Drunk teenager- punishment or not?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dd 18 last night went out to the cinema after college and ended up horrendous shit faced.
The plan was for dh to meet her off the bus and walk her home. We live in a village with hourly bus in evenings
She missed her stop and ended up in the next village.
Luckily there was a pub next to the busstop and they gave her water and security waited with her till the next bus back to us.
The bus driver refused to let her on.
So this resulted in a panic to get a taxi to collect her.
We don't drive so I ended up getting a £60 taxi to collect her. For a 5 min drive . As it needed to be paid from our city to our village to where she was and back.
Dh thinks she should be punished but I don't know. She doesn't have a job but has an interview next week.
I'm just glad she got home safely
What should we do?

I would laugh at her hangover, say “lesson learned ?” and move on.

This is what my mum did the first time I had too much to drink, and what I did the first time DD had too much to drink.

Don’t punish her. We all make mistakes. The experience in itself will be a lesson to her.

This ^^

@Stressedgiraffe we are rural with hourly buses and trains and only one every two hours in the evening. What I have done is saved a load of local taxi company numbers from the local Facebook groups and put them all on a spreadsheet. Is this an option for you?

I also agree that you are going to have to budget for the occasional taxi fare.

So every time she is irresponsible they have to cough up a £60 taxi fee when she could have stayed sober enough to get off the bus at the right stop?

No, that's not the way I'd parent.

I MIGHT let it go the first time, but any child of mine would be under no delusions that if they do that again they will have to fund the taxi.

I think she should go to the pub in person and thank them for helping her. She might be embarrassed but so what. Its a good lesson in responsibility. Chores to pay back some money but no not punishment. We've all been there.

I wouldn't punish.

I would have a frank talk about how dangerous it was and how she needs to have a plan B to get home and a way to avoid similar problems in the future.

We don't drive - though don't live rurally - and how they plan to get home and what they do if they goes wrong- is always considered. Usually plan b is card+ note and taxi app but if she was so drunk not to be allowed on bus back they may not have wanted to take her. if we had to go fetch them - then there would be a talk as above.

All of this ^

I think she finds a way to pay back the £60 and apologise to anyone who 'looked after her'.

I'm sorry, but I agree with this.

When DH and I feel that we no longer want to run a car we will move to somewhere with better public transport.

A taxi list is a good idea. I'd have been happy to pay for a taxi from town but it was getting off the bus in the middle of nowhere it got complicated.

When i saw rurally we are actually only 3 miles from town but out of the 5 taxi companies I phoned only 1 would come out even though I offered to pay anything.
I'll push on learning to drive.

Oh if only it was that easy.

As a parent of a DS of the same age, my worry with punishing her would be that next time she doesn't call you and gets on a car with a drunk driver.
I do sympathise though, as I had to do a two hour roundtrip to pick up my DS last week, thanks to bloody Transpennine Express cancelling the last train!

Everything that @titchy said

Plus you want her to trust that if she needs help another time you will be there for her without judgment.

That's not the same as natural consequences - hangover, thank the pub staff etc. but she needs to know she can turn to you. The consequences of not doing that could be much worse

I'd definitely make her pay the £60 and have a chat with her about safety and getting home. But she's 18 and we've all done daft stuff at that age! I think punishment is over the top. Hopefully she's learned a tough lesson 😏

Punished? She’s 18. A young adult. I find it concerning her dad thinks punishing is even an option.

All young people get shitfaced. It’s how we learn to stop doing it.

I feel a bit sorry for her to be honest. If you lived in a village with more regular train/bus services or you could drive then she would never have been in this situation. It’s really harsh to punish her for this. I’d let her off on this occasion, she can’t pay you back if she doesn’t have a job yet anyway.

Have got 3 grown up children, maybe I would of been more with your DH at the time but now would definitely say no, it’s a one off, she called you when, she’s not going to be perfect all the time. She called you when she was in trouble which is good, If it’s left you in financial straits then spend £60 less on her Christmas presents

"even though I offered to pay anything."

Could you not book on the app and there would have been a standard price?

Having said that we went away and there were 2 taxi drivers husband and wife (we didn't realise this).

We phoned on two different occasions and they each answered and said they were eating their tea!!

I think a bit of a chat about how to avoid it happening again (not just the drinking but the missing her stop - could she have set an alarm on her phone?) and then, as others have suggested, how is she going to sort out the £60 taxi fare. I wouldn't make her pay it out of her first pay cheque as that is ages away (even if she gets the job) but some extra jobs around the house, either daily for the next week or so or a one off bigger task.
First though, a fry up, a hug and sympathy for the fact that she must be feeling lousy and was probably scared and embarassed last night. We've all made mistakes.

@Maty34

Why quote the whole post. Drives me mad!!

Punishing someone for making a mistake never ends well.

I agree, I would ask her for money as it's not her fault neither parent drives and they live somewhere with limited transport.

She's 18, she's a very young adult who made the legal decision to drink far too much and will presumably wake up embarrassed and hungover. Apart from owing you £60 for the taxi, I'd let it go.

She needs to pay back the taxi money and a strong conversation about keeping cash/money on a card to make sure she can get home safely in future my kids always have money stashed in their phone cases for emergencies plus my number written down in case of their battery going

My Dad used to punish me if I got drunk or called needing to be picked up. It resulted in me never sharing with my parents and getting into situations I would not wish for my daughters. My girls are only small, but when the time comes nothing be will be too much trouble to ensure their safety, mental health and our relationship remains solid. Hope this helps xx

She’s 18 and got drunk - I don’t think she should be punished for that.

However get her to pay you back the £60 (or half) or deduct it from whatever allowance you give her if you want her to have some consequence for costing you money.

When i saw rurally we are actually only 3 miles from town but out of the 5 taxi companies I phoned only 1 would come out even though I offered to pay anything.

We had to go back to where I grew up for funeral - lack of taxi - we had to phone 4 and tried 3 ranks in the town all empty before we got one.

The price were a huge shock.

We've got used to several reliably companies here with apps so you can track the car coming and on journey.

DS missed his stop from college - perfectly sober but reading a book on bus - and ended up in nearby city due to bus he got - there one more stop then down motorway. He got back under his own stream due to good transport and time of day. He learnt a valuable lesson - I image your DD has as well but she did put herself at more risk with the drinking - just need to talk though how to avoid in future and be very thankful she met some decent people who helped her.