to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

[traintaker]

My friend and I both attended a wedding that was some distance away in a location we haven’t been to before. Neither of us wanted to do a long drive so we booked train tickets. It was a five hour journey including two train changes. (We are both single, for context, hence planning this together).

We each booked our own tickets, but discussed which trains we’d get. The day before we went, I realised that I had some work that I needed to finish, so I text my friend saying that I would be catching a later train (I booked an anytime ticket) so I would see her at the hotel (we were travelling down the day before so no particular deadline).

She was really upset with me, because she didn’t want to do the journey alone. Not just because it wouldn’t be as much fun, but because she was scared to do it alone. She had bought tickets for a specific train so didn’t have the same flexibility as me, but nevertheless she actually bought new tickets, at great expense, so that she could travel with me at the new time, and now I feel awful and as though I was totally unreasonable for not checking with her first before changing my travel plans.

I have known this friend for 25 years and she has never said anything to me about being a nervous traveller, we have actually flown abroad together twice (as part of a bigger group) and have caught the train many times. She is not a particularly nervous person (or so I thought) and I am now questioning myself because the thought never even crossed my mind that going on a long train journey alone would be a big deal for an average adult with no disabilities or mental health problems. I am a very independent person by nature though, and I enjoy going to places by myself.

So this is just a reality check for me really. Was I unreasonable in assuming that she would be okay making this journey on her own?

I can assure you that the number is statistically minuscule in terms of the UK population. Mumsnet/online chat forums are a haven/echo chamber for the socially anxious, it is in no way reflective of society.

The thing is though,you might have never known her to be a nervous traveller but no one stays the same over 25 years.

A sibling of mine has skydived,abseiled,swam with sharks but currently feels so anxious they can't do a food shop alone.So...things change.

Maybe ask if your friends is okay.I'd have felt a tad let down too.

I think you were really quite rude to be honest. Not that you should have thought she wouldn't feel comfortable to do the journey alone, but because a complicated five hour journey which gives you time to catch up with a friend is quite fun and part of the holiday. A complicated five hour journey alone, is boring and a long journey just for a weekend.

If I'd been in the friend's shoes, depending on other factors, having company on the journey could have been a deciding factor on whether I went to the wedding even. Say I wasn't super close to the friend getting married, but was super close to you. Getting a babysitter, or my husband taking time of work, spending the money on the travel, might not be worth it if 5 hours of it would be a boring lonely train ride. 5 hours catching up with a really good friend who I love seeing (you) might make it worthwhile.

Because as OP said "We each booked our own tickets, but discussed which trains we’d get." It seems they'd agreed to take the same trains, but then OP changed her mind.

But a much higher number of people would find a 5 hour journey very boring so can totally identify with OP's friend, even if the exact reason is different.

I find it weird how many people on this thread find it impossible to accept that someone not reacting exactly like them in any given situation does not make that other person’s reaction wrong (or ‘wet’ or any of the other pejoratives thrown around)

I do all of the above by myself (other than festivals - not my thing at all) but I have no problem understanding that other people don’t do / feel the same.

The total lack of empathy for other people from many posters has truly surprised me.

It is not a lack of empathy. It is quite possible to empathise with someone yet still recognise that their perspective is a minority one.

The only thing that OP asked was whether anxiety about travelling in trains was something the majority experienced.

Have you seen the state of nhs mental health services. They can't even help people after suicide attempts do you honestly think their are staff to help with this stuff

She needs to pull her big girl pants up.

I'd actually prefer to travel alone. I like my own space. I suppose we're all different...

I agree with this, I travel all over the country on the train and don't give it a second thought but I can see your friends reason for being a bit pissed off. I wouldn't have bought another ticket though

Right, but in this case the OP and friend had deliberately arranged to travel together, which suggests they prefer company?

I wouldn’t be anxious but I’d be disappointed/let down and be seriously reevaluating my friendship with someone who’d be so flakey and not value spending time with me.

But nobody on here can have the slightest idea what percentage of people have anxiety about travelling on trains. The most anybody can say is ‘I don’t have anxiety about trains and none of my friends have said they do’.

I have no idea whether 0.0005%, or 95% of people worry about train travel and I can’t see how anyone else can know either, yet many posters are confidently insisting that only a minority have such worries with some going further to say it’s ‘wet’ and other such insults. How can you possibly know?

Also, when you say ‘minority’ - minority of the population? Minority of train users? Minority of people who use trains less than once a week?

So would I and unless I was close to my proposed travelling companion, I would probably come up with a reason why we couldn’t possibly travel together.

I wouldn’t make arrangements to do so then cancel the day before, though.

You’re just embarrassing yourself now.

Oh I know. What I'm asking is why are there so many adults in need of professional help to face normal day to day life? And it's not just COVID. This has been on the rise for years. You'd think this might be one area where smartphones help...you can always call, Google, download an app or map, track schedules, check a platform for a quick change but even with that support, the most mundane things seem like impossible challenges. We have to get to the root of this.

Perhaps she didn’t want to be alone with her own thoughts for 5 hours.

Personally, I tend to find that when people stop presenting their case and move to personal insults instead they know they are wrong but don’t want to admit it…..

But thank you for making it clear what sort of person you are - I couldn’t have made the case for lack of empathy better if I’d made 100 posts.

I am not wrong. I’m bored of you though.

Still no actual rebuttal? Oh, dear…

I agree with all of this. I’m happy to get trains alone but might feel a bit anxious about getting to a location in an unknown place in the evening.

Some of the replies are very strange to me. This wouldn't even register past maybe an 'aw, that's a shame' in my head - you were spending the whole weekend together anyway, so I can't see anything past that for the time not spent together, and it is undeniably weird for a grown adult with no other issues to be scared of getting a train alone.

If she is not used to getting the train she needs to finds her platform alone 3 times in this case. UK trains are not known for prompt info display, being on time or running every time when time tabled. She was in fact anxious enough to shell out the extra to travel with the OP. I can imagine OP's friend might have coped with one direct train journey on her own but with 2 transfers she might have been too anxious, what if they cancel one train, she missed the next, what then? Stranded in a strange city? She might have felt more reassured with a friend there. I have sufficient empathy to take her word for it, accept she finds train journeys anxiety provoking and not judge her for it. Many telling her to grow up and grow a pair clearly had empathodectomy.

That’s nuts. If anything I’d prefer to travel alone!