to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

traintaker · 2024-11-09T23:12:05+00:00

My friend and I both attended a wedding that was some distance away in a location we haven’t been to before. Neither of us wanted to do a long drive so we booked train tickets. It was a five hour journey including two train changes. (We are both single, for context, hence planning this together). We each booked our own tickets, but discussed which trains we’d get. The day before we went, I realised that I had some work that I needed to finish, so I text my friend saying that I would be catching a later train (I booked an anytime ticket) so I would see her at the hotel (we were travelling down the day before so no particular deadline). She was really upset with me, because she didn’t want to do the journey alone. Not just because it wouldn’t be as much fun, but because she was scared to do it alone. She had bought tickets for a specific train so didn’t have the same flexibility as me, but nevertheless she actually bought new tickets, at great expense, so that she could travel with me at the new time, and now I feel awful and as though I was totally unreasonable for not checking with her first before changing my travel plans. I have known this friend for 25 years and she has never said anything to me about being a nervous traveller, we have actually flown abroad together twice (as part of a bigger group) and have caught the train many times. She is not a particularly nervous person (or so I thought) and I am now questioning myself because the thought never even crossed my mind that going on a long train journey alone would be a big deal for an average adult with no disabilities or mental health problems. I am a very independent person by nature though, and I enjoy going to places by myself. So this is just a reality check for me really. Was I unreasonable in assuming that she would be okay making this journey on her own?

DappledThings · 09/11/2024 23:15

You are not being unreasonable at all. There's nothing scary about being on a train. I'd be excited about the time to myself to read and nap and whatever else I fancied.

ilovesooty · 09/11/2024 23:20

Her decision to pay for another ticket isn't your responsibility.

Yougetmoreofwhatyoufocuson · 09/11/2024 23:21

She is being a bit of a wet blanket. You let her know your change of plans and she chose to spend the extortionate fees to buy new tickets to travel with you. She ruined it for herself, by forking over all that money and then probably not enjoying your company all that much!
I used to fly into Heathrow at 14, take the underground to Paddington and then a train out to school twice a year.

Hurrayforfridays · 09/11/2024 23:21

I have no problems travelling by myself, but would be a bit upset if we'd planned to travel together and the other person changed it at the last minute to avoid travelling with me... However I would have just sucked it up...

maxelly · 09/11/2024 23:21

Hmm, haven't voted cos I think it's a bit of both. I do think you're a touch UR to change plans on your friend without at least profusely apologizing, since you had arranged to travel together. I agree though that the train journey alone really shouldn't be an issue for a capable adult. I guess though that it might be less the journey itself and more the arrival at the other end she's nervous about, if you were due to get in in the evening that may have meant trying to locate a taxi (lots of stations don't have a taxi rank any more and Uber doesn't work everywhere) or walk across a strange town/city in the dark alone, finding and checking into accomodation, which is the sort of thing which might reasonably make someone nervous (nb not saying I wouldn't do those things alone, I have done many times but if I was picking something to get worked up about it would be that I'd get lost on the way from the train station to hotel or be stranded at a rural station not able to get a taxi or something. Not that these things couldn't ever happen if I had someone with me but they'd feel a lot better if I wasn't alone I think). So I guess if she's generally a reasonable person and good friend you should cut her some slack on this one?

MarzipanMoon · 09/11/2024 23:22

I would assume that she would be OK too. Surely, your friend had the destination address & contact details & your info ?

However, I am happy to travel independently to new places on my own via; car, bike, plane, bus, train, coach, ferry, boat, tram, taxi etc

However, I am aware that some people are very anxious when they are out of their comfort zone.

Grahamhousehushand · 09/11/2024 23:24

Different people are different. I don't drive and use public transport for everything so find trains v easy .I regularly travel with friends and colleagues who rarely or never use them and feel v anxious about catching them, missing connections, finding their seat, delays etc...

So your assumption is reasonable but now you know your friend feels differently I don't think you should feel awful just bear it in mind for another time.

GivingitToGod · 09/11/2024 23:24

maxelly · 09/11/2024 23:21

Hmm, haven't voted cos I think it's a bit of both. I do think you're a touch UR to change plans on your friend without at least profusely apologizing, since you had arranged to travel together. I agree though that the train journey alone really shouldn't be an issue for a capable adult. I guess though that it might be less the journey itself and more the arrival at the other end she's nervous about, if you were due to get in in the evening that may have meant trying to locate a taxi (lots of stations don't have a taxi rank any more and Uber doesn't work everywhere) or walk across a strange town/city in the dark alone, finding and checking into accomodation, which is the sort of thing which might reasonably make someone nervous (nb not saying I wouldn't do those things alone, I have done many times but if I was picking something to get worked up about it would be that I'd get lost on the way from the train station to hotel or be stranded at a rural station not able to get a taxi or something. Not that these things couldn't ever happen if I had someone with me but they'd feel a lot better if I wasn't alone I think). So I guess if she's generally a reasonable person and good friend you should cut her some slack on this one?

This

BMW6 · 09/11/2024 23:24

I think your friend is weird.

Is she going to let you crack on with your work ?

Moier · 09/11/2024 23:25

Think she thought you would be travelling together.. some people don't like last minute changes ( l don't) I'd panic.. also no l don't like travelling on my own... but I'm disabled..

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/11/2024 23:27

I love a solo train journey. Is your friend usually anxious?

TeenGreenBottles · 09/11/2024 23:27

Hurrayforfridays · 09/11/2024 23:21

I have no problems travelling by myself, but would be a bit upset if we'd planned to travel together and the other person changed it at the last minute to avoid travelling with me... However I would have just sucked it up...

This. I wouldn't have paid for new tickets because I travel all the time in my own for work and quite enjoy it, but I'd be really pissed off that we'd arranged a time to travel together, I'd booked tickets specifically, and then you reneged on the plans right at the last minute. I'd have thought it was really thoughtless unless there was an actual emergency. The off handed way you mentioned it would have really got my back up.

Sethera · 09/11/2024 23:30

maxelly · 09/11/2024 23:21

Hmm, haven't voted cos I think it's a bit of both. I do think you're a touch UR to change plans on your friend without at least profusely apologizing, since you had arranged to travel together. I agree though that the train journey alone really shouldn't be an issue for a capable adult. I guess though that it might be less the journey itself and more the arrival at the other end she's nervous about, if you were due to get in in the evening that may have meant trying to locate a taxi (lots of stations don't have a taxi rank any more and Uber doesn't work everywhere) or walk across a strange town/city in the dark alone, finding and checking into accomodation, which is the sort of thing which might reasonably make someone nervous (nb not saying I wouldn't do those things alone, I have done many times but if I was picking something to get worked up about it would be that I'd get lost on the way from the train station to hotel or be stranded at a rural station not able to get a taxi or something. Not that these things couldn't ever happen if I had someone with me but they'd feel a lot better if I wasn't alone I think). So I guess if she's generally a reasonable person and good friend you should cut her some slack on this one?

I also agree with this.

Rainyblue · 09/11/2024 23:31

I am very happy to do a solo train journey, but would enjoy the company of a friend too. So I would be a little bit miffed if we had planned to travel together and then you only told me the day before that you had changed your plans. I wouldn’t buy a new train ticket though.

ACapybaraNamedFred · 09/11/2024 23:32

Moier · 09/11/2024 23:25

Think she thought you would be travelling together.. some people don't like last minute changes ( l don't) I'd panic.. also no l don't like travelling on my own... but I'm disabled..

Same. I have a disabled bus pass which allows me to have a companion for travel. Some journeys I am fine but others I can meltdown without someone with me. For trains I usually book assistance if I'm not able to be with someone.

PlopSofa · 09/11/2024 23:32

TeenGreenBottles · 09/11/2024 23:27

This. I wouldn't have paid for new tickets because I travel all the time in my own for work and quite enjoy it, but I'd be really pissed off that we'd arranged a time to travel together, I'd booked tickets specifically, and then you reneged on the plans right at the last minute. I'd have thought it was really thoughtless unless there was an actual emergency. The off handed way you mentioned it would have really got my back up.

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Me too. It is as quality time together of 5 hours. Pretty rare in this day and age.

I would be annoyed. Say you were travelling to Paris, would you have done the same? That’s less time…

Why such a lax approach? It’s a bit off hand.

And yes I can be nervous travelling alone. Thanks for being called a wet blanket by a PP. lucky you you never experienced anxiety. One day, if it ever does, I promise you you will regret that judgement.

Azertyuio123 · 09/11/2024 23:32

How do I vote on the mobile app? Can't see where. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

wateraddict · 09/11/2024 23:33

Your friend sounds really anxious - at least about train travel, clearly sufficiently so to buy new tickets. She hadn't told you before which is not your fault. If she had, you might have suggested a flexible ticket. Hopefully travelling with you has given her some confidence and now you know how she feels, you can make plans that suit you both in the future. One to chalk up to experience?

I travel by train a lot and see plenty of adults who are anxious. It's not unusual if someone doesn't have much experience.

MagpiePi · 09/11/2024 23:34

I’m single and find it really odd at all the things that grown women are nervous about doing on their own but then see it as some huge liberation or statement of empowerment if they manage to do something. Things like using public transport, driving a long distance, going on holiday, eating out, going to the cinema, or a concert or art gallery alone.

Dawevi · 09/11/2024 23:35

YABU. You arranged to travel with her and then bailed. I would be pissed off event without travel anxiety. I hate trains and would much rather travel with someone for a long journey. You should have talked to her before changing your plans and been prepared to stick to the original plan if your friend wasn't happy to travel alone.

EmberAsh · 09/11/2024 23:38

Travelling solo as an adult isn't a particularly difficult activity for most but you made a plan and changed it without letting her know. She obviously wanted to travel together.

Gagagardener · 09/11/2024 23:42

Try a thought experiment: imagine OP is a man who had arranged to go somewhere with another man, and then decided to take a later train because of needing to do something at work, and whose friend reacted as OP's friend did. Which way would you vote? Would it be different? If it would be, why?

Bunnyhair · 09/11/2024 23:43

I encounter more and more people these days who find it utterly terrifying to do things on their own. Travelling solo by train would not have been unusual when I was a young person, but these days lots of people seem to find lots of things too scary.

DeliciousApples · 09/11/2024 23:44

I'd have been angry not scared.
We made plans. You broke them. I'd be well pissed off.

Cynic17 · 09/11/2024 23:45

YANBU. Unless there are some sort of learning difficulties or similar, it is ridiculous for any adult to make a fuss about a solo train journey. In fact, most of us love those few hours of peace! Your friend needs to grow up.