Rejected for birthday action - AIBU or is he?

[Kendra43]

Odd as it may sound (or it may not, I don't know), I've generally had birthday shags in past relationships, on mine and the other person's birthday

So current partner, been together one year. We had an evening out for my birthday. Beforehand I told him I was wearing a new underwear set and he said 'I look forward to seeing it later 😉'

We get back shortly after 11 and I make my move. He clearly isn't interested. I say 'oh are you not up for it now?'. He says he would've been earlier but now it's late and he's tired.

AIBU to be a bit concerned he just couldn't be arsed? I felt really disappointed. We're early 30s.

I would on his birthday even if tired. There are times he initiates when I'm tired and I do. We both have so much going on that if we never had sex due to tiredness we'd never do it.

He rejected sex of an evening about 2 months ago too.

It's like he's almost a human being isn't it?

This isn't about someone being too tired for sex sometimes, which is completely normal at any age.

This is about YOUR rejection issues.

You need to think what you're going to do about that because otherwise you'll be in the same position, in every relationship you have.

@ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood what's wrong with not being arsed to have sex occasionally?

He doesn't have to force himself to do it just because it's her birthday.

He rejected sex of an evening about 2 months ago too.

Which is fine.

Imagine if it were a man, tallying up the times his girlfriend didn't want to have sex, then posting about it online. Gross.

Just dump him if he doesn't meet your requirements.

Oh no, 11pm on a full stomach, I couldn't either.

I’m sure I’ve seen this exact post before.

Was it two months ago when he rejected sex as well?

Im guilty of this.

Me at 7pm getting glammed up ready for a night out and me at 11pm after a 3 course meal and a few vinos are not the same people.

should have had sex earlier when he was likely in the mood. Fine to say you’re not in the mood.

That's entirely your prerogative to make this decision. It's not your prerogative to expect him to make the same decision.
"Consent should be clear, voluntary, coherent, and ongoing. Consent can be removed at any time — after all, people do change their minds!" (Source: Healthline).
How you feel about him not consenting or what you would do in a similar situation is, frankly, irrelevant.

I am posting to see how realistic my expectations are.

I have a higher sex drive generally, so it can be an issue.

Doubt it as I didn't post about this before.

Yeah, try to meet a man who expects you to give him sex when you don't want it. Then you might change your mind.

I’d also add that you have a thing about birthday sex (which is fine) but that doesn’t mean everyone has a thing about birthday sex. People do things differently

Leave now, because he was tired for sex on 1 occasion? Fucks sake this place gets worse.

@Kendra43 if you want to have sex when you're tired and not really in the mood then that's your choice, but it's really shitty behaviour to try and act like your boyfriend is wrong for making a different choice.

Your expectations and your sex drive are not the problem.

It's your rejection issues that you seem intent on ignoring?

'Undesirable' just because someone doesn't fancy sex with you?

Jackie Fabulous says that nobody ever has sex when they're really full, and if Jackie Fabulous says it, it must be true.

I know, I genuinely thought they were being sarcastic until I read on!

Yes! They were really irate about being rejected for ‘birthday sex’, which they seemed to think was a standard thing. I’ll see if I can find it.

and? Hate these posts! What exactly do they add to the thread?!

If someone is writing the exact same post, several months apart, I’d like to know. I assume there are others who would, as well. If you aren’t interested, do please ignore me.

I’m not a fan of sex after food tbh. A glass Of champagne and nibbles sure but give me a lump of meat and a cheeseboard and I’ll be asleep very shortly.

OP I understand. I would make sure I wasn't tired if it was DH's birthday! Different if you're ill of course, can't be helped. I think you're mismatched in the bedroom. There are people who only have it if they're super in the mood beforehand. But realistically how often is that going to happen when you both work full time and have young children to look after? Personally I always make the effort if my DH suggests it (he would never suggest it if I was ill/on my period/upset about something as he's a decent human being). If I didn't we would do it very infrequently indeed!

I do think some people on here are a bit blinkered about how important it can be in a relationship. Then they're shocked when DP up and leaves! It really doesn't have to be a case of being abused or doing something you hate. Just a case of getting started when you can't be particularly bothered. If you don't get into it pretty quickly then you're probably with the wrong person!

I feel so unsexy and completely not up for sex after food and drink in this situation, it’s not just being tired it’s being bloated and full that puts me off. I really want to enjoy myself and give my all to sex so if I am tired and bloated I will usually just defer it until the morning. I am not really much of an evening sex person I am at my best in the mornings. I don’t have sex after alcohol often either as it numbs me maybe I am weird 😂