Drunk teenager- punishment or not?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dd 18 last night went out to the cinema after college and ended up horrendous shit faced.
The plan was for dh to meet her off the bus and walk her home. We live in a village with hourly bus in evenings
She missed her stop and ended up in the next village.
Luckily there was a pub next to the busstop and they gave her water and security waited with her till the next bus back to us.
The bus driver refused to let her on.
So this resulted in a panic to get a taxi to collect her.
We don't drive so I ended up getting a £60 taxi to collect her. For a 5 min drive . As it needed to be paid from our city to our village to where she was and back.
Dh thinks she should be punished but I don't know. She doesn't have a job but has an interview next week.
I'm just glad she got home safely
What should we do?

Tell your DH his days of punishing his daughter are over. She is an adult

They explained that the taxi had to drive out from the nearest big town to the village, then drive back again. So the cost is do high because it probably took the driver about half an hour just to get to the pick up point. My dad lives in a small town with only one taxi and if it's not available, he has this same issue.

@70isaLimitNotaTarget no luckily. It was £30 each way as I had to pay from town and back.

She's awake and came downstairs. I think she's embarrassed. She doesn't want to talk about it and is being defensive.

I can understand your husband being annoyed about the taxi fee and the delay in waiting for your daughter to get home. But i don't understand why he didn't make an effort to signal for the bus to stop.

Previously when I was meeting my teenage children from the bus, I would always put my hand out for the bus to stop.

That’s fair enough that she doesn’t want to talk about it, totally understandable.

These things happen, it was the first time it happened and it’s not her fault she lives in a remote area. Her drink probably wasn’t spiked, she probably just drank too much, it happens at that age.

Sorry for harping on about the driving but I really think it has a bearing on dh reaction and that's not fair on your daughter. I have a non driving spouse and in the same situation it would be a big palaver of missed buses, expensive taxis, hours out of the night etc. Whereas I would hop in the car and have it sorted in 20 mins. It's not your fault you can't drive but you will have to budget for the odd taxi with teens. These things happen

If you had a car, you'd be paying £60 in insurance every month, never mind the petrol and car maintenance costs. With that in mind, paying it as a one-off to collect a child you presumably love, or for whatever other emergency, is something you should just financially budget for because of where you live.

18 year old gets drunk, calls parents when stuck, gets home. It was a one-off; by all means talk it through if it's happening monthly but once...? There is nothing to punish here. Try asking how the rest of her evening went and re-engage with her as a fellow human rather than a child.

I would feel I have failed as a parent if my kids were too scared to call me when they need help.

@Dora33 I’m glad you mentioned that. If I was waiting for a bus to meet someone I would definitely and automatically put my hand out. Even if the passenger ‘should’ be ringing the bell too. Especially if I knew that it would be a major inconvenience (in this case reportedly an hour’s walk to the next stop?)
And I’m picturing this as a busy rural road described as an A road - surely the dh would have noticed the bus slowing down or not as the case may be and it would have then been clear to the driver he or she needed to stop.

OP is there a reason he didn’t put his hand out as the bus was approaching do you know?

I have a car and I pay nowhere near £60 a month insurance. Much less than half that in fact.

Plus a car isn't just used for picking up drunk teenagers.

Not having a car can work if you live in a city where there is decent public transport but out in the sticks it's ridiculous

Same.

She’s an adult and where a chat about keeping safe would be helpful, the truth is that if she wants to go out and get ridiculously drunk she is legally entitled to and there’s nothing you can do. She does however, owe you £60.

Why? There's a bus

Not frequently after 8pm.

I grew up in a rural place and never ever got lifts if I went out by myself. I had to rely on hourly trains (it was like this all week, except 2 hourly on a sunday). It was fine, it's was a normal part of living there and makes you so independent!

I think taking public transport is of course normal. I also did so but I also lived somewhere where a taxi would be easily accessed and cost a tenner max. I also had parents who could pick me up in an emergency. The ops dd lives in a village with only one bus an hour where it costs 60.00 for a taxi and her parents can't drive.

Some taxi companies charge a "village to village premium" for journeys where both ends are outside the city - because it incurs a lot more driving/time for them.

Was it spiked?
I would want to know if it was.
I would give her a pass and talk about safety.
It happens, she's safe.
You sound like a lovely mum.

I don't think she should pay the £60. It wasn't her fault the bus driver didn't let her on, nor her fault that her parents don't drive. It would be a complete non issue to pop and get her if she was only 5 minutes away. £60 is a lot for a teenager.
Certainly talk to her about limits on alcohol consumption, but that's all. Otherwise in the future she may choose to walk instead of calling you which would be very risky indeed.

Ok, so for you it's a month of insurance plus half a tank of petrol. Or the cost of a new tyre or two. Still a fraction of the cost of owning a car. Those using public transport should still budget for occasionally using taxi. (Also live somewhere with good transport options if they don't drive.)

That’s exactly my point.

You are completely missing the point. The girl was drunk and made a mistake.

There is no need to be so self righteous.

No need to be so rude!

Just saying that there's nothing wrong with living in a rural area if you can't drive if that's your choice. Many people can't drive so they shouldn't be put off rural areas. Just a different way of life.

18 is too old for "punishing" but I would talk to her about choices and consequences.

How worried you were. How bad it could have gone. She was lost inebriated and alone with strangers. £60 is a cheap price for her safely home with nothing but a hangover.

Being old enough to drink means old enough to consider risks. Talk in a way she understands your worry, but so she will always keep talking to you. Thank God you knew where she was

Also if DH was at bus stop waiting for her... how did she miss her stop?