Drunk teenager- punishment or not?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dd 18 last night went out to the cinema after college and ended up horrendous shit faced.
The plan was for dh to meet her off the bus and walk her home. We live in a village with hourly bus in evenings
She missed her stop and ended up in the next village.
Luckily there was a pub next to the busstop and they gave her water and security waited with her till the next bus back to us.
The bus driver refused to let her on.
So this resulted in a panic to get a taxi to collect her.
We don't drive so I ended up getting a £60 taxi to collect her. For a 5 min drive . As it needed to be paid from our city to our village to where she was and back.
Dh thinks she should be punished but I don't know. She doesn't have a job but has an interview next week.
I'm just glad she got home safely
What should we do?

So the next time she's unable get home she won't dare call you and something awful could happen to her.

I wouldn’t ’punish’ a grown adult, no. But I would make her pay you back for the taxi. Hopefully she’s learned her lesson

I wouldn't punish her but she would need to pay back the taxi money and an apology and thanks to the people at the pub would be nice of her.

I would also have a conversation with her about the effects of alcohol, binge drinking, and make sure she knows how drinking can damage the brain, liver, kidneys etc. not in a lecturing way but more in a making sure she knows this stuff way. She needs to work out what her alcohol intake limits are and how to judge how that relates to standard glasses of wine, beer, or cocktails, especially if she doesn't weigh much. She also needs to think about how being drunk and on her own puts her at risk of falling into traffic, or over something and twisting an ankle or breaking a bone, as well as getting unwanted attention from passing louts.

I think it’s a problem even in a town - people expecting ambulances for emergencies that aren’t life threatening when the rest of us would have put the person in a car and taken them to A&E, but they don’t drive so expect the free ambulance taxi.

Plenty of people simply can't afford to run a car, have a medical condition that precludes it, or tried and failed to pass their test several times.

She is an adult. She has a hangover and feels shit. I would encourage her to apologise to the people and give £60 for the taxi.

I agree with PP that choosing to living in the middle of nowhere wasn’t a great choice.

We don’t drive, but we’d never choose to live far out of town

I think her hangover will be punishment enough.

To be honest living so rurally but not driving is the issue here, most of us have had to rescue our kids as teens at some point, I lost count how many midnight pick ups I did because the people they were with changed plans and they weren't comfortable, drugs came out (mine are very anti drugs) or they drank a bit too much though they did take the bus mostly I admit.

If you drove then it was annoying but not expensive, as it was it was ridiculously expensive for you and yes chores to make up for it is appropriate if she doesn't offer herself.

I think you do need plan b and c if she is to be able to have a life

Our DS got drunk at home on his 17th party - he and mates in the front room, we were in the back. Unbeknown to us they were egging him on with vodka drinking games and were very apologetic when they realised how bad he was. We paid out no money - but had to clean up a vomit sprayed downstairs toilet and sit up in his bedroom half the night.

We got a sincere apology and several car washes. Lesson learned.

This.

Why does nobody in this household drive?

Well in that case of course it's an issue, but normal day to day is what I meant.

By the way it's fine to choose not to drive and some people can't for medical reasons but i would choose to live in a city or town with good public transport in that case

She's 18. You can't punish and adult. She'll.be feeling like shit today. That's a natural consequence.

It's a life lesson and she needs your guidance not punishing.

My 18 yo got drunk for the first time a couple of months ago. She'd been out before but just judged it wrong. I made sure she was OK, looked after her and we talked about how she might do things differently in future, which she took on board.

I'm not really sure what 'punishment' I could have given her tbh. It didn't even cross my mind.

This is a very good point. I’d definitely rather my kids came to me if they were in a jam than felt I was going to rip into them for being (ultimately!) a bit daft. She really ought to pay you back for the taxi fare tho, that’s a lot of money.

Don't punish her, at some point most people have done this.

My two have done similar, I'm always super super nice and caring the next day which makes them feel worse

Once when I was 19, I hadn't eaten much in the day and then went out drinking in the evening with friends. It was the first time alcohol had ever affected me like that and I was very ill. My parents decided to 'punish' this (they had also punished/shamed things like getting my period, suspecting me of sleeping with my boyfriend at 18, and being sexually assaulted).

All I can say is I will react in the polar opposite way toward my own children. A talk about safety and limits, yes, and perhaps earning back the taxi fare, but not punishment.

I know bus drivers are reluctant to let drunks on their buses, but surely an 18 year old on their own is vulnerable to all sorts, and not your typical drunk. That is shocking!

Yes. It's not her fault she lives in the middle of nowhere and her parents don't drive. I've always told mine that I'd be there for them, day or night, if they ever needed me. It's quote normal.while kids are still learning how to he adults for a few mishaps to happen along the way.

FFS do not follow this! Love how some people are high and mighty.

DD got hammered at a party, we took the piss chatted about being responsible and she hasn't done it again. Punishment was her not being able to see her friend the next day which she had really been looking forward to as she felt so ill!!

It's disappointing but these things happen. Hopefully there's a lesson learnt and then move on

Punish an 18 year old,don't be ridiculous

I think the poster means that if she punishes her, the daughter will be very unlikely to seek her help or confide in her again.
I had to read it twice to get the meaning, tbh.

Give her a hug.
Give her electrolytes (work wonders on a hangover)

Punishment sounds like awful parenting and way to turn remorse into rebellion.

#mother to 4 sensible well rounded adults who have all been blind drunk in their teens!

Unfortunately dh is disabled so can't drive. I have medical problems so I am unable to drive. I know it's not ideal but when she goes out drinking she usually stays with her friends. She wasn't planning on drinking. It was a cinema trip .
We have 4 buses an hour till 8 which is quite good . It's only after 8 that it's hourly and she's never had a problem before.
It was a combination of missing her stop and the bus driver refusing to let her on.