Drunk teenager- punishment or not?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dd 18 last night went out to the cinema after college and ended up horrendous shit faced.
The plan was for dh to meet her off the bus and walk her home. We live in a village with hourly bus in evenings
She missed her stop and ended up in the next village.
Luckily there was a pub next to the busstop and they gave her water and security waited with her till the next bus back to us.
The bus driver refused to let her on.
So this resulted in a panic to get a taxi to collect her.
We don't drive so I ended up getting a £60 taxi to collect her. For a 5 min drive . As it needed to be paid from our city to our village to where she was and back.
Dh thinks she should be punished but I don't know. She doesn't have a job but has an interview next week.
I'm just glad she got home safely
What should we do?

Meh, my dad picked me up plenty of times when I was drunk and I’ve picked DS up plenty of times when he’s been drunk. Most of us have done it at some point and the resulting hangover is punishment enough.

If you're going to live in a rural place, one of uou needs to drive.

I think even using the word punishment with regard to an adult is a bit odd.
for context I have 2 x dds (17 and 20)
the older one is sensible but the other one has got into various scrapes some related to alcohol (yes I know she shouldn’t be drinking) but some of her friends are 18 and in a few short months she will be away at uni.

my main priority with regard to both my dds is to keep the lines of communication open and to help them navigate the tricky stages between teenager hood and fully fledged adult whilst maintaining a reasonable relationship with both. I am known within the friendship group as being ‘safe’. The house is a home where they can bring any friends back.
I’m not a soft touch but neither do I react to a level that makes my younger dd decide that she will try to get out of unsafe situations herself when this may be a dodgy option.

The location of your home is not your dd’s fault. If you lived elsewhere a taxi or Uber would likely be much less. I’d consider (in your position) asking her to contribute maybe £10-20. If she has no money she can do some ironing or something for you? I’d be kind but fairly brisk today. Have a chat once she is not hungover.

Yes this!

A frank discussion about knowing your alcohol limits and staying safe is what's needed.

She can pay back the taxi money if she gets a job, but I wouldn't push it too hard.

Why do neither you nor your DH drive if you live in the middle of nowhere with limited public transport and no readily available taxis?

(Oh and to add a thank you from her to the pub staff would be a nice gesture)

Ask her to pay for, or at least towards, the taxi. Other than that you can’t really punish an 18 year old. Ask her for most of the taxi cost, say £45, or all of it if you want. If she only gets away with paying £20 she might not learn the lesson. £60 is extortionate for 5 minutes each way in a taxi! Jesus Christ! I know they are expensive but £60 for 10 minutes!?

She's 'punished' herself enough with the hangover (the very definition of natural consequences). She does, however, owe you the 60 quid. And I'd be having a (calm) word to the effect that she may not always be able to rely on there being decent people around her to help if she gets herself into an incapable state.

I think the way you speak to your kids will become their inner voice. What do you really want her to take away from this experience? Self-compassion and a good think about how to keep herself safe in future? Or thinking she deserves to be punished for making a mistake and putting herself in a dangerous situation and not to reach out for help next time because she brought it on herself?

She will learn more from this if you are kind, compassionate, bring her a cup of tea and tell her you are happy she reached out for help. She is deserving of help when she is in a difficult situation.

Feels very uncomfortable that you’d consider ‘punishing’ an adult. Yes I agree facing the consequences so paying for taxi, but it ends there in my view. Is there a reason you still think in this more ‘child’ mindset?

She's 18, why would you punish her?? All she needs to say is sorry for causing a fuss.

Are you and your husband quite conservative around alcohol? As punishing a grown adult for having a drink is a bit weird.

I'd have a proper conversation with her when she gets up, paying back the £60 would be expected and if it was drink she won't do it again seeing the havoc it caused but I'd be much more concerned she hadn't gone out intending to drink and came back that way, I'd want to check she had infact drank too much and misjudged that rather than only having one and being spiked instead.

Not punishment but she should pay you back for the taxi. £10 a week if that's all she can manage but she definitely should pay for it.
It's part of growing up to do this once but hopefully she will learn her lesson now and realise what a risky position she was in, and she also probably feels horribly hungover today so is unlikely to want to repeat it any time soon

Absolutely
I tell my teens that they must never be afraid to call me if they are in trouble.
I may be cross, they may get sanctioned BUT I will help them.
I would say your DD owes you £60, to be paid at a manageable rate AND she needs a big lecture on safety

Am I right in thinking she has reached the age of 18 without this kind of thing ever happening before? Then, you have a sensible and well-behaved daughter who got a bit carried away. Once. An apology and a bit of teasing surely suffices without these draconian punishments people are suggesting. I know I am a very liberal parent - you'd all be shocked at how liberal my response was when I had to collect daughter, aged 14, so drunk she could not walk and even pissed herself - but I think young people's own embarrassment at their mistake suffices. You don't punish mistakes.

If you don't have a car and or don't drive then you have a budget for big taxi bills once in a while.
Not driving is not a moral failing or a disability.

I agree with others feeling silly the next day and paying you back for the taxi is enough. Most of us have done it, it's not that big of a deal.

Today’s hangover will be punishment enough. An apology to the pub people and she makes Sunday lunch tomorrow or similar is the way forward.

I’m 38 years old, and still make mistakes, and if I was in a state I wouldn’t hesitate to call my dad and he would be there without question. I’m not saying if she did this every week it would be acceptable but a one off? I’d just be grateful my daughter was safe and didn’t end up like so many other girls out there who never made it home.

Does she receive pocket money? Maybe cut back on that to cover some of the £60. If she is going to go out drinking, then she needs to be responsible for the costs involved. Contacting you was the right thing to do and she shouldn't be punished for doing that.

This was my thought too.

The £60 taxi fare could have occurred if the bus simply hadn't turned up.

Don't be too hard on her

I know she's sorry. She usually can handle her drink which is why I'm so confused she got so pissed.
We've been trying to encourage her to learn to drive but she's not interested.

She was very lucky the bar staff were so nice.

You can make her pay for the taxi. I personally think making her live in a village when none of you drive is punishment enough. An adult getting drunk is not punishment worthy.

My husband got drunk and missed his stop on the train. I was pregnant and had to do a 1hr15 round trip to collect him. I told him he was stupid, and laughed when he realised he'd also left his season ticket on the train!

I would never ever punish a teen for doing something like this.

Her hangover and the embarrassment is punishment enough. It’s ridiculous punishing an 18 year old. Hopefully she won’t do it again.