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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I include her in my will?

244 replies

Sillysausage76 · 07/11/2024 11:33

I got with DH over 15 years ago. I have 4 DC and he has 1. When we meet he moved into my house as its bigger. He rented his house out (dsd lived with her bf and child). DSD always made it clear his house was her inheritance and she wouldn't consider sharing it, fair enough. DH house turned into a money pit and so he sold it, not making much, he did put money into the business as have I. My house increased drastically in value. Me and dh have a joint pot so to speak but my house and assets will go to my 4 dc, dsd won't be left as much, she now wants every split equally. This isn't going to happen, my parents are also still alive and as long as no care fees needed I will inherite from them. Is it unfair not to include her in my will? She has never really accepted me but I don't think bad of her, she was spoilt as a child. She won't inherite from her mum or bf parents.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 07/11/2024 11:36

Nope… She is talking about changing the goalposts to
suit her and you know damn well she would never have considered doing the same if the shoe were on the other foot.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/11/2024 11:39

You've got to love children who start making demands on a parent or step-parent's will when said person is still very much alive!

Why do people have these conversations that allow such demands?

Bugpuffin · 07/11/2024 11:39

She doesn't get to make anything clear! What do you and DH want to do?

I think if you've had the benefit of DH's house proceeds into the business, enabling you to keep an asset (your house) which he doesn't, it would be kind to leave her something, but absolutely not necessary. If she'll get anything else from him, leave it at that.

frockandcrocs · 07/11/2024 11:42

Personally, I'd remind her of her previous attitude, and then tell her to mind her own business.

CharlotteFlax · 07/11/2024 11:49

I have some questions. What is The Business? Is it your own personal business or joint with your husband? Has he got a will? Are your 4 DC's yours with someone else or your current DH? Has your husband got his own will? Is she in it?

Ultimately though, you get to leave what you want to who you want and your DSD has definitely tried to move the goalposts to suit herself.

HomeTheatreSystem · 07/11/2024 11:50

Is the intention to leave your DH a life interest in the house so that he can live there until he dies/cohabits/remarries etc then for it to pass to your DC or is he to fund somewhere new to live from the business revenue? It's not quite clear how you see that working out. But stripped down to the basics, his house no longer exists as an asset but the equity from it now earns money in a business so I would imagine that on his death that equity pro rata should go to his daughter, assuming it's worth anything now. Your children are not shared so I would say the division of your assets is entirely for each of you to determine. His daughter is deluded in her revised expectations and needs to give her head a very firm wobble.

Original poster
Sillysausage76 · 07/11/2024 11:50

Bugpuffin · 07/11/2024 11:39

She doesn't get to make anything clear! What do you and DH want to do?

I think if you've had the benefit of DH's house proceeds into the business, enabling you to keep an asset (your house) which he doesn't, it would be kind to leave her something, but absolutely not necessary. If she'll get anything else from him, leave it at that.

He did put money into the business but I probably put just as much as I never took a wage until we were making money.
The reason it's all come up is because theirs some family jewellery that I want split equally and I asked them all if their was a special piece any of them wanted as was updating the wills. She will get something just no where near what mine will get. She also is unlikely to ever afford her own home as she had kids young and never had any ambition to work. I will leave dh grandkids something

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillysausage76 · 07/11/2024 11:53

DH would stay at the house and the business is 50/50 now. DH is 17years older so would rather sort this now. Their might not be anything left if we both need to go into a care home.

OP posts:
holju · 07/11/2024 11:54

Your will, your choice.

KoalaCalledKevin · 07/11/2024 11:55

Anyone, child or step child, who starts making demands about wills needs to pipe the fuck down.

Pinkpaperclip · 07/11/2024 11:55

i think she sounds awful and entitled. She came to you and told you she wants everything split equally? My god

Rhaidimiddim · 07/11/2024 12:01

Might be worth leaving a token amount (e.g. £1000) to her so that she can't claim she was overlooked. I believe this can be a useful method of avoiding legal action - worth asking a solicitor?

Otherwise, please do not cut her in on anything significant or strategic, or she will be all over it, wanting her say and to interfere to 'protect her share' at every life-stage/life-style change you and your DH make from now on.

Weepingwillows12 · 07/11/2024 12:02

What does your DH want to do? If you are married then it's shared assets. If he dies first and you inherit it all then I think it's fair to leave her his share of the assets and you split your share for your kids. It's going to be complicated so you need legal advice and good wills.

UnsureWhatToDo1234 · 07/11/2024 12:02

Surely if you go before your DH, you'll leave some to him and some split equally between your kids?

When your dh goes, she will then inherit from him.

If he goes first, whatever assets he has would be split between you and his daughter (or whatever arrangements he's made in his will).

It's not for anyone to make demands. As far as she or anyone else is concerned, you could leave it all to the local cat rescue. It's not her money, or anyone else's to make demands on.

Original poster
Sillysausage76 · 07/11/2024 12:11

My house is ring fenced but he will always live here. He agrees with everyone on here she's entitled. She could work in the business and earn more than she does but she doesn't want to as hours not always great. I don't work much as no longer needed and DH has started to wind down, the way we're enjoying long lunches, and afternoons shopping their won't be much left. Lol
Going to get solicitor to pop round and get it all drawn up.
Thank you for confirming for me .

OP posts:
Richiewoo · 07/11/2024 12:25

Absolutely do not put her in it. If her dad's house was still there, she wouldn't share.

HermioneWeasley · 07/11/2024 12:27

Will she not inherit her fathers half of the business?

Lincoln24 · 07/11/2024 12:31

So what are your DH's assets? Does he work on or part-own the business?
She is being rude and entitled but it seems unfair
for her to inherit nothing or very little from a shared pot as your DH did put some amount in.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/11/2024 12:34

Cheeky mare. Make sure anything you leave her kids can’t be spent by her.

Havalona · 07/11/2024 12:34

I'm not in UK, but just wondered if a spouse has a legal right to a share in the deceased spouse's estate?

So if in the scenario mentioned, if the house that is owned outright by the wife is left entirely to her children and let's say there were no other assets, could the husband claim something as a spouse?

Bigcat25 · 07/11/2024 12:38

I would give her something, partly so she gets something from her dad. It doesn't have to be an equal split that includes your parents assets. What does your husband think?

Original poster
Sillysausage76 · 07/11/2024 12:44

DH can't touch my house. The business is 50/50 but when one of us dies the other gets it. So I need to decide if she'd get 50% or 20%. If she would use it for a house or something I'd help her more, but she works 15 hours and her bf works 25 hours.
I will discuss it all with solicitors and DH and then not mention it.

OP posts:
BarbaraHoward · 07/11/2024 12:51

Presumably anything that's yours gets split 4 ways, and anything that's his goes to her?

So yes, I think she should inherit his half of the business and any other assets that are his.

Christmasfairy3 · 07/11/2024 12:52

No.she sounds grabby

EdgarAllenRaven · 07/11/2024 12:52

Am I the only one that feels sorry for her…? She was due to inherit her Dad’s house, she gets nothing from her own Mum and now nothing…. Just because she was a young Mum it seems?
I would definitely put in a provision equivalent to the value of her Dad’s house when it was sold. Why would that not be fair?