Dp wants my adult sons to ring the doorbell before letting themselves in

[chasingchange]

I have two adult sons in their late 20s and who both live nearby and as far as I'm concerned my home is their home, it's where they grew up.

They don't stay long when they visit but pop in most days if they are passing or on their way home from work and will usually only call in for 10/15 minutes which I think is lovely that they do.

My dp moved in about a year ago and is really uncomfortable with them just walking through the front door and would like me to ask them to call first and use the doorbell.
He thinks it's unusual to as he puts it just burst through the front door but I like that they feel they belong here and can come and go as they please.
Is this a red flag? He seems to get on fine with both boys but wants me to treat them like guests in their family home but I do get this is his home too now.
I have refused but it's causing arguments every time they come.

DP also wants them to call first and ring the door bell... Literally make an appointment for a spontaneous 10-15 pop in

If a call to say "just popping over" is too much to ask, maybe they could settle on a txt.

Heck, I message or call my own DP every day when I leave work, to let them know I'm on my way home (often with a "do you want me to pick anything up" tacked on).

It is zero hardship.

My DM live alone. Both myself and her sister just walk in. However I usually ring the doorbell first and use my key. She’s disabled and it means she doesn’t have to get up - unless she’s left her key on the other side of the door and then she has to!! lol. Her sister usually just opens the door. Not sure she has a key so if it’s locked she would need to ring.

My ex H walks into mine without ringing the doorbell. He’s usually expected as he’s arranged to pick up the kids. He does kind of knock as he walks through the door. But never waits to be let in.

My aunt (sister of DM above) always leave her door unlocked and generally lays upstairs. On the odd occasion I need to call in on her I she to walk in and shout really loudly as she doesn’t hear.

My DF before he passed away always kept his door locked and I would need to ring his bell. He would take ages to answer as well. I eventually persuaded him to let me have a key in case I was ever worried about getting no answer. Sadly that key was needed the day we found him and he had passed. So I am glad I had the key otherwise I’d have had the police breaking in.

I would hate anyone just walking into my home at any time if they didn't live there

I'd hate my DC just walking in when they felt like it once they'd moved out as adults

It thinks it bizarre that anyone thinks this is ok

It's not ok

Plus all I'm getting from this is that you must have a sexless passionless relationship with DP if you're ok with your adult sons walking in at anytime

For some of us it is ok. I think it's bizarre that you would make your children knock.

Is this a City vs countryside thing ?!?

I've always lived in cities where everyone's door automatically locks with a Yale lock so you can't just wander in and out of peoples homes without a key or knocking first

Such innocent lives some people must live if all your family and friends can just wander in and out of your home

Bizarre

My adult children once they've finished uni and live in their own homes no way am I letting them just walk into my home when they feel like it

How weird and intrusive

I can't get my around this being normal and ok

I couldn't live with someone who let their adult sons just wander in and out

I'd be gone within 24 hours of that weirdness

I couldn't live with someone who treated their own children like strangers once they had left home.

I just walk in to my families houses. They do the same with me. If my step dad started telling me I had to knock first I'd be a bit miffed. Guess it all depends on your family dynamics. Basically in my family if you don't lock your door you're happy for family and friends to just walk in. It's usually accompanied with a tap or shout though.

It’s common courtesy not treating as strangers. Did you just walk into teenagers rooms @StarSlinger?

Basically in my family if you don't lock your door you're happy for family and friends to just walk in.
Right, so if you wanted privacy for any reason on any particular day, you could lock the door. The OP's DP doesn't have that luxury.

Yes, I expect it probably is. I never lock my door unless I'm off to bed. In small communities where people know most people I expect it's the norm. If I lived in a city I'd definitely lock my door though as you're more likely to get robbed.

Presumably OP/her DP could too as she doesn't stipulate they let themselves in with their own keys.

I think we can safely assume they have their own keys, otherwise, if DP wanted to stop them "bursting through the door" he could presumably just lock it.

He could also just leave the key in the lock to stop them from using theirs then couldn't he?

No, that doesn't work with most modern locks.

Really? As all the locks I've had, including the one I have now (which is about 5 years old), won't open from the outside if they key has been left in the lock.

That's quite unusual.

I've moved around a lot and it's a long, long time since I've had a front or back door that even had a keyhole on the inside.

I'm honestly surprised they still make locks that are unopenable if you leave a key in one side, as keeping your keys in the door is generally considered risky.

So I guess a quick shag is out of the question then if the doors are always open

Or does that add to the excitement

I'd not be happy with DD, DM or Mr Jones from next door walking in on me splayed out on the sofa on a Saturday afternoon

With DH

Both my front and back doors have keys both sides. I've only ever had one front door many years ago that didn't which was a latched yale lock (which was a PITA as I'd regularly forget to leave it on the latch and lock myself out).

Okay, great - but it's still the case that the cast majority of locks sold these days are openable regardless of whether keys have been left in the other side.

And, if the OP's DP could simply lock the door that way, then I doubt this thread would even exist.

He's not "DH". He's a partner who moved in a year ago, and now he's setting terms!

What if the sons still lived at home? Would they still have to knock the door to come in? As for shagging on the sofa - there's another thread here where posters are expressing all kinds of disgust for that!!!

If the OP has sex in her own bed, surely the sons will respect her privacy in her own bedroom?

We installed a new front door handle/lock a year ago, and putting the key in it prevents access from outside? Our 26 year old back door lock is the same. The OP could always install a security chain that would mean she would have to open the door to allow access?

What if the sons still lived at home? Would they still have to knock the door to come in?

What if they lived in a shoe?
What if they lived on the moon?
What if they lived in the hearts and minds of us all?

They don't still live at home... so... 🤷🏻