To plan for a baby in an unstable relationship

[Differentstarts]

Im 23. I have 2 kids 7 and 4 from different fathers and have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for just under 2 years. This has been the most stable relationship I have ever been in however it has still been on and of mainly due to me. I have eupd and I have a really bad habit of pushing people away one minute then wanting them close the next. I'm just a bit all over the place. I am under the cmht and have been for years so I don't think time is going to suddenly fix anything here. I'm ok with being a single mum if it comes to it, iv done it twice before. I do really want a baby and I feel it would complete our family. Neither of my girls where planned so it kind off just was what it is and I made it work and where all happy and i have no regrets but I wonder if it's wrong to purposely choose to bring a child into an already unstable relationship but if not now when as like I said I'm not going to ever suddenly be mentally 100% well.

You are very young still, I would not rush into anything, I had my 1st at 28 and my 3rd at 35, there is no rush, wait until you feel ready and stable.

Concentrate on the kids you have.

You’re only 23, why the rush? You have loads of time for more children if that’s what you want, either with your current partner if the relationship works out, or in future.

Focus on your existing children. This is not the right time to introduce another one, with a different father, and with a very young mother who has MH issues and is in a relationship even she doesn't consider stable.

It would be actively damaging to your daughters. Whether or not you want a baby is irrelevant. Wait. You are only 23.

Don't be so selfish. Its not fair on your children.

Absolutely not

You're only 23, plenty of time to have another baby yet. Maybe keep trying to engage with mental health services and continue to work on your mental health for a few years. Off/on relationships aren't a good environment to bring a child into.

I'm just so broody at the minute. You know when you see people with their babies and it actually hurts because you want it so bad. My kids aren't babies anymore I miss them days so much and iv never had a baby with a good partner where it's actually a family. I know my boyfriend would be an amazing dad he's so good with my girls and I'd love for him to have his own and be a proper family

No way. You've got a lot on your plate and you're still young. Your relationship isn't secure.

It's the very worst thing you could do for yourself, your current children and any more babies.

FWIW that urge to have babies stays, for many women, no matter how many they have, so there's no guarantee you'll feel a new baby actually does complete your family.

People need to note the poster has a diagnosis of EUPD, most people will have no experience of this as its a complex MH issue. She needs help and not another child.

Please have some therapy, I have volunteered with young women with difficult backgrounds and various MH issues. They often want babies to love. It will not fix you, it will just make your life harder. Do you have a social worker or MH team?

I'm under the the cmht

It's a stupid idea and it's one that will only make your children suffer.

You seem addicted to babies, if you have another one what happens if you are broody again?
As others have said, concentrate on you existing kids and sorting out your unstable relationship, one way or another.

As soon as the next one isn't a baby any more you'd probably want another again. You probably just crave something that is completely reliant on you.

You need to do what's best for the children you already have, and that is not to have another baby with another person you're not in a stable relationship with. You really need to concentrate on your mental health and the children you already have.

I don't understand why my children would suffer. Nobody else's children suffer when their mum decides to have another baby. I bet they would love a little brother or sister

Absolutely don’t do it.

Why on earth would it be wrong to bring a precious life into an unstable relationship with a mother who has poor mental health?
What could possibly go wrong?
Seems like an excellent idea.....said no-one ever.
Seriously, concentrate on getting yourself better (and hopefully this will stabilise your relationship) for the children you already have.

You won't though, you'll be posting that you're pregnant soon and baby daddy has left.

Don't do it

Lots of children suffer when more children come along. When there are already factors which impact on life, adding more children is going to make things harder not easier.

I'm not addicted to babies. Iv had 2 children and would like a 3rd. That's a normal amount. I don't plan on having like 10 kids

How bloody selfish

Do you have a career plan op Are you working, do the 2 fathers support you?

Or are you thinking that the state will fund you having a kid when you feel a bit broody or the existing kids fancy another sibling?

Insanity but if you love hardship for yourself and your children, go for it

That just isn't important right now. It's an impulse you would be wrong to give in to, like pushing someone off a pavement. You need to sit with the broodiness and hurt the way someone trying to come off heroin needs to deal with the cravings. Your two children are still very young, and they need you to focus on them. You said in your OP that this isn't a stable relationship. You had your first baby when you were a child yourself. You need to start making adult choices, and prioritising becoming healthy and focusing on your children, who are still very young and need a parent to prioritise them. CMHT isn't going to do anything by itself -- you need to put the work in, however difficult it is. Come to terms with not having any more children for years. Focus on your MH, education and work, and your existing daughters.

This is the thing though that people don't get. When people say focus on getting better. What if I never get better. Mental illness doesn't just go away. So why am I letting it stop me living my life