Dp wants my adult sons to ring the doorbell before letting themselves in

[chasingchange]

I have two adult sons in their late 20s and who both live nearby and as far as I'm concerned my home is their home, it's where they grew up.

They don't stay long when they visit but pop in most days if they are passing or on their way home from work and will usually only call in for 10/15 minutes which I think is lovely that they do.

My dp moved in about a year ago and is really uncomfortable with them just walking through the front door and would like me to ask them to call first and use the doorbell.
He thinks it's unusual to as he puts it just burst through the front door but I like that they feel they belong here and can come and go as they please.
Is this a red flag? He seems to get on fine with both boys but wants me to treat them like guests in their family home but I do get this is his home too now.
I have refused but it's causing arguments every time they come.

I think your DP is being unreasonable - providing your boys aren't calling in at weird times of the night.

No way OP. This would hurt your sons I’m sure. They’re your boys and it’s your home and you don’t want to. Your DP is being very unreasonable.

to be fair I often ring the doorbell as I go into my parents house- it’s the gone I grew up in but is not my home now. They’re also a bit deaf so I feel it avoids any fright!

Could they ring as they go in? A phone call before is definitely asking too much…

I usually knock/ring the doorbell and then use my key.
I think that’s respectful once I don’t live there, avoids frightening my mum, or meeting her running from the shower naked if she’s forgotten her towel etc.

I wouldn’t want her walking in to my house unannounced!
or my in laws finding dp and I on the sofa/half dressed etc

He's peeing in corners OP. You need to decide whether that's OK.

Some stepdads start to act like the new silverback or biggest lion in the pride with adult boys. They need to prove their dominance and ownership.

Compromise? They don't go upstairs or into bedrooms without knocking etc. Have public and private areas of the house.

I don’t think asking two men in their late twenties to ring a door bell is a big deal. It isn’t like he is saying they can’t come over. When he moved in it became his home too and this seems like a reasonable compromise to me.

Let him be the one to ask.

The short answer is No. They are your sons it's your home and theirs. They don't need to knock. He doesn't like it. Too bad

Hahaha I came out of her vagina no doorbell needed so I figure I’m ok to pop into the kitchen and shout mom

I don’t think it’s U to get a little bit of notice before coming through a door, also are your ds even likely to care, it’s just asking for a wee bit of notice, not never come around.

I don't think your partner is being unreasonable. Although I suppose the question is, are you able to let yourself into your sons ' houses with your own key and no prior phone calls/message?

Not a chance would I pander to your DP marking his territory. Tell him to sod off.

He's being unreasonable, I'd never expect my kids to knock on their childhood home. I knock on my parents door but that's because they're very security conscious and have the door locked 24/7, but that was the same when we were kids, if we were playing out we'd have to knock to get back in every time 🙈

I would hate for someone who didn’t live with me to be able to suddenly appear like that, even if they used to live there. Is it his home too now or not??

i am surprised they dont knock

I'm 38 and I let myself in to my mums house and my sister's house without knocking or calling first. Both homes are an extension of my own. And I didn't grow up in either house!

I’d be the same as you op. It’s your boys’ childhood home and he is the newbie. If you had moved into his house, the boys would
knock. It’s just how it is unless you decide to sell up and buy somewhere together.

I wouldn’t tolerate this OP- the walking in whenever with no notice. I sometimes walk around in my underwear, run in the middle of a shower to grab something I forgot from a room etc. if I had to think that someone may walk in at any minute, I wouldn’t feel at home at all. I’m with your partner here.

What's his reasons for asking this ? I couldn't imagine having my children knock first, I never did when I visited my parents,

I agree with this. Presumably it's because he walks around with no clothes on or wants a quikie

In my family you go in but shout super loudly as you do so to alert those in the house that you have dropped in (to be fair lots of the crumblies are pretty deaf!).

I wouldn't be impressed to be told I had to phone in advance to visit my parents (although I do make them phone me so maybe I'm a hypocrite!)

And that attitude is what's going make the whole joining the family difficult. It's really hard being a stepparent. You feel like an outsider for a long time

He’s a man so of course he’s BU on MN. However in the real world, it isn’t such an unreasonable request. He has a valid point, it is his home too now, so why not just ask the boys if they are ok with it.

I'd tell him no. My house will be open to my adult DC as long as i live in it. If my DP objected to that he'd have to move back out.

I always knocked my parents door whenever I visisted them and my husband still does the same with his. Imagine your sons walked in and you were having sex etc. Its not a big deal to simply knock before them come in or send a text to say they are coming over.