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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drunk teenager- punishment or not?

295 replies

Stressedgiraffe · 09/11/2024 10:31

Dd 18 last night went out to the cinema after college and ended up horrendous shit faced.
The plan was for dh to meet her off the bus and walk her home. We live in a village with hourly bus in evenings
She missed her stop and ended up in the next village.
Luckily there was a pub next to the busstop and they gave her water and security waited with her till the next bus back to us.
The bus driver refused to let her on.
So this resulted in a panic to get a taxi to collect her.
We don't drive so I ended up getting a £60 taxi to collect her. For a 5 min drive . As it needed to be paid from our city to our village to where she was and back.
Dh thinks she should be punished but I don't know. She doesn't have a job but has an interview next week.
I'm just glad she got home safely
What should we do?

OP posts:
MuffinDadoCappuccino · 09/11/2024 10:33

I think punishment is a good way to ensure your teenager doesn’t call you the next time she needs help. She needs to learn her limit with alcohol, hopefully today’s hangover will be the first step.

ExtraOnions · 09/11/2024 10:34

She’s 18 … a stupid thing to do, but show me one person who, at one time of another, has not got very drunk

I would laugh at her hangover, say “lesson learned ?” and move on.

How is he intending to “punish” her?

Shouldbedoing · 09/11/2024 10:34

She owes you the taxi money or a lot of chores and a grovelling apology. Hopefully the hangover will be a punishment of its own.

Happierthaneverr · 09/11/2024 10:35

This is a life lesson she needs to learn for herself and punishing her will only mean she doesn’t call for help next time. Also at 18 surely she is beyond parental ‘punishments’.

Ticktockticktockclock · 09/11/2024 10:35

Don’t punish her. We all make mistakes. The experience in itself will be a lesson to her.
Also, you REALLY REALLY want to have a relationship with your kid where they call you when they are in trouble, whether it’s their fault or not. They won’t call you if they’re scared of being punished.
I recommend a no judgement heart to heart.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 09/11/2024 10:35

Give over, the hangover is likely to be punishment enough.
You know that she will contact you when she needs you, be happy with that.

Loopytiles · 09/11/2024 10:36

I’d expect her to pay the £60 and to apologise to the pub people if they were inconvenienced.

Member984815 · 09/11/2024 10:37

She's 18 and whilst it's irresponsible it's not illegal , I would make her pay you back for the taxi and have a chat about safe drinking

everlysu · 09/11/2024 10:37

How (or why even) do you punish an adult??

She owes you the taxi money either as cash or chores, that's it.

Hoglet70 · 09/11/2024 10:37

Definitely make her pay for the taxi, enjoy her hangover and then laugh about it.

cansu · 09/11/2024 10:37

I think living miles from anywhere as a teenager and having parents who don't drive is a major issue.

Seeline · 09/11/2024 10:38

I think you can make it clear that you're not happy, but punishment? No.
A talk about how serious it could have been if the pub wasn't open, if she'd had to wait on her own, if there hadn't been a taxi etc.
But she's 18. Better to learn her limits now rather than when she's on her own at uni.

TeenLifeMum · 09/11/2024 10:38

I’d expect her to pay for the taxi money and have a conversation about safety but I’d be really pleased that she’d called me when in trouble. She’s 18! I’m not convinced punishing teens actually works. I have 3 and we talk about bad behaviour and they tend to come up with their own responses if given space. They know right and wrong but need to test boundaries. I’m not a soft touch but grounding and taking phones etc seem ineffective and just creates a barrier between parent and teen.

BellaCiaoBellaCiao · 09/11/2024 10:38

She’s a teenager. Give her a free pass. She’ll probably feel like shit today, mentally and physically.

I’m the sort of person who is sympathetic to hangovers so I’d be looking after her.
You can have a conversation about safety etc when the mists have cleared.
I’d give it a couple of days anyway.

No doubt there are other parents who would react very harshly but that isn’t me.
You can’t really reason with someone who is hungover; they won’t listen so don’t waste your time.

Like you, I’d just be glad that she got home safely.

redannie18 · 09/11/2024 10:39

I thought you were going to say 14 year old! You can’t punish an adult child, how on earth would you anyway? Just say she owes you the taxi money and have some compassion, she’ll be suffering and mortified today!

Original poster
Stressedgiraffe · 09/11/2024 10:39

I agree. Dh has a vague she needs to be punished but no idea what.maybe chores is a good idea. If she gets this job she can pay me back with her first pay cheque.

As long as she call me when in trouble I don't really care. She knows she's a muppet but I'm leaving her to sleep.

OP posts:
LilacTurtle · 09/11/2024 10:39

We talked about it and treated it like a learning experience. It never happened again.

everlysu · 09/11/2024 10:40

cansu · 09/11/2024 10:37

I think living miles from anywhere as a teenager and having parents who don't drive is a major issue.

Yes, agree, and I'm rethinking whether she really owes you the full £60, because surely if she just got the taxi herself it would have been half that?

TeenLifeMum · 09/11/2024 10:40

cansu · 09/11/2024 10:37

I think living miles from anywhere as a teenager and having parents who don't drive is a major issue.

There’s so many issues on this site that would be non issues if adults were able to drive. I don’t know anymore in rl who doesn’t drive. It’s so limiting. But there will be another thread within the next week with a poster saying they don’t drive and it’s not an issue. It probably isn’t until it suddenly is and you need to get somewhere outside public transport hours.

Anisty · 09/11/2024 10:40

Well she is 18 so no. But she needs to pay the 60 quid back and she has no income.

Assume you give her money. I would dock it by an amount each week til the debt is paid.

It could be viewed as punishment. But not really - it is what a responsible adult would do. If someone had to give me 60 quid for a taxi, i would pay it back.

So should she.

Discuss it with her and ask her what she would be willing to pay from any allowance you give her. Let her come up with the amount first.

Then see if that is acceptable to you. Like adults would do.

jeaux90 · 09/11/2024 10:41

My partners DS did something similar about 3 years ago he was 17. I think the hangover and the shame is the punishment. He didn't do it again.

Grapesofmildirritation · 09/11/2024 10:42

I wouldn’t inflict a “punishment” but she needs to make up the £60 either in cash or kind.

I’m also thinking it’s tough having parents who don’t drive and living somewhere with such an irregular bus service (I know it’s common I’m just saying she didn’t choose to live where you do). At that age , I could drive the family car, plus my parents drive me around, or I could get one of the plentiful buses or if a taxi was the only option it was £5. Your daughter has limited options.

Maray1967 · 09/11/2024 10:43

Shouldbedoing · 09/11/2024 10:34

She owes you the taxi money or a lot of chores and a grovelling apology. Hopefully the hangover will be a punishment of its own.

This - no punishment as such is needed, but she needs to reimburse the taxi fare.

BeMintBee · 09/11/2024 10:43

She needs to pay for the taxi when she gets a job. Other than that what can you do? In future she probably needs to be able to make sure she has enough money for a taxi home after a night out rather than the bus or stay at a friends. An 18 year old drunk woman alone on a rural bus is very vulnerable so she needs a better plan IMO.

Member984815 · 09/11/2024 10:43

TeenLifeMum · 09/11/2024 10:40

There’s so many issues on this site that would be non issues if adults were able to drive. I don’t know anymore in rl who doesn’t drive. It’s so limiting. But there will be another thread within the next week with a poster saying they don’t drive and it’s not an issue. It probably isn’t until it suddenly is and you need to get somewhere outside public transport hours.

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It's only not a problem when you live somewhere with perfect public transport I live rural if I didn't drive I couldn't live here , when eldest was 17 got her on the road and next one is currently learning .

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