no idea. The problem is op lile you as a nt person without a good understanding of mental illness doesn't understand that not everyone can just do everything. You take for granted how simple day to day life is and why you can't understand not everyone is the same and everyday life for a lot of people is a real struggle. Like for me just getting up getting washed and dressed and actually leaving the house is a massive achievement. I'm guessing for you it's not something you even think twice about. Nobody expects you or op to fully understand this stuff but I do expect grown adults to be mindful of others struggles and understand not everyone is the same.

Sounds like she's suffering anxiety and if she's willing to pay for a different ticket so she can travel with you I don't see a big deal with that, I also suffer severe anxiety diagnosed as social anxiety disorder and I also couldn't go on a train alone, would rather not go on one at all tbh, people without anxiety don't know what it's like because things they see as a normal day to day thing is actually terrifying to someone suffering anxiety, don't make a big deal out of it to her she may have been hiding the fact she has this issue for some time as people love to shame people when they struggle with things like that, just be a good friend and accept she's more comfortable with you on the train, it hasn't changed your plans you still get the later train

Thinking about it, it may not be anxiety about the train trip per se, but around your arrangement to travel together being altered at very short notice.

Many people- myself included - find it hard when things change at the last minute- and in her mind she had thought oh yes I will be navigating the station changes with OP and this is what our day will look like.

If you had never fully committed to this arrangement- buying a flexible ticket shows you hadn't- then it was on you to say that you would change trains if that suited you better and she should be prepared to travel alone.

Me too. It's not very charitable of me, I suppose, but FFS woman up!

Why is that? You must know that isn't a normal or reasonable response, surely?

I agree. None of those things strike me as in any way challenging. Even if it were something I wouldn't necessarily prefer to do, it's not something that I would ever think was difficult. Why do we normalize an inability to function as an adult?

I couldn't agree more.

of course i know it not rational, its pretty much the only thing in life that gives me any anxiety, so given i drive absolutely everywhere, it's a non-issue for me luckily!

No, they're both independently going to a wedding but happen to have the same travel plans.

They've not planned the journey together as a special event. They were traveling together as it was convenient but it no longer is for OP. She's not leaving a 6yr old to do the journey but an adult who would be doing it anyway.

No they had planned to go together as their both single then op changed the plans last minute.