Dp wants my adult sons to ring the doorbell before letting themselves in

[chasingchange]

I have two adult sons in their late 20s and who both live nearby and as far as I'm concerned my home is their home, it's where they grew up.

They don't stay long when they visit but pop in most days if they are passing or on their way home from work and will usually only call in for 10/15 minutes which I think is lovely that they do.

My dp moved in about a year ago and is really uncomfortable with them just walking through the front door and would like me to ask them to call first and use the doorbell.
He thinks it's unusual to as he puts it just burst through the front door but I like that they feel they belong here and can come and go as they please.
Is this a red flag? He seems to get on fine with both boys but wants me to treat them like guests in their family home but I do get this is his home too now.
I have refused but it's causing arguments every time they come.

We installed a new front door handle/lock a year ago, and putting the key in it prevents access from outside?

That sort of mechanism is called a double cylinder deadbolt. Yes, they are still commercially available but they aren't popular or widely used because:

• if you need to get out in an emergency, needing to use a key to unlock the door (at minimum adds) time,

• leaving keys in or near your door is generally considered risky, as they can often be stolen via letterboxes and, if someone does break it, they'll instantly have all the keys you keep on your keyring; and

*as long as a key can fit in the keyhole (even if it won't open the door), you can lock people in their own homes by sticking a key in the external keyhole.

@StarSlinger So knocking on my teenagers’ doors before I walk into their rooms is “treating them as a strangers”?!

They want me to knock, because it’s their space. I also knock when I visit my DD in her flat (she’s a student). I suppose that I should just walk in, especially as I’m paying the rent!

@adriftinadenofvipers why would anyone be disgusted about having sex on their own sofa

MN is batshit

Love this 😂

Absolutely stick to your guns here. In no way should they be made to feel like outsiders. Would he do this to his daughter. If he had one? No chance.

Yes, exactly. Tell him to stop pissing in corners.

It is their mum's home (which they'll inherit). I'd hate for my DC to feel they had to ring the bell.

Do you ring the bell when you visit your DCs?

Only in Mumsnet is 12 months 'five minutes' and means he's 'only just moved in'

He put up with the lack of privacy for a full year, but it's not working for him. This is now his home and he should be able to make reasonable requests. And your sonns calling ahead is reasonable. My own adult DDs have always let me know they're on the way. Apart from it being considerate, it saves them making the journey only to find I've gone out

Intelligent input darling.

I couldn't care less what it's called - it's what we have.

Well that's what posters are saying over on that thread! They couldn't possibly have "sex stains" on their precious sofas, and worse still, if they have DC who will be sitting on them...

Well why do you think anyone cares what lock you have?

12 month is no time in a relationship! Certainly not long enough for him to be setting rules for the OP's adult children!!

I don't actually GAF! Not sure why you would think that I do?

Not everyone has a "modern" lock. Some people live in older houses and some even live in very old houses. Your point is??

@adriftinadenofvipers I assume OP didn’t move him in on their first date.

If they literally live elsewhere, then I'd say ringing the bell or texting to say your popping round is reasonable. Of course it's not really down to your partner to dictate but I'd say it is a compromise. Not don't come, just give a few seconds notice.
I guess there's a chance he might not feel he knows them well enough to want them bursting in when he might be sitting around in his pants, or maybe snuggling with you on the couch?
You or he wouldn't walk in unannounced into their homes presumably? A bit different I know.

A PP said that he could stop them from coming in unannounced by leaving his key in the door. I replied that most modern locks don't work like that (and that, if he could easily lock the door, this thread probably wouldn't exist in the first place).

You then chimed in with stories of your own locks, for some reason.

When did he set any rules? I must have missed that part?

You must have. He is the one wanting to make them knock or ring the door bell to access their mother's house and their childhood home? Is that too difficult for you to understand?

I didn't "chime in" with anything, how fucking rude. I merely shared how our locks work and pointed out that not everyone has "modern locks"!! But hey you are the resident expert!!!

I think you'll find that you started the rudeness with your "I couldn't care less" comment.

Not even sure what you find offensive about "chimed in"?

CBA.

Thank goodness.

How many times have stragers given your door a polite warning knock before unlocking it with their personal key?