Drunk teenager- punishment or not?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dd 18 last night went out to the cinema after college and ended up horrendous shit faced.
The plan was for dh to meet her off the bus and walk her home. We live in a village with hourly bus in evenings
She missed her stop and ended up in the next village.
Luckily there was a pub next to the busstop and they gave her water and security waited with her till the next bus back to us.
The bus driver refused to let her on.
So this resulted in a panic to get a taxi to collect her.
We don't drive so I ended up getting a £60 taxi to collect her. For a 5 min drive . As it needed to be paid from our city to our village to where she was and back.
Dh thinks she should be punished but I don't know. She doesn't have a job but has an interview next week.
I'm just glad she got home safely
What should we do?

@Stressedgiraffe You can't punish an adult unless you're intent on infantilising her. Ask for the taxi money and have a chat when her hangover's gone. If you make an issue about this you'll lose her trust.

She owes you the taxi money or a lot of chores and a grovelling apology. Hopefully the hangover will be a punishment of its own

Great idea. Next time she's really vulnerable and a target for crime she'll know not to go to her parents for help.

If it's a one off OP I'd let it go, it's something most teens do at some point

Have you ever thought about moving somewhere more convenient, with better transport links? For yourselves as well as your daughter, as neither of you can drive. Living out in the sticks isn't a great idea when you are getting older, and it's obviously difficult for your daughter.

Get her to learn to drive. She won't be able to get shit faced and will be safe getting home. I don't understand how anyone can live in a rural area and not drive. It's so limiting

Seems a bit harsh to punish her because you don’t drive? I understand not everyone can and for good reasons, but in most houses this would mean jumping in the car and a talking to afterwards about consequences and being more responsible and careful especially as you live rurally etc. Charging her £60 is an overreaction imo

Just a side note, if DH was waiting at the bus stop why didn’t the bus stop and he could have got her off? Was he not there?

Punish an adult for getting drunk? have a word with yourselves.

Good point above as well about her not seeking help from you if she’s stranded again, which is far more dangerous. Ultimately she messed up but did the right thing

Take her to the pub to thank them and apologise. That's punishment enough as she will be embarrassed.

Was she drinking on an empty stomach ( I cannot imagine she had a decent meal at the cinema ) or mixing her drinks . Or maybe she was spiked or someone thought it funny to put an extra vodka shot in.

The fact she was so pissed she missed her stop and the bus driver refused to let on on ( she must've been pretty bad ) . An 18 yo woman at night is pretty vunerable anyway .
I grew up in a rural one-horse-town and the drivers would've let people on but sit at the front (to keep an eye on them)

And : Nobody lecture me here on Victim Blaming :

She is putting herself in a vunerable situation. She could've fallen . Got run over . Got into a car . Got into a fight .
Lucky for her the pub she found gave her water and kept an eye on her .
Might've not turned out like that.

As in the pub that helped her.

How on earth do you punish an 18 year old for doing something shes entirely allowed to do?

This is not wise but almost everyone has done something similar, its a standard part of growing up.

As a good parent you are suppose to help and insure their safety not chastise them and make sure they never seek you out for help in a dangerous situation again.

If it were a friend or a 30-something sibling of yours who'd done this what would you do? You'd let the hangover do its thing and then say you owe me 60 quid by the way. She's an adult so I agree punishment isn't the answer.

@SlebBB the bus didn't stop. She forgot to press the button and he doesn't think the driver saw him.
The next stop is about an hours walk. It's about 5 mins down an A road by bus.

I think that's lesson learned - she's old enough that you should be able to treat her more like an adult on this and just maybe reiterate what a vulnerable position she put herself in.

Also worth checking did she go on an absolute bender or is it possible she didn't drink all that much but hadn't had much to eat? One's alcohol tolerance can vary from week to week I find and if you, say, haven't had an evening meal, you also get drunker much quicker. I'm not a big drinker and the two times I've felt most 'not in full control' drunk (something I do not like and actively avoid) have been on days when for whatever reason I didn't have much to eat beforehand.

If she throws up , she cleans up .....

Isn't all that punishment enough??if anything perhaps get the taxi faire back some how

How is your DH thinking he is going to punish an 18yo - who is an adult in the eyes of the law. Did he not do anything stupid as an 18yo?

She pays you back the money and then my focus would be on talking to her about vulnerability whilst drunk and being better prepared for getting home!

It’s going to be a bumpy few years if your DHs view is punishment every time she is drunk!

Wow.

She's an adult who made a mistake no you shouldn't punish her.
If he does she's very unlikely to seek your help when she's in trouble again.
Pay back for the taxi yes but punishment for a legal adult? Absolutely not

Oh come on, OP, it's a rite of passage! I mean, she's 18 too, so it's perfectly legal. And stop meeting her from the bus stop - she's perfectly capable of walking home alone. You are way too involved and over-protective.
Just give the poor girl some tea and toast, and then let her sleep off her hangover.

Punish an 18 year old adult? No, I'd just be having a conversation about her alcohol intake and making sensible decisions. I'd say she needs to reimburse you for the taxi when she gets a job.

I can't get past how complicated arrangements must be if no one drives and there is one bus an hour. However to get to the initial question I would just leave her to her hangover and how foolish she must feel. She most likely won't do it again. Or have a better plan. Or an actual plan.

I think you may have missed my point there 😂

We have 4 buses an hour till 8 which is quite good . It's only after 8 that it's hourly and she's never had a problem before.

<misses point of thread> I want to know where this rural place is that has 4 buses an hour until 8pm and hourly after that. I live rurally and we don’t have 4 buses a day let alone an hour and they stop at 6…anyway!

don’t punish her. The whole experience + hangover will be punishment enough and hopefully she’ll learn to drive soon