Drunk teenager- punishment or not?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dd 18 last night went out to the cinema after college and ended up horrendous shit faced.
The plan was for dh to meet her off the bus and walk her home. We live in a village with hourly bus in evenings
She missed her stop and ended up in the next village.
Luckily there was a pub next to the busstop and they gave her water and security waited with her till the next bus back to us.
The bus driver refused to let her on.
So this resulted in a panic to get a taxi to collect her.
We don't drive so I ended up getting a £60 taxi to collect her. For a 5 min drive . As it needed to be paid from our city to our village to where she was and back.
Dh thinks she should be punished but I don't know. She doesn't have a job but has an interview next week.
I'm just glad she got home safely
What should we do?

ok all teenagers go bonkers some times but this caused a lot of problems and money to be spent so yes I think she should face the consequences of her actions.

You can’t punish an adult! She needs to pay you back the £60 and should be apologising for the worry and upset but a punishment? What would you do? Ground her and take away her phone? I have a 17 year old (so not an adult) and I wouldn’t do that to him over this!

Punish her at eighteen? What are you going to do, put her on the naughty step? She's eighteen for goodness sake, it's what eighteen year old do. Make sure she pays your sixty quid back. Tell her what kids never listen to, and that is you won't put with this again, next time you will sleep in the shed. The only time to worry is if it becomes regular and she's putting herself in danger.

I’d just be grateful she called for help and that she was home safe. Might give her a token chore to repay the £60 that would be it.

Hi op,

As she is over 18, a punishment is not recommended as she already know she did wrong.
she should be able to get by by herself though so “not interested” to learn to drive is one thing…having to call mom and dad coz you are stuck is another. She needs to know how she will handle any difficulty. Noone can say for sure that there won’t be another time where the bus driver doesn’t see the stop asked.

Being adult doesn’t mean you get all the decisions which others need to bear. Being a very young adult surely means that she has some cushion to get this right next time…

I would give her consequences …. although i don’t have kids this old yet but I have a family of alcoholics and I don’t take alcohol as lightly as many people who seem to think it’s just a natural way to get drunk …. Alcohol is toxic and her BRAIN IS NOT DONE DEVELOPING UNTIL AHE IS 25. Never mind the horrible things than could happen to a young girl alone and visibly intoxicated. It’s so unacceptable.

I would just say she owes you £60 by chores or when she gets a job

She’s 18 so an adult so what kind of punishment is he thinking? When me and my sister used to come home off our faces my mom used to have the vacuum cleaner on outside our bedroom doors at 8am the following morning and when we complained we were ill and hungover she’d say it served us right. Likewise if one of us was sick anywhere that wasn’t the toilet she’d make us clean it up as we’d done it. She’ll either learn from the hangover or she won’t and your husband saying she should be punished isn’t going to get you anywhere and will probably make it worse

No punishment has been handed out. Apparently it was a mixture of vodka and no food. She won't do it again she's not planning on drinking for a while.

Agreed. A bold step, living in the country with no car. I spent a few years in the country, couldn't imagine doing it without my own transport.

Good thing about (most) villages is the community, so it's good to see they took care of your daughter when she stumbled into the pub. Bus driver a bit of a w*nker though.

I have told my son that I would much rather him phone me at 3am to go and collect him (or a friend phones me) than I get a visit from a policeman to say he's injured/been in a cell overnight/worse.

This is even more the case with a daughter.

I have actually had to go and rescue him (and two friends) when they missed the last train home from 12 miles away. It was good I can drive, although given there were three of them, they could have potentially walked home along the canal towpath.

Safety and making sure you don't end up in a vulnerable position is the key here, not punishment.

And complain to the bus company. They should not be refusing entry to vulnerable young women.

The most important thing is that she got home safe. It’s great that she felt able to call you for help. I don’t think that you can really punish an adult, but you should have a mature conversation about the whys and wherefore of the whole situation. We’ve all done stupid things, but need to face up to the repercussions in terms of how it has made others feel and how it could have turned out.

When I ask on other questions why people don't drive they state because they have reliable public transportation. You don't have reliable public transit. Again why don't you drive?

Ask your husband if something happened and she didn’t call the next time because if the punishment. Then something happened to her- how would he live with himself .

it’s a one off /first time ( and quite old- I was getting pissed at 16). She needs to pay you back if you can’t afford it and a good discussion about how vulnerable she was in that state- and she must have been bad for driver not to let her on.

i would complain to the bus company about leaving a vulnerable female in a rural location with no other options. Out of order.

2 weeks ago my 17 yo went to ‘stay at a mates house’. Usually very responsible, no problems. However at 9 am the next day there’s a knock at the door, my ex mil, son and his friend stood there. Ex mil tells me she got a call at 8 that my son and his friend were found wasted in the street at 2am. Sons friend is 18 and they went pub. Ambulance picked them up and they’d spent 5 hours in hospital to sober up. He phoned his nana thinking she would give him less grief. I didn’t punish him. His hangover and lack of memory of the night was enough punishment. I talked to him about how dangerous it was and he said it won’t happen again he realises how dumb it was. I also got a call from social services which made him feel so bad. Especially when I said they’re keeping an eye on him (little white lie won’t hurt). You need to drum in how dangerous the situation was. But I’m not sure how you can punish a woman. We’ve all been young and done some stupid stuff. I cringe at some of the dangerous situations I put myself in. It’s all part of living and learning.

Actually, I think she handled it well, asking a pub to help and calling you. There have been cases of young people dying when trying to get back home drunk, or generally when feeling ashamed of their actions.

My children are very young, but when they're teenagers, I REALLY hope they will call me if they have gotten themselves into a problem. I know I wouldn't have called mine.
I'd give her extra chores etc to make up for the taxi drive but I'd emphasise she could have gotten herself into a really dangerous situatioj and praise her for handling it well.

About the pub, I'd write a glowing review and perhaps email the manager/owner to praise the staff.

She’s 18 She’s just learned her limits and what happens if she exceeds them. No one learns without making mistakes. I think the experience is enough.

I got drunk when I was 18. I didn’t touch alcohol again for over 11 years and then tentatively. I don’t think that’s the norm but you can hope .

A chat about the dangers of being stranded if public transport won’t let you on. Taxis often refuse drunks, too, so it would be a walk home, which is what I had to do, not having funds for taxis, too late for buses and no phones. Prime target for predators.

Bleedin Nora this has been answered at least 3 times already

from the OP third post

“Unfortunately dh is disabled so can't drive. I have medical problems so I am unable to drive”

Pay for Taxi as a minimum, even though it sounds a rip off tbh, but 18 what are you going to do, ground her?

I haven't RTFT but punishment for what?

She's an adult. She went out. Plans changed. She drank too much, probably fell asleep on the bus and missed her stop. She called you. Kept you informed. Got home safely. It's not really her fault that you live in such an inaccessible place post 8pm and both her parents don't drive. It's not her fault that the dick driver wouldn't allow a vulnerable lone female to get home (I'd be making a huge complaint and fuss about this).

FWIW, if she was that out of it, I'd be concerned that maybe she was spiked.

If DH wants to punish her, it's his business. Id stay out of it and watch with interest to see what exactly he tells her she's being punished for and what the punishment looks like. Please come back and share - I'm intrigued